(Closed) Am I freaking out for no reason?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i can totally understand this frustration, one of my BM’s is going through this with her ex/current boyfriend… kinda cloudy what they are…

but i think it’s a balance between, keeping him in check that this 1.5 year pattern can’t last much longer, but at the same time supporting for doing what he can with the summer job.

is he still actively looking? i was unemployed from april – july and only worked part time july-sept and i remember sending out 30/40 resumes a day and making lots of phone calls.

maybe you can encourage to really get on the ball with his search and maybe broaden his search area.

i don’t think you’re being unreasonable in thinking about the next few years in mind. it’s just a matter of how you relay the message to him!

good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. The ability to hold down a job is a pretty important characteristic in a partner for most people. 1.5 years is a LONG time. Has he been actively applying to jobs? If so, why hasn’t he been able to find one – do you think he might be limiting himself too much in the job search, looking in a field that doesn’t have many prospects, etc?

I personally would not marry my Fiance if we were in this situation. I wouldn’t leave him, but tying your life forever to someone who can’t get a job is not a good idea in my opinion. The fact that he brushes off your concerns with general statements like “it’s going to be okay” isn’t great. If it had been a few months, I would have had a very different opinion of the situation. But 1.5 years = not okay.

Post # 6
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My friend and his now wife were in this situation last spring. He asked her to marry him (after being unemployeed for 1.5 year because he left his good job to move to the city she lived in and then the markets crashed, leaving no jobs in his field) and she said she would not even agree to marry him until he found a FT job, in fact, she only gave him 5 months in which to be employeed- anywhere at all- or she was going to kick him out. Harsh, i know, but it motivated him to think outside his narrow box. Within 3 months he found a good paying FT job with benefits, she agreed to marry him and her parents approved the match (important, since she is from the UAE and did not want to be alienated from her family for marrying an American). They got married one year exactly after she gave him the ultimatum. At the time I thought she was being mean to my friend, but he and I relized that it was nessary to force him to expand his job search into other areas. He still keeps an ear to the ground for work in his choosen profession, but in the mean time he has income and a wife.

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