(Closed) Am I crazy or is this rude?!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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@Moonbear17:  The only person on here saying it isn’t rude is someone who is OBVIOUSLY trying to justify it because they probably did or are planning to do the same thing and cut peoples’ +1s… this is so rude. I just recently had to attend a wedding solo for one of my really good friends and me and SO have been together for almost 5 years, living together for 1 year. I was SOOOOO upset and offended. It’s like “ohhh welll since I’M getting married, it’s now totally within my right to judge the importance of everyone else’s relationship!!” If I were your Fiance I would tell them I couldn’t make it! I hope this works out for you OP and I hope you get at least a mini vaca with Fiance soon!!

 

Post # 48
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Oh my. 

A friend of mine just got asked if her LDR boyfriend (who was invited on the invitation by name) is “for sure” coming to a friend’s wedding because they’re over capacity. Huh?

Post # 50
Member
310 posts
Helper bee

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@Moonbear17:  Please keep us updated!  And good for your man to stick up for you with his friend.  

Post # 51
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@Car7yn44:  I’m confused as to why you had to go and not decline?

Post # 52
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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@Atalanta:  I didn’t find out I wasn’t invited w/o SO until I got the invite in the mail, I knew my friend was having guest list issues so I told her I understood. It wasn’t until after I RSVP’d that everyone started telling me I should have RSVP’d no, I never really thought of that as an option since i’d never been in that situation. I actually joined the bee because of it haha!! I made a post about it kind of venting but it was like a week before the wedding I couldn’t back out. If it happened again tho (which I really don’t see happening) I wouldn’t go. The thing that was super annoying was that the wedding was HUGE & the GROOM asked me at dinner why my SO wasn’t there. THE GROOM. I was like uhhhh…… i guess cuz he wasn’t invited…? it was pretty funny. 

Post # 53
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@Car7yn44:  oh lol people suck.  Awk what was the groom’s response?

Post # 54
Member
2947 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

@Moonbear17:  what an awful position this has put your Fiance in. I’d be pissesd off too and their would now be no way I’d want to go. I’d go with my SO for the two nights but not attend the wedding ( if they end up having room for you) You have every right to feel annoyed!

Post # 55
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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@Atalanta:  He just stared at me for like 10 seconds. Everyone at the table was dyyyying trying not to laugh. but i mean it wasn’t really his fault lol I doubt he realized he didn’t make the cut, basically they did the ‘engaged or married get a plus one’ rule.  I guess he didn’t realize I didn’t have a ring on it 😛

Post # 56
Member
13613 posts
Honey Beekeeper

By etiquette, a spouse, fiancee, or a person living together with someone must be included. That’s it.  Including a “plus one” for  the wedding party is not mandatory, it is completely voluntary.  Ditto a boyfriend or a girlfriend, even a serious one.

In your situation,  I think the best your BF can do is speak to his friend and diplomatically ask if this was an oversight.   If not, then the choice of what to do is your BF’s.  He  can back out of the wedding or not.  Starting up with the friend would be  equally wrong, though. 

What I don’t understand is why so many people these days seem to feel entitled to random plus one invitations or stressed out about the concept of attending solo.  I may be a litle old fashioned and more than  a little biased.  I met H at a wedding where he was a groomsman and I was a bridesmaid!  Weddings are great places for singles to meet. 

Post # 58
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2017

That’s really rude.

Post # 59
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

You are not overreacting, it’s extremely rude!!!

Post # 60
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@Moonbear17:  glad your Fiance stuck up for you, and that you’re “allowed” to go. 

Post # 61
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@mrsrecon:  i do not think you can really assume it is not a financial thing because of the cost of the venue. my venue is the most expensive part of our wedding, and we are limited to a small wedding due to money, but splurged on a venue we really wanted. they could have done the same. you are jumping to conclusions. 

 
 
Got it. So you are sticking up for this other couple because YOU are doing the same thing. Mmmhmmm. Well – as you can see by this thread, it’s rude. You must invite spouses and fiancees. You can get away with leaving off girlfriends, random plus ones, etc. But if you are inviting guests you can’t just leave off their other half. Literally no one will agree with you on that one.

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