Am I doomed to have a terrible 2nd child??

posted 4 days ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I think you need to think longer-term… I was a nightmare baby. Very high needs and screamed constantly until I was about school age. However after that I became the most quiet and well-behaved child. Yes kids are unpredictable, especially at the baby stage,  but good parenting goes a.long way. Most people have more than one child – I’m sure you will be able to balance spending time with both kids. Even if your new baby turns out to be high needs, like I said that’s just a short-term thing and there will be plenty of time later on to make up for the years you spent focused on the high needs baby/child if you have one. Of course this is all just imagined – you might have another easy baby! Who knows…

 

Post # 3
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

Hahah, let us know how the baby turned out! 😂 I promise you wont think it’s a bad child even if the baby would cry all night every night. Also, there will come a day when your son thinks his sibling is much more fun to play with than you! It’s all going to be great, don’t worry. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
3508 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

anonymous1234444 :  what baby isn’t “sweet”? Yes, you could have one that cries more and doesn’t sleep well, etc. but all babies are sweet – they literally don’t have the capability to be any other way. 

You’ll survive having a needy baby, if that’s what you have. Remember, the needy part is 1 year tops. And your other son is so young that he won’t remember life before the baby and how much things have changed – all he’ll know when he grows up is that he has a sibling. 

Post # 5
Member
5518 posts
Bee Keeper

anonymous1234444 :  I can relate to your feelings because I had a suprise pregnancy when my daughter was 10 months old. When I found out I FREAKED out so hard. It had caused my milk supply to tank and I was super upset that it didn’t look like I was going to be able to nurse my daughter until her first birthday. It also meant that a lot of house plans were going to have to be put on hold, that we were going to have to move up the timeline to buy a bigger car, everything. I felt so guilty that I might not have more one on one time with my little girl. I had just finally calmed down and started to see all the positives of having them close in age when I miscarried so I can’t speak to what the second one is like. I have made a point to make sure she sees me holding all of my friends’ newborns though to sort of gauge any potential jealousy and so far she’s like “cool – you’re holding a baby, whatevs I have blocks”. 

My mom said my sister and I were both super easy babies so you may luck out. I know my husband’s little brother was a nightmare though (still is a little hahaha). I think it is just all pure luck. 

 

Post # 6
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

There’s no reason at all that your babies would be opposites.  A newborn doesn’t know its place in the birth order, who came \ before or who might come after.  Embryos do not know how to track or respond to data.  It’s an old wives tale that springs from the idea that second babies are EASIER, which can be explained by parents being more chill and experienced at what they’re doing.

Conversely, if you go into this convinced your child is going to be terrible and that its existence will ruin your sons life, the baby will respond to the stress it feels from you.  It will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you want this baby, then try to relax.  Welcome it with a low stress environment and good endorphins.  If you don’t want it, and are using this fear to justify that, you don’t have to have it.

Post # 7
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

My first is amazing- sweet, kind, funny- he was a shit sleeper (but now sleeps like a champ) and is an all around great kid.  Our second, is darling, smiles a lot, and also is a shit sleeper.  Honestly- I can’t say they’re terribly different- but also not terribly the same.  My loving older son was trying to sit on his darling baby sister’s head last night- because he’s two, and that’s just what he’s into (sigh).  So, I guess I’d say – whatever you get, you’ll love him/her and honestly- just remember- all of the phases (good or bad) don’t last forever.  Congratulations!

Post # 8
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

My first child has been called a ‘trick baby’ as he is so good natured he ‘tricks’ you into wanting more. I’m currently pregnant with my second – they will be 20 months apart. This was a planned pregnancy, as I think a two year age gap is perfect. I’m not sure how the second baby is going to be yet, but I know I will love them regardless. I’m really looking forward to watching them grow up together close in age.

I’m also aware that my happy go lucky one year old could easily change into a terrible 2 or 3 year old. Every stage goes by so quickly – embrace and enjoy it!

Post # 9
Member
7490 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

All 3 of my kids were terrible sleepers. Hopefully you will get 2 good sleepers. Relax.

Post # 10
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

anonymous1234444 :  I wouldn’t worry so much about it. My dh’s parents told me that he was an easy baby and an easy child so they decided to have a second baby. The second baby was even easier. Both of them were calm and very polite children. Their third kid were very needy and as a teen she got in all types of trouble. Now she is in residency to become a surgeon.

You will be fine.

Post # 11
Member
9671 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would think longer term as well.  My first wasn’t a great sleeper but after 6 months she wasn’t horrible either.  But otherwise she was a very easy baby.  Happy, never cried, etc.  My second was colicky and high needs and that was rough for the first 3 months (with the crying and fussing) but he’s still never been a good sleeper.  He woke up 4-5x a night until 19 mo old.  But to be honest, he is the sweetest little boy.  He just doesn’t like to sleep (yet lol) smile.  My first is wild in her own ways and they’re both stubborn.  My oldest is 4.5 and can be completely out of control at times even though she was an “easy” baby.

Maybe you should try rethinking things.  Newborns aren’t really terrors (even though I sometimes thought to myself that my second was torturing me in the middle of the night) but they can be high needs and more demanding.  But that doesn’t mean they will always be that way.  Kids are always changing.  You may find that even your first migth become a “terror” periodically as he grows and develops and goes through different stages.

Post # 12
Member
8087 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

anonymous1234444 :  “all I hear is how #1 and #2 are always opposites.” — This is a ridiculous generalization, and one that I’ve never even heard. You’ve heard this from more than one person, that they are “always” “opposites”? I recommend ignoring whoever is saying this because it’s so extreme and so easy to prove false just by asking a few friends and family. My first was very easy, my second was slightly less easy. Then during teen years, my first was a nightmare and my second was pretty easy. So at no point were they “opposites”, and the easy/less-easy-ness swapped at different points. They are 2 different people. There is no way to know which will be an easier baby, child, teen, then adult. Seriously, think about this realistically — it doesn’t make sense that all second children will be terrible or will be “opposite” of the first. You don’t have to be thrilled about being pregnant, but this is not a reason to worry or be upset.

Post # 13
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You know I can actually relate to this fear as I have the same thought from time-to-time.  I had a perfect pregnancy with my little guy–zero symptoms other than of course the belly getting bigger, textbook recovery from c-section, and him being such an easy-going baby, sleeping through the night starting at 3 months old and nowadays I pretty much just have to toss him into the crib at bedtime and he goes to sleep.  I cuddle him and sing lullabies to him because I want to, not because he needs it to go to sleep.

So now that I’m pregnant with the second (they will be a little over 2 years apart), I’m nervous too! Haha. My mother-in-law told me that my husband was an angel baby like the little guy now, meanwhile my husband’s younger brother still wasn’t sleeping through the night, not even close, at 18 months old!.   

Ultimately this is just one of those things where it is what it is, you know?  We don’t have any control over it.  If they’re going through a good stage, we should enjoy it while it lasts.  Because it won’t last forever.  If they’re going through a more high-maintenance stage, we just need to remind ourselves that medical conditions aside, there are no college students who are still wearing diapers and waking up at night needing to be held and fed every 3 hours.  It won’t last forever.  

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