(Closed) Am I expected to go to this wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1231 posts
Bumble bee

I guess she already thinks of you as part of the family,so that’s nice! I probably wouldn’t go. He really dropped the ball by not replying sooner, so if you don’t feel comfortable going, he needs to call her up and apologize and decline for both of you.

Post # 4
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would go – it’s really rude to cancel so late when your plates have already been paid for. I think you’ll be kicking yourself for not going when it’s closer to time for your own wedding – it is extremely frusturating to have people cancel over things they must of known about in advance (like working the weekend of Black Friday), especially when they’ve RSVPed that they’re coming, then have to track down those guests through phone calls and e-mails that don’t get responded to when you need a response ASAP because you’re trying to do seating charts and such.

You’re going to be family soon, and you RSVPed yes. Do the right thing and go, even though your Fiance did definitely drop the ball on this one.

Post # 5
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Are they coming to your wedding? I feel like you should go or if you cancel you should give a much larger gift than you would have. She probably knows  you could ride with your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law to the wedding.

Post # 6
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Not sure why they would expect you to go. That just sounds awkward to me. Send a nice gift and have your husband call to cancel. 

Post # 9
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

In kinda the same situation, a cousin ( a really good close cousin) of my Fiance invited me to her bridal shower even though I had never met her. It was a little over an hour away ( not 13) and though his mom and sisters offered to drive with me, i drove alone…to a party…where I would only know his mom and sis and one aunt. I had a really  nice time, I felt like I got closer to his sisters a lil and his fam was really happy i went. So i can kinda relate to the huh? you want me to go? feeling.

Post # 9
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

It kind of sounds like you have alredy made up your mind about going. I agree with PP, have Fiance call apologize for the confusion and send a larger gift than you would have, possibly with a hand written congrats note. (that last one would make me happy, the thought that counts and what not)

Post # 10
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Bichon Frise: How will you get to know them if you don’t go to events like this?  The time to express the concerns re the long drive and accommodations was back when they inquired if you’d be attending without him.  Obviously, he wasn’t clear about it if he was asked in return if you’d be going.  Basically, it seems like as a couple you’ve done two “wrongs”: 1) changing an rsvp yes to no and 2) failing to respond to an inquiry when they are busy trying to plan.  Failing to go at this point would make it three strikes.  They may not lose much money, but even a casual buffet style wedding charges by the person.  Let me put it this way, it may be FI’s fault, but if you don’t go, they will remember you for a long time for this slight, inconvenience, and cost to them, rather than as the FI’s new wife.  Is that how you want the start of your relationship with FI’s extended family?

ETA: I agree with @imalittlebirdie: that you already made up your mind before posting, regardless of what folks say here.

Post # 11
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

I would expect you to go as the fiancee too. Both of my nephews FI’s attended weddings when they themselves couldn’t be there, and we never expected they wouldn’t.

My SIL’s Bridesmaid or Best Man had to drop out of the wedding right before because of a last minute job assignment, but his Fiance came anyway too.

Post # 12
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’ve actually gone to my FI’s cousins wedding alone. It was a lot of fun and I’m glad I went. I wasn’t even sat with his parents but at a random table but I made friends and socialized. It is a bit late to cancel so if it doesn’t interfere with your Thanksgiving plans then I would go. They obviously see you as family now or else they would have assumed that you wouldn’t go. Good luck!

Post # 13
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

No, I don’t think you have to go. What happened was a miscommunication that unfortunately was your FI’s fault since he failed to mention your name or include you in his original declination email and then did not respond when the MOB emailed to confirm what you were doing (which is the polite thing to do in her situation). But still, this can all be fixed by a quick phone call from your Fiance apologizing up and down for his mistakes and explaining that you will be staying home with him as well and he meant to say that in his original email.

It’s awkward adn definitely requires an apology from your Fiance to his aunt, but not the end of the world. You are most likely just a flash in the pan in this whole wedding situation, so once she scratches you off the list I’m sure she’ll move on and forget about it.

Post # 14
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Wonderstruck: Agreed. I think its best to go. I know you don’t want to go now but you did RSVP yes and your Fiance never told them you weren’t coming. 

Post # 15
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

No, you are definitely not expected to go. Just have your Fiance call and explain the situation and send a card and a gift. It’s not that big of a deal.

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