(Closed) Am I Excited For Nothing?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@colesn:  Don’t get excited!!!! If you are right, you’re ruining the surprise. If you are wrong, you’ll be ruining Christmas for yourself!

But to be honestly, while that does sound promising, I’d REALLY HIGHLY doubt he could get the ring by Christmas Eve, much less have it resized. 

Post # 4
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

You could be onto something!!

Post # 5
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@colesn:  hi there! Welcome! It does sound promising to me, but it think I’m supposed to throw in the “don’t get your hopes up” disclaimer as well lol….however after 7 years and the discussions moving more towards the near future, my fingers are crossed for a holiday proposal!

Post # 6
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I probably wouldn’t get my hopes up, it doesn’t sound like he plans to propose. I hope I am wrong though!

Post # 7
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

@colesn:  I’m sorry to dash your hopes, but as much as I would love to say it sounds promising, I am going to say it does not sound likely  that there will be a Christmas proposal to me. I think it is highly likely that the ring selling and your SO being excited about Christmas presents are totally unrelated events.

I say this because I assume your talk of goals did not form into any sort of timeline (you don’t mention that it did, so that’s why I say that). Therefore, you don’t know his timeline–he might want to get married tomorrow or 3+ years from now. The “in due time hun, not yet” makes me think that he is just not ready right now. The thing is, if he did want to get married soon, I think it’d be more likely that he would have been straightforward with you about that.

Additionally, does he have enough $ for the ring just laying around? Many guys have to save for a ring at least for a little while. And then there’s the fact that it’d be a really tight timeline to get it there and resized for Christmas…

I’m sorry, but if I were you I would not get my hopes up. I hope I’m wrong, but with the information presented, this is what I think.

Post # 10
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

@colesn:  I really felt like I was kicking a puppy writing that post, but I just honestly don’t want you to get your hopes up without having a reason to do so. When I do that and then things that I’m looking forward to don’t happen, it’s crushing.

I think the fact that you two are having all of these future conversations is great. It’s definitely a positive. At this point, you’ve been together 7 years and I think it’s more than reasonable to ask when he sees the two of you getting married. I think you’d be hurting yourself more keeping it ambiguous than getting a straightforward answer. What’s there is there, and it will still be there whether or not you know it’s there. At least knowing the truth will let you know what to expect.

I sincerely hope it all goes well and wish you the best of luck! And I hope you stick around here. It’s generally a pretty supportive community, especially the waiting board. Welcome to the Bee! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
265 posts
Helper bee

I’m always both an optimist and a pessimist.  The optimist in me says that you should feel excited about this.  There’s every chance that your discussion with him did lead him to buy that ring for you.  However, the pessimist in me also says that things on Etsy sell all the time, so it’s definitely possible that someone else bought it.  It does sound good, though, that he wants to exchange gifts with you in private.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Post # 13
441 posts
Helper bee

@colesn:  OK.  Have you truly accepted the REALISM of

@MissMarple:  ?  I don’t think she’s being pessimistic or puppy kicking, I think she’s being realistic about what is probably the truth of the situation.  I’m asking if you can truly be realistic because I want to be a little optomistic here.  But I do not want to set you up for disappointment.

Optomism:  My SO and I looked at rings 4 months ago.  When I asked him for a timeline he said within 6 months but even I knew that was a BS timeline.  He wanted to marry me but he honestly didn’t know when he’d feel ready.  I kept bugging him once a month and he’d say “sooner rather than later”, his sweet way of blowing me off like your mans’ “in due time”.  But about 6 weeks ago I started to notice little changes, kind of like your man’s actually taking an interest in a ring and asking for sizes.  A few days after Thanksgiving (a very family oriented time, like Christmas), he sat me down out of the blue and said “I guess it’s time to buy your ring.  Can you meet me at the jewelry store tomorrow at lunch to make sure I get exactly what you wanted?”.  He bought it that day and was sooo excited and cute.  Literally, a week before I was on the Bee wailing in frustration and coming up with “Talk, not walk” dates.  Men decide they’re ready based on emotion, not logic.  Now I’m like you, wondering if I’ll get a Christmas proposal because I don’t know if the jeweler can get it made in time or if SO has some other proposal plan.

