(Closed) Am I crazy or is this rude?!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@CakeyP:  +1

 

it may seem really rude, but they probably do not have room at all. if they invite you they have to give everyone else a +1. they may have a budget they are sticking to. they also probably didnt mean to be rude by saying you can come IF they have room. i am sure it was a hard decision for them to make, and its not like they told you Fiance you can’t come because they dont like you or something.

maybe you can still go for the weekend with fi but do something else while he is at the wedding. it would be even more rude for him not to go to a wedding he agreed to be in.

Post # 19
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

The rule (in my eyes) is pretty much:

-If you are a member of the bridal party, your partner can come.

-If you are engaged or living together, you are both invited.

-If you have been together long enough to be an “established” couple (ie not for 2-3 months or something), you are invited.

 

The only reasons NOT to invite someone’s significant other are:

-If your wedding is small and local. If it is just you, your bffs and your parents, no parners needed.

-You began dating after the invitations went out. You can ask but you shouldn’t assume.

-You are a new couple.

 

My now-FI was not invited to my cousin’s wedding. I was told he was not welcome. However at that point, we had only been dating for a few months (7+ years ago…). I didn’t fight it as I understood the situation. However if that were to happen now it would be absolutely inexcuseable!

Post # 20
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@Moonbear17:  if they give your Fiance  a plus one, then other people will be angry they didn’t. and everyone will ask can i bring my live in gf or someone i am dating etc. i could understand being really mad if they were having a huge wedding, inviting everyone they knew…but you said yourself it is a small destination type wedding. 

Post # 21
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@mrsrecon:  I disagree – he’s in the wedding party.  That means he’s close to this couple, he’s spent a lot of money for them to be a groomsmen, he’s bought a suit, he’s paid for the bachelor party, etc.  They also already TOLD the OP’s Fiance that she was invited.  The least the couple can do is give the OP’s Fiance a real +1!

Post # 22
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@abirdword:  what if they cannot afford it? or they’re venue simply will NOT allow them to have over X number of people? 

Post # 23
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@mrsrecon:  Then they should have been more conscious of that when they invited the OP’s Fiance – it sounds like part of why he accepted to be a Groomsmen was because he was told his Fiance would be invited, too.  They know the OP pretty well at this point, so it’s not like she’s some mystery girlfriend they’ve never met.  It also doesn’t sound like the couple’s being particularly apologetic about this or trying to figure out some way to make good on their promise.  Saying “you can come if other people cancel” makes it sound more like a baseball game than a wedding.  It’s not that they can’t fit SO’s, it’s their handling of this situation that’s totally rude.

Post # 25
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hmmm…..

Your fiance’ agreed to be in the bridal party with the promise to “not to worry about it and that I would be invited.” That is why he made the commitment in the first place because he was told you’d be coming to the wedding as well, but now it seems like that has turned out to be a lie. 

When your fiance’ asked if you were invited if the groom/bride honestly couldn’t say for certain if you were or not then they should have taken you and him out to lunch, or all met up somewhere and explained the situation with, “Hey, look, we love you guys, and we would really like it if your Fiance could be in the bridal party with us, but because of budget constraints/venue room we don’t know if we can have MoonBear come to the wedding….” And the four of you could have talked about it and had open, and honest communication about this situation, but because there wasn’t any line of communication now people are offended and hurt, and they are not owning up to their mistake, and still expect your Fiance to be in the wedding which he got duped (sp?) into.

I agree with other posters who said this is simply, flat out rude behavoir. There have beens times in my planning experience as a bride that I have had to make questionable judgement calls, but I talked to the people who were involved and we worked out solutions that benefitted us all, and were able to still remain friends, so to me there is no excuse to do something like this.

If you feel comfortable about doing this I’d suggest opening a line of communication to the bride and/or groom, and talk to them about this. Let them know your feelings on this matter, and where they are coming from, and see if you guys cannot work out a situation that you all could be happy with.  

Post # 27
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

omg this is so rude! I think one of the rudest parts of this entire story is that the groom told you Fiance you would be invited and now all of a sudden you are a “if we have room” person? How awkward would that be if you went?! OMG so sorry people shock me!!

Post # 28
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@mrsrecon:  If they cannot afford it: they either cut a flower arrangement or don’t serve cocktail shrimp as finger food, or simple go into dept for 50-100 dollars that it costs them to have OP there.

If venue will not allow them: then they seriously messed up in picking the venue or organizing their guestlist.  Just because they F*** up dosn’t mean they should penalize their guests for it.

Post # 29
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Beyond rude! This is happening with a friend of mine as well! I believe… if your in the wedding party you should be allowed a plus one! 

Post # 30
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@mrsrecon:  Why are you sticking up for these people???  They don’t have room for her because they CHOSE to be rude.

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