Post # 1
One of my bridesmaids, who was also one of my close friends, dropped out of my wedding back in June. My wedding is in September. Her reasoning was “there is too much drama and I’m tired of it”. Honestly, I don’t think it had anything to do with me. She was mad at my best friend, who is also my Maid/Matron of Honor. Well my bridal shower was at the end of July, and she had already been invited, so I figured that would be the test… if she came, she would be invited to the wedding. If not, she wouldn’t. Well, she didn’t come. We’ve talked MAYBE twice since she dropped out of my wedding, and it’s been over 3 months. We’re not friends anymore, as you can imagine, her dropping out ruined our friendship, and she dropped out in a really RUDE way. But I still feel guilty for not inviting her to the wedding.
Am I right for not inviting her?
Post # 3
I would probably invite her. Even if she dropped out in a rude way, if you really think it was because of drama between her and your Maid/Matron of Honor, then I would still invite her. Give her one last chance. Maybe she didn’t come to the shower because it would have been awkward with all the other ladies there, talk about the elephant in the room.
So, based just on the info you provided I would try one last time to salvage the relationship if you want to.
Post # 4
I think you’re right. Even if she dropped out because of Maid/Matron of Honor drama, she never bothered to explain and hasn’t really called or anything. No reason to cater to her when you did nothing wrong, IMO.
Post # 5
I think you should invite her – if you invite her, you two have the chance to reconcile or at least make peace. If you don’t invite her, it can only get worse.
Post # 6
I’d listen to your gut on this one. Although you have every reason NOT to invite her because it seems like she hasn’t made an effort, you might regret it years down the road. Let’s say you become friends again, and you find out the drama had nothing to do with you- she was going through a rough time in her life and taking it out on you– wouldn’t you want to have invited her to your wedding?
If you invite her, there’s a chance she won’t come, and then it might all be clear to you. But by being the bigger person and inviting her, you keep the door to your friendship open for the future. And if she does come, I doubt she’ll ruin your wedding… if she is still distant, she’ll be someone that you chat with for a few minutes at your wedding before moving on to other people.
If you don’t invite her, you are pretty much saying that your friendship is over.
I would invite her… because if you are already feeling guilty at the thought of not inviting her, your gut is telling you to really think about this!
Post # 7
I would invite her and be the bigger person. Ball’s in HER court now. She can come or not.
Post # 9
i agree w/ ejs. if you invite her and she doesn’t come, at least you won’t be feeling guilty over it. if she does come, it’ll be a chance to start a new chapter – friendships are hard to end.
Post # 10
Invite her. Her problem is not with you, it’s with another friend. Hopefully she’ll realize she’s been taking her frustrations out on the wrong person and come to her senses before the wedding. I dealt with feuding bridesmaids too and I understand how hard it is to be in the neutral party in the middle. But in the end, she’s your friend (and a good enough friend that you wanted her as a bridesmaid). Wonderful girlfriends are hard to find and hopefully you’ll make up and be able to forgive her rudeness and be stronger friends for it in the end.
Post # 11
It doesn’t sound like you have anything to lose by inviting her. By The Way – did she at least send a gift for the shower?
Post # 12
Thank you for all the advice everyone, I appreciate it.
And no, she didn’t send a gift for the shower. She hasn’t even talked to me, but once since then.
Post # 13
Yep, invite her. She doesn’t sound like the type to willfully engage in drama, so she’s not going to cause a scene or anything. My policy with friends is to always give them another chance if I can… but I’m an extremely loyal person and pretty picky about my friends in the first place haha.
ejs’s got the right idea. 🙂
Post # 14
Invite her. It sounds like she was understanding her own boundaries when it comes to drama. Perhaps the wedding in general was very stressful to her. I’d also try to make plans with her (maybe grab coffee or something), just to chat and catch up. Try to keep wedding talk to a minimum, unless asked. She could be feeling that you are too busy with the wedding for friendship and doesn’t want to bother you (which is why she hasn’t called, etc.)