- 8 years ago
- Wedding: January 2016
Sigh, ok here goes. (I created a new name for this because I didn’t want to use my regular one.) After several, i.e. many, years of playing the waiting game my (then) boyfriend proposed to me in September. I had moved out to clear my head and figure out just what the hell I was doing with this man that had no intention of ever being my husband. Long story short, he proposed, either because he thought he was losing me forever or because he finally realized that he wanted to marry me. After I accepted his proposal, I moved back in but I had to give up my job so that I could move back to the city where he lives (his idea NOT mine.) He promised that he was ok with me being unembployed. Although I have always worked and the thought of not working makes my teeth itch, I agreed to the arrangement that I would work the house and he would pay the bills until I found a job.
Fast forward 6 months and there is still no wedding date set. Now, I fully understand that weddings cost a pretty penny these days and honestly I don’t want or need a grand affair. We could go to Vegas or use our timeshare vacation to exchange vows but everytime I bring up setting a wedding date, he says that he is afraid to move forward with setting a date because I’m not working and that we aren’t financially stable right now. Uh, we discussed this BEFORE I moved back in and even before the proposal. I have been searching for a full-time gig, and in the meantime I work temp assignments, so it’s not like I’m content with living off of him. I loved my career and I look forward to going back to work. Plus, I’m bored and so not the stay at home type – no offense to any aspiring housewives :~)
So today, I brought up the wedding date again and suggested that we set a date far in the future (January 2012). Again, not looking to plan anything extravagant, but as I explained to him, a wedding date gives us something to look forward to, it shows me that we are planning our future together instead of being perpetually engaged. He says “mmmm…sure. ok.” No exactly what I wanted to hear. We again had a long conversation about his fears and I pretty much lost it. He says that he doesn’t understand why the wedding date is so important (HUH??? Why did you propose fool…is what I wanted to say but I bit my tongue) and that he is showing his committment to me by taking care of me, paying rent, etc. I appreciate that and I understand it, sort of. However, I have always been independent, I lived alone for a number of years and when we lived together, I paid half of everything so I’m not completely comfortable with him “taking care” of me.
I’m not even sure what kind of advice I’m looking for here Bees, LOL. I guess I just wanted to vent and make sure that I’m not crazy for thinking that this marriage is not something that he wants. I love him to death, but I’m not waiting around too much longer.