Am I foolish to wait??

posted 7 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

I couldn’t be in your shoes bc there is no way I would have not one but two children with someone before marriage, if it was truly important. And I never understand the bs excuse that someone is completely ok with a lifetime commitment of children while not being ready for marriage.

Somewhere along the way in your relationship you were no longer on the same page about marriage. You’ve said you made it clear marriage was important to you. So at what point did this become less of a priority? Its kind of a mixed signal to stress the importance of marriage to someone you’re now on a second child with within two years.

Post # 4
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

If he wanted to be married you would be. Sorry bee. Time to pack it in. 

Post # 5
Member
5929 posts
Bee Keeper

When I pushed further he said he’s not ready and not sure that I’m the one

Holy fuck bee. Even most of the guys on here who are stringing women along at least PRETEND “she’s the one”. This guy is straight up using you as an incubator. What a POS.

Post # 8
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

happybee45 :  Understandable. Its unfortunate thst things have turned out this way but the reality seems to be that this man is not interested in marriage. I’m not sure if your assumption was a result of concrete plans made between the both of you, wishful thinking or a combination of the two but in my experience actions always speak louder than words. If marriage is non negotiable then you’re sadly with the wrong person. No one should be pushed into making this type of commitment. When its real theres no need for doubts, nagging, persuasion or convincing. So you have some tough choices to make but I wish you the best.

Post # 11
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

happybee45 :  he’s not sure if you are the one but you have two children together. That makes a whole boatload of sense. Using his past divorce after you have 2 babies together is weak AF. If marriage is important to you, like truly important, you need to reevaluate. What’s shitty is parents breaking up because this wasn’t considered beforehand. It is going to affect your two kids. While I think that you can peacefully coparent, breaking up a family home is detrimental to kids. I’m not saying you should sacrifice your happiness and just stay, its just stupid this is where his head is at. I don’t understand how marriage is more of a commitment than procreating. Makes no sense to me. Tell him he needs to shit or get off the pot. You’re too young for this.

Post # 13
Member
3479 posts
Sugar bee

My honest opinion is that your baby daddy is a jerk of the highest order. You need to understand that he is not commitment phobic, he is commitment averse. He wants an easy out in case miss right comes strolling along. If that happens, he’ll be gone. Stop procreating with people who don’t deserve it. He’s insulted you deeply and you don’t seem to get it.

Post # 15
Member
3479 posts
Sugar bee

happybee45 :  I don’t mean to insult you, but I do mean to insult the man you’ve chosen to be the father of your children. I have no problem with the idea of having kids out of wedlock. It’s not for me, but that doesn’t make it wrong. My sister is an unmarried mother and while I love her and the kids to pieces I struggle to find something to admire in the father. It’s just how I’m wired. 

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