(Closed) Am I doing the right thing?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would probably invite her. Even if she dropped out in a rude way, if you really think it was because of drama between her and your Maid/Matron of Honor, then I would still invite her. Give her one last chance. Maybe she didn’t come to the shower because it would have been awkward with all the other ladies there, talk about the elephant in the room.

So, based just on the info you provided I would try one last time to salvage the relationship if you want to.

Post # 4
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you’re right.  Even if she dropped out because of Maid/Matron of Honor drama, she never bothered to explain and hasn’t really called or anything.  No reason to cater to her when you did nothing wrong, IMO.

Post # 5
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think you should invite her – if you invite her, you two have the chance to reconcile or at least make peace. If you don’t invite her, it can only get worse.

Post # 6
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’d listen to your gut on this one. Although you have every reason NOT to invite her because it seems like she hasn’t made an effort, you might regret it years down the road. Let’s say you become friends again, and you find out the drama had nothing to do with you- she was going through a rough time in her life and taking it out on you– wouldn’t you want to have invited her to your wedding?

If you invite her, there’s a chance she won’t come, and then it might all be clear to you. But by being the bigger person and inviting her, you keep the door to your friendship open for the future. And if she does come, I doubt she’ll ruin your wedding… if she is still distant, she’ll be someone that you chat with for a few minutes at your wedding before moving on to other people.

If you don’t invite her, you are pretty much saying that your friendship is over.

I would invite her… because if you are already feeling guilty at the thought of not inviting her, your gut is telling you to really think about this!

Post # 7
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would invite her and be the bigger person. Ball’s in HER court now. She can come or not.

Post # 8
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with ejs.

Post # 9
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

i agree w/ ejs. if you invite her and she doesn’t come, at least you won’t be feeling guilty over it. if she does come, it’ll be a chance to start a new chapter – friendships are hard to end.

Post # 10
618 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Invite her.  Her problem is not with you, it’s with another friend.  Hopefully she’ll realize she’s been taking her frustrations out on the wrong person and come to her senses before the wedding.  I dealt with feuding bridesmaids too and I understand how hard it is to be in the neutral party in the middle.  But in the end, she’s your friend (and a good enough friend that you wanted her as a bridesmaid).  Wonderful girlfriends are hard to find and hopefully you’ll make up and be able to forgive her rudeness and be stronger friends for it in the end. 

Post # 11
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

It doesn’t sound like you have anything to lose by inviting her. By The Way – did she at least send a gift for the shower?

Post # 13
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yep, invite her. She doesn’t sound like the type to willfully engage in drama, so she’s not going to cause a scene or anything. My policy with friends is to always give them another chance if I can… but I’m an extremely loyal person and pretty picky about my friends in the first place haha.

ejs’s got the right idea. 🙂

Post # 14
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Invite her.  It sounds like she was understanding her own boundaries when it comes to drama.  Perhaps the wedding in general was very stressful to her.  I’d also try to make plans with her (maybe grab coffee or something), just to chat and catch up.  Try to keep wedding talk to a minimum, unless asked.  She could be feeling that you are too busy with the wedding for friendship and doesn’t want to bother you (which is why she hasn’t called, etc.)

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