Post # 1
Needing your love and thoughts on this one…..
I’m a young Bee (23) and I have been dating my 27 year old bf now now for about 5 months. He is the sweetest guy, he truly is. He cares about me and is overall very kind and tries to put me first, however, recently I’ve been a little concerned about moving forward but dont have a really great reason for this concern.
This has probably been one of the healthiest relationships Iv ever been in, but I’m still questioning if its the right relationshop for me.
I am extremely outdoorsy and active. I like to hike every weekend and go running every day. Im very much a grab life by the reigns kind of gal.
My bf is not active, and has expressed his deep disinterest for being active. Ocasionally we will walk on the trail togather but thats about it.
He also very much wants children. I, on the other hand could give or take having kids, and if I have a child I only want one. He has told me that this could potentially be a deal breaker.
Also (this is the silliest one but to me feels big) I have always wanted a dog of my own and have grown up with dogs being members of the family. Bing a dog parent is truly a big goal for me (even more important than having children). Although he owns a dog, he has told me that a dog is simply a dog and not something to put alot of time, energy or resources in (this really bugs me)
This past weekend we got into a fight because he went on a hike with me but was in a bad mood the whole time.
He invited me to go to Gulf Shores with him and his friends this summer and I intially agreed until finding out the only activities we would be doing are sitting on the beach and drinking (I dont want to spend my time off work and my money just laying around love the beach but Im more of a surfing girl) so I’ll be telling him tonight that I dont think its a good idea if I go.
Am I reading too much into thngs or are we just not compatable?
Post # 2
Sounds like you do have a good reason for breaking up with him. He might be the nicest guy in the world, but the two of you aren’t compatible. You have different interests and different goals in life. It’s nobody’s fault; you’re just not a good match.
Post # 3
None of those are small things. They are big compatibility issues – especially the kids thing. You are allowed to say you want someone who is on the same page as you about those things. They are all valid reasons for ending a relationship.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle
I’m failing to see how he’s such a great guy, but if you’re having these doubts now I can tell you they will only intensify over time. I’d cut my losses and break it off.
Post # 5
lifelovemountains : Sounds like you’re not compatible, I would end it sooner than later
Post # 6
In my personal experience, these are total deal breakers. Some more than others. Just from personal experience, being an animal lover is a huge win for me. My 2 dogs are like my babies.. and will always be my babies. If any guy tried to tell me they couldnt sleep in bed with me, I’d be like… gtfo.
Same with the active thing.. if you’re not a heavy drinker, and you prefer to be active, you’ll be constantly annoyed.
Just my two cents.
Post # 7
marybee22 : Same! I’ve always thought if someone told me I could only pic between dogs and kids I would always choose a dog!
Post # 8
You have many reasons here. The kid thing is quite a large one! Not to mention your very different lifestyles when it comes to activities.
And dogs and cats and any fur baby are just as important and you should be able to put all the time and energy into your furbaby. I have a cat and I love her to pieces. I would do anything for her.
I broke up with a guy last year (with the help of the bees on here – they’re awesome) and nothing crazy big was wrong but incompatability. We were 8 months down the road and I was ready to start thinking of moving in together (which we talked about) and spending more time together. Neither of those worked out well and he even wanted me to give up my cat if we moved in together because it would bother his eyes SOMETIMES. Yeah no! And he had a harley and would barely ride it! Like come on!
Anyway, the point is, you have quite a few reasons and you’re young. Don’t give up the things you want to do for a guy. I’ve done that too and boy did that kick me in the ass. You should own a dog and be active and have someone who is active with you and shares the same life goals.
Just because it’s healthy, doesn’t mean it’s right for you.
Post # 9
sweetdee89 : Thanks for the insights bee! Also would love to see pics of your cat!
Post # 10
Incompatability is the best reason to break up! Its a good thing that you discovered this before you became emotionally invested.
Post # 11
lifelovemountains : The reason is – this relationship isnt working for you. Thats a good reason. Not dumb at all.
Post # 12
lifelovemountains : Not all opposites attract. I too am really outdoorsy, and my fiancé wasn’t, but has become much more so since we’ve been together. He loves exploring, camping, etc. He played college sports, so he is an athlete, so it wasn’t too difficult to get him outdoors. I can’t picture myself with someone who would chose to be sedentary. I think you did yourself (and him) a favor.
Post # 13
lifelovemountains : you have perfectly valid reasons, but even if you didn’t just a simple “because I’m not feeling this relationship” is plenty!
Post # 14
lifelovemountains : Your title implies you don’t have a good reason, but you do. You’re incompatible in many ways. That in itself is more than enough reason to break up with someone, and it’s better to do it at 5 months, then to wait and give both of you false hope of this lasting. Not to mention, one of your incompatibilities has been classified as a possible dealbreaker! That’s a huge reason to take a deep look at if you’d be happy with someone who doesn’t like the same things you do, views pets completely differently than you do, and the biggest, absolutely huge issue, is that you have differing views on children and how many you’d like to have, or for you, if you even want them.
Post # 15
Also out of curiosity, does anyone else put their pets on the same level as children?