(Closed) Am I crazy, or would this make you upset too?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Holy cow…this is awful! Your Fiance is putting his friend’s feelings before yours, and that is NOT cool at all. And I’m not sure that I would want to marry someone who did something like this to me behind my back! Wow…that’s all I can say!

Post # 4
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow I’d be furious. No that is definitely not ok and he needed to talk to you first. Once there is losing money involved, I’m not a fan. Friend didn’t have to book his tickets during your wedding and especially once you start getting into all the wedding expenses, the money you would lose could definitely be put towards something you want at your wedding. 

If I were in that position, I would say wedding date is what it is and FI’s friend will just have to miss it if that’s when he is gone. Plus, I don’t understand why someone would ask someone else to be in their wedding during a time when they aren’t speaking. 

Post # 5
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would be furious if my fiance had not talked to me about this.

Post # 6
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

With 6 months to go (and I’m a September bride as well), I would be LIVID!  Sorry, not an option – looks like FI’s friend is out of the wedding (if it were up to me).

Post # 6
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I do not think you are crazy at all!!!  I would be pisseddddd.  If you already have your deposit down I really hope that your FH has not changed the date without getting your blessing.  He is marrying you not the friend and the fact that the friend feels his vacation is an important reason for you to delay your wedding is absurd.  Talk it over with your FH and see why he feels it is important to delay for his on again off again friend.  Please update us on what happens… sorry you’re having to deal with this!

Post # 7
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Youre absolutely NOT CRAZY and I would say HELL F*****G NO! Excuse my language! That is ridiculous and I would be so pissed! No groomsman that has been an estranged friend for almost a year would make me change my wedding date, not to mention LOSE MONEY in the process because he’s going to Europe. That’s fine he’s going to Europe, he should have just bowed out. Who does he think he is to even ask you to move your date?! I would so upset at my Fiance for going behind my back. Yea, um you need to have a big chat with your Fiance about this…

Sorry for all the drama and stress, *hugs*.

Post # 8
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

no you are not crazy. I would be just as livid if my husband went behind my back and decided to change everything without my permission…for one unworthy sounding person. i’m so sorry you’re going through this!

Post # 10
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would be livid!!!

Post # 11
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Wow. Looks like someone needs to learn that marriage = you two are a TEAM. When you’re married, you don’t make big decisions like that on your own, especially if they are decisions that affect both of you. 

It sounds like there is some backstory here – could your Fiance be feeling like he’s not in control of the wedding planning or even the relationship as a whole? Is this his way of asserting that his opinions matter too? Or does he really just think that it’s okay to make decisions for both of you on his own? 

I would make sure this is all figured out before moving forward with the wedding planning. Even if he gives in on changing the date, I would want to work out the underlying issues that caused him to ask. 

In terms of how to compromise, I would think about how much it would cost to change the date, how convenient it would be for everyone else, etc. There are very few situations I can imagine where it would actually make sense to change it. Your families and friends have their own lives, and I’m sure many of them have other things they could be doing during your wedding. The question is, is your wedding enough of a priority for them to make an effort to be there? Obviously, you can take into account really important limitations (i.e. health issues, etc). But you can’t change your wedding because one person decided to book a family vacation then! What if another groomsman has a change of plans and requests Fiance to change the date – where does it stop?

Good luck figuring this out!

Post # 12
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

What?!!! I’d be LIVID!!! Oh my gosh…so sorry.

Post # 13
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Wow, I would be mad too! But honestly thinking about my Fiance… I don’t think he would know about losing deposits, etc etc. So I wouldn’t call your Fiance an awful person, just misinformed. I think if you talk to him he’ll probably realize that it wasn’t the best decision ever, and he should’ve waited to ask you first!

Post # 14
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yeah Id be pissed!!

Post # 15
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Was he trying to go behind your back, or was he trying to see how easy/difficult/expensive it would be to change the date before “bothering” you with the idea? It kinda sounds to me like the later, especially as he didn’t make any changes, just found out what would happen if you guys did decide to move date.

I agree that it’s a bit of a crazy idea, but did he know that before he investigated?

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