- 4 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
First of all, I would like to thank all the Bees that have posted on waiting, walk-dates and moving on, I’ve found a lot of support in your stories.
I want to share my story because I am wondering whether I am expecting too much.
My SO and I were together between 2002 and 2006, while we were in our early/mid 20s. We broke up (I ended it because I knew what I wanted in life, he didn’t, we were young, it wasn’t working), and I moved to another continent (something I wanted to do for a long time) in 2009. I built a new life there and I was very happy. I thought of him every now and then, but I did not expect us to ever get back together.
Long story short, we met in 2012, fell in love again, and I decided to leave my life and move continents to be with him, and we moved in together in May 2013.
He says that I am the love of his life, he will never let me go, he has been waiting all these years for me to come back to him. I’m sure he loves me.
We are now in our mid/late 30s. Once (mid 2013) I explained to him that I want children and that I will not have them without being married. He then said “Will you marry me then?” I said “I expect a proper proposal.”
As you may agree, I invested a lot: I moved continents to be with him. I felt that by Christmas 2013, he would propose. Nothing. He took me on a trip in March 2014 and I thought it would happen then. Still nothing. We discussed it at the end of that trip, his response was “I planned to do something, but…” not naming the reason. Admittedly, I was having a hard time adjusting to my new life and I was not always positive about our relationship. But a major reason for my negativity was because he was not proposing, and I felt worse and that I was wasting my time because he did not propose or even discuss marriage with me.
One afternoon in August 2014 he says to me “The only reason I haven’t proposed yet is because I don’t know what ring to buy you.” I said, “Aww, that’s sweet, I thought you didn’t think about it at all.” “Of course I do.” he said. I took this as hope that he will soon make a move. I had mentioned what type of ring I wanted before, so I didn’t feel that I needed to again at that point.
A couple of weeks ago we were discussing children and I said that I wasn’t sure what he wanted because he never talks about children. His response was that he felt that he has expressed to me numerous times that he wants children – “What am I supposed to do to show you that that’s what I want? Tell me what you want!” I just said “OK.”, kept quiet and ended the discussion. I was so hurt that he did not understand that what I want him to do is propose. After all, I did say mutliple times that I will not have kids without marriage.
My sense is that he doesn’t understand what I want, and I feel humiliated, waiting for him to propose. I also feel like my life is on hold.
I’m considering leaving the relationship in March 2015, because I don’t think that I am getting what I deserve. I changed my life for him, and he doesn’t even want to propose. I don’t want a big wedding or anything like that, the proposal is really the most important thing to me. The other reason is that we talked about buying a house, and I don’t want to get into financial binds with him without being engaged.
My questions to you are:
1. Am I expecting too much?
2. Should I give him hints? I’m not willing to bring up marriage again, I just find it too humiliating that I am the one to always bring this up.
3. Have I been unclear/cryptic?
Thanks Bees 🙂