Post # 1
Wedding planning is going well. We are having 4 bridemaids in the wedding party and no Maid/Matron of Honor. I haven’t asked my bridesmaids to help out with any wedding details and the only thing on their plate is their attire, my shower and bachelorette. All my 3 bridesmiads are very easy going with everything about the wedding. However, 1 of my bridesmaid seems to being difficult about every detail it seems.
Firstly, I allowed my bridemaids to choose their own style of dress in the same material. The 3 bridesmaids found a dress they loved, while the difficult bridesmaid couldn’t find a dress she liked that much. There were over 15 different styles of dresses to choose from and at least 4 of them looked fantastic on her. She wasn’t deciding so we got into it a bit and she made comments like she is not my biatch. Personally, I think I’m being quite reasonable allowing her to choose her own dress out of 15 different styles. My only request is that it was knee length and didn’ t have similar detail on them on my dress. I felt them selecting thier own style they could find something they really feel good in wearing. Also, can I say that I had absolute NO imput in the dress I wore at her wedding and it was FAR FAR from my taste. However, I wore it with a smile. Long story short she did decide on a dress but I could tell she wasn’t in love with it.
Secondly, now we are having problems with the shoes. Since the dresses are all different I wanted the girls to wear the same shoes as I would like some consistency so it looks put together. I didn’t ask for any input for the shoes as I know I won’t please everyone after the dress situation but instead went out and bought all the girls their shoes to wear at the wedding. They are super cute and have 2 1/2 inch heel. My mum and I both tried them on and they were pretty comfy. Well of course, the bridesmaid doesn’t think she will be able to wear the shoes with the heel. She does have a bit of sore back (pinch nerve) but I don’t think a 2 1/2 heel is that bad. I mentioned that after ceremony/pictures for her to bring a comfy pair of shoes. Am I being unreasonable about this? Should I just tell her to wear what she feels comfortable in or should she just wear the shoes I bought for all the girls for the ceremony/pictures and then changed into something else?
Thirdly, now it is the issue of the hair. All the girls are going to get their hair done the day of. I have given them the choice to do their own hair or get it professionally done. It is completely up to them. They all decided that they would like to get thier hair done professionally and decided to have all updos. I have booked all the appointments with all of their consent. A few days ago, she told my mum and other bridesmaid that she would like to do her own hair as she doesn’t want to pay $60.00 to get the updo. To be perfectly honest I am fine with that as long as she can put her hair up. She hasn’t come out and told me this but I have asked her and waiting for her to tell me one way or another. I would just like to know to cancel her appointment so I can adjust all the other girls appointments.
I just feel with this one bridesmaid everything is an issue and she isn’t being flexible. I being too unrealistic about these details or is she being very difficult? Just curious your thoughts and how I should handle my bridesmaid?
Post # 3
If the story is as you say — it doesn’t seem you are being too difficult. You’re not being demanding or a bridezilla in my opinion. I would bring the topic up to the difficult bridesmaid personally and try to talk to her about it, so you’re not left in the dark. Just let her know if she chooses to do her own hair, that’s fine — you would just like to see how she plans on doing it before hand.
Best of Luck! Let us know how it goes!
Post # 4
You are being a tad unrealistic. It was very sweet of you to buy all their shoes, which I believe the bride should do any time she wants something that specific. However she has back problems, so any heel at all might be out of the question for her. I know to you (and me, hello 4in heels!) such a small one might not be a big deal but it could be to her. Don’t stress yourself out about it, I promise no one but you will notice her shoes are different.
As for the hair, if you want professional updo’s you have to pay for them. It’s just that simple. But you seem like you’re being very reasonable by allowing her to do it herself. I think she’s being a bit of a drag by making such a fuss over every single thing, but she is (etiquette-wise) in the right. How quickly she forgot everything she had you do for her wedding! I wouldn’t worry at all about the fact that she only told your mom and not you. She was probably trying to avoid a confrontation since it seems like theres been one about every little detail so far. Good luck!
Post # 5
I would let the dress thing go. Yes, she was being kinda difficult, but it’s taken care of now, so you should move on and not hold a grudge.
Without knowing the details of her back issues (Maybe I would feel differently if I knew it was badly damaged from an accident or she had surgery or something . . . ), I don’t think you’re being unreasonable about the shoes.
I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect everyone to have to pay to have their hair done professionally, but it sounds like you’re not doing that. If I were you, I would just let her (and ALL your bridesmaids) know that you are fine with them doing their own hair, they just need to let you know so you can cancel appointments.
Post # 6
You are being unreasonable about one thing. “She does have a bit of sore back (pinch nerve) but I don’t think a 2 1/2 heel is that bad” Do you have a pinched nerve? Unless you do, then you don’t know what kind of pain she will be in from wearing the wrong type of shoe.
The rest of it, I would let the dress thing go. No point in being pissed about it, because they all bought their dresses. The hair thing, let it go unless you are going to pay for it. If she can’t do her own updo, what are you going to do? Kick her out on the day of? If you want your girls to have one hairstyle, then you pay for it.
I think you need to take a step back and breathe. It’s not that serious. It’s not like she refused to buy the dress, or set the shoes on fire once she saw them, or told you to eff off about the hair.
Post # 7
Gonna have to agree on the shoe thing it’s unreasonable to put her in any heels if it’s a health problem (and it is).
As for the dress, she didn’t love any of the 15 what’s wrong with that? She doesn’t have to. She did end up with the right dress so drop that.
The only other thing you are complaining about is her changing her mind for the hair. I don’t think she’s wrong for changing her mind nor are you for being annoyed about it.
Post # 8
Its not that I am annoyed of her changing her mind it is at everything is an issue wtih her. She isn’t flexible about anything.
I guess by all your responses I guess I am being unreasonable. Just goes to show that you can’t please everone. Thank you.
Post # 9
While this isn’t the biggest drama any of us have heard of – if you’re laid back enough to let her wear her hair the way she wants and let her wear whatever shoes she needs to then everyone will be happy.
Post # 10
honestly- neither the shoe nor the hair issue is worth getting into. no one is going to notice if they aren’t all in the same shoes or their hair is slightly different.
Post # 11
I also have a Bridesmaid or Best Man like this. Fiance calls her Debbie Downer, lol. She had issues with the dress. Which she was also given many styles to choose from. Finally she picked one saying “its just ok”. I also bought their shoes, a silver strappy 2 inch heel I thought they could all wear again. All the girls were excited except for this Bridesmaid or Best Man.”I guess those are fine,” she says. Then I bought them Victoria’s Secret cardigans. Once again everyone liked them but she didn’t even say thanks. Just tried it on and said “I guess it fits”. The newest thing is she is unhappy with the bridesmaids entrance song for the reception. Yet she didn’t have any ideas for a different song. It can be frustrating but I just ignore the bad attitude.
Post # 12
I think that you’re being completely reasonable on everything except the shoe thing. I’m taking her side on that one because I too have health problems that prevent me from wearing heels even for a short length of time. I’d be in agony for days and days after if a bride made me wear even 2.5 inch heels.
As a suggested solution, how about they all wear the same colour of shoe? Or you find a style that you really like that comes in both heels and flats and then the girls can choose?
Good luck! I’m sorry she’s being so difficult.
Post # 13
bobsoon2bewife2013 : I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. It sounds like she is being particulary difficult and having a sour attidude about everything. If I were you, I wouldn’t be upset about the situation with dress, shoes, or hair but it would hurt my feelings that she is making every detail of your wedding seem like a hassel.
Post # 14
You guys realize this post is SIX years old………..right?