(Closed) Am I crazy to change my wedding date?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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imgettingmeowied :  I wouldn’t change the date. They could go early, they could go late. They could decide they are glued to their child for the next two years….and still wouldn’t be able to attend.

You’ve sent Save the Dates to the rest of your guest. What if, you changing the date means several of them can no longer attend since they can not get the time off of work? For some, requesting time off can be difficult and once approved, changing the date is frowned on.

Post # 3
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

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imgettingmeowied :  If this was before you sent the STDs, I’d say go for it.

However, you’ve sent them now. There’s no point in sending them at all if the date isn’t set in stone. 

Changing the date wouldn’t necessarily mean your friends could come, either. They could still get sick and not be able to travel, or have a family emergency crop up last minute.

You’re allowed to be upset that they can’t make it, but I think it just is what it is at this point. It doesn’t mean they can’t still be your ‘bridesmaids’ though, you can still involve them as much as you like.

Post # 4
2617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

It sucks they won’t be able to attend, but I would not change the date.  There will always be people who are unable to attend.

Post # 6
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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imgettingmeowied :  I don’t want to be snarky, but your best friends who are in your wedding party knew they were expecting in August and didn’t inform you until after you sent out Save the Dates? That would be the part of this that would bother me! They are far enough into their pregnancies now that they’ve know about this for a while! 

I think ultimately it’s up to you. It’s your day and guests who will make it their priority to attend will do so no matter what. If you can’t enjoy yourself or the day as much without them, I don’t think anyone would hold changing the date it against you. Just be aware that there may be conflicts for other days too!

Post # 7
1410 posts
Bumble bee

Did you clear your date with your VIPs? Did they just tell you now, as they received your save the date?

Out of curiosity, would you move the date up? Push it back? If so, how far?

Post # 8
274 posts
Helper bee

Can you clear the date with everyone else and see if there’s a compromise? Would they want to go if the wedding was moved up? Did you put deposits on other vendors for that date? (I’m assuming you mean sooner, because they’re not going to travel with infants either!) I totally get wanting your best friends there, so I don’t think you’re crazy. But make sure you aren’t creating other problems with other VIP’s or family members first – and decide soon. You don’t want people taking off from work or making plans only to switch it up on them. 

Post # 9
4905 posts
Honey bee

Well, I think selecting dates around VIPs is what people ought to be doing if they have strong feelings about those people attending,  but they ought to be checking with their VIPs BEFORE they start putting down deposits and notifying people of the dates, not after. 

Technically,  it’s not too late to do it.  However please make sure you clear the next date with ALL of your VIPs (parents, grandparents,  siblings, BFFs) ON BOTH SIDES.  Presumably you are marrying someone else who may have some thoughts and feelings on the date and have VIPs of their own you need to work around.  And then send a revised save the date once it is set in stone,  since you sent them out already.

ETA: I would also recommend that as soon as you know for sure you want to do this,  but do not yet have the new date locked down, that you personally call any people who may have to travel to warn them the date will change and updated info will go out soon so they don’t take time off work and do things like buy non –  refundable plane tickets.  Calling others would be nice,  too, but definitely the ones who have to travel.  

Post # 10
877 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Don’t change the date that’s absurd and would look crazy to the rest of your guests…also offensive since your not accomodating anyone else this much.

Also, these are best friends and they didn’t know your wedding date before you send the save the dates out.. how exactly does that work.. I find that hard to believe and if they did know the date then why didn’t they say something before the save the dates went out something is missing in your story

Post # 11
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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imgettingmeowied : I’m curious as to how this happened that you’re JUST NOW finding out this is an issue. Did you not clear your wedding date with your VIPs beforehand? Or did they both just tell you about the pregnancy?

I get having 2 friends that would literally make or break your wedding. That’s how I feel about my best friends. I never could’ve done it without them. However, that’s also why I made super duper sure they were able to attend my wedding before setting anything in stone. As it stands now, what are even your options? Move it forward? And by how much? That would probably be really difficult considering it’s less than 6 months away in peak wedding season. Move it back? Then they’ll have newborns and maybe would feel uncomfortable leaving them. How would you feel if you moved this all for them and then they STILL couldn’t make it?

Post # 12
3895 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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imgettingmeowied :  Never base your life decisions/timing on other peoples timelines (Except for you and FI/DH, cause you guys are a unit so your timelines/plans need to align). There is no winning if you do, because you can only control what you do but have 0 control over what others do. Do what you are doing and the rest of the cards will fall as they may. And then you make the best of the sitiation. If you rearange your life/wedding/whatever based on your friends availability.. there us no guarantee that they will 100% make it for whatever other reason and then you will be resentful and hurt. 

ETA. I’m also curious to find out why they waited until NOW to tell you this. Not very considerate of them. And if you had cleared the date with your VIPs (bridal party and parents, siblings etc) people you absolutely want at your wedding. 

Post # 13
10306 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Short answer: yes.

Post # 14
6369 posts
Bee Keeper

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AORiver15 :  Depends on when she sent out STD’s.  They may have not been pregnant when she sent it out or if she just sent it out in the beginning of the year, they may not have known.  Not all people know right away.  I’m due in late August, and knew in December. but some people don’t know until they’re closer to 2 months.

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