Stay realistic! But dream.  I feel like I’m in one right now.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
36 posts
  • Wedding: January 2015


i had my eye on a radiant halo from MoissaniteCo which happened to be in the sale section. SO had asked me to make him a short list of styles I liked so I emailed my MCo wishlist link to him.  A couple says later it disappeared from my wishlist and the sale section, meaning it had been sold. I was sure he had bought it until a couple says later when SO suggested we go looking together in the city.. at this point I was still thinking he was trying to cover his tracks but I was mistaken, it was all conicsodence.

luckily, although I really liked the radiant halo online, I didn’t like it on me in store and we went for a TOTALLY different style… And ordered it last night! Funnily enough the one we went with was listed on sale ya couple of days aftwe my initial pick was sold to some other lucky lady. Everything happens for a reason I guess ๐Ÿ™‚

Maybe you will get your Christmas proposal but I wouldn’t rely on the Internet trail on your dream ring from my own personal experience.


Post # 15
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

@colesn:  I wrote my post with the assumption that he wants to marry you, as you either implied it or mentioned it earlier. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s just the timeline that seems fuzzy to me. Has he said “I want to marry you soon/in 6 months/in a year/etc”? As I said before, the “In due time hun, not yet” makes me think that he is not thinking soon and may be thinking farther along than you are. If you look at just the simple meaning, ‘in due time’ means eventually or at some point in the future.

For me, I would say that two people are not ready to get married until they’re actually talking about getting in specific terms and it will happen within a couple of years. That means not just talking about marriage in general or even marriage to each other in general, but mentioning specific things (eg. “I want to get married in a few months/a year/two years” or “Let’s go look at rings!” etc). As an aside, I can certainly see why long proposals are necessary but that also means that two people are not ready to get married soon in my opinion. And that’s totally fine for them. It’s just that when you get out to more than 2 or so years away, you’re really talking about something that I would say is farther away than soon.

Does that make sense? No one can read anyone else’s mind so you don’t know whether he wants to marry you soon if he hasn’t expressed that he does and/or shown that he does. That’s why I think sooner rather than later is the perfect time to ask what’s on his mind. Next time you’re talking about marriage, throw in, “So when do you see us getting married?” There’s really no way you can be worse off in your relationship by doing that. Worst case scenario: his timeline is different from yours and he feels like he needs more time. Best case scenario: he’s on the same page with you and then either y’all can talk more about how to make it happen or he will assure you he’ll just take care of everything so that the engagement does happen.

Got a bit long-winded there, sorry.

We see women on here assume they know what is going on and not ask, and many times those women end up disappointed. That’s why I’m telling you to ask. I mean, even with my own personal scenario–we started talking about the future in what I thought were more concrete terms. So, like you, I came on here and got really excited. Then when I finally got around to asking him when he thought all this was going to happen, it was much, much later in his mind than it was in my mind. Now, we do have some circumstances that slow the process down and haven’t been together as long as you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend have, but it was really important to me to face the reality of what was on his mind. I stayed here and hang around on these boards for fun and because I like giving advice, but I realized on my own that I’m actually better off not rushing things even if one just looks at it from my perspective.

I have no doubt your situation will be way different than mine is, but it’s just an example that proper communication helps clarify things. There’s no way that proper communication will make your situation worse, because, as I said previously, what’s there is there. Ambiguity is not your friend here.

@SomedaymrsWDS:  Aww, thanks friend! ๐Ÿ™‚ I like to call myself a realistic optimist. I like to see things heading a certain way before I’ll let myself get carried away.

Maybe the term puppy kicking is not correct, but I just got this feeling like, here’s this person full of hope and dreams and you’re just going to rain reality onto her and maybe make her feel bad. Though to be fair, I sincerely hope I’m wrong and that OP’s Boyfriend or Best Friend has gotten his stuff together. I just think it’s better to figure out what the reality is before we can be very optimistic.

Post # 16
1010 posts
Bumble bee

@colesn:  I think you may be right! Yay! Never underestimate *waiting radar* haha poor SO’s…we’re more sensitive to “something’s up!” than usual! He could have gotten it for Christmas if you said you showed him a few weeks ago and it was sold days later.

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