(Closed) Am I going all Bridezilla?!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I tell my guest that I don't want her plus one at my wedding?! Help! Def read on!!
    Suck it up and let him come : (21 votes)
    51 %
    Tell her that he isn't even allowed in my home & therefore CANNOT come to the wedding!! (Tactfully!) : (20 votes)
    49 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I would probably tell her — ESPECIALLY if she knows he’s not welcome at your house.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    Since you wrote plus 1 and not a name, you are can’t dictate who she brings since this person is someone you just dont like, not someone who has caused major problems or harm to you.

    You can, however, have someone else warn her that you do not like him and hopefully she will have enough tact to not bring him.

    EDIT: you will be so busy that day that you will barely see people you want to see and one person you dont want to see will barely be in your thoughts.

    Post # 6
    Member
    445 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Ack! I’d draw the line, sister. Tell her she can bring ANYONE else, but him and maybe she’ll get it…. If you can’t stand the guy (and he’s not family…lol), there is NO reason you should be forced to have him there on YOUR day.

    Just tell it like it is…hopefully, she understands and will accomodate.  If she has a problem…then she might not come to your wedding. But it sounds like it was an invite more out of obligation than out of friendship. Hopefully, no harm done either way! I know…I sound harsh. But if I can’t stand a person, I have a good reason and know I would lay down the law in your situation. Point blank…very little sugar coating. People I can’t stand need to be as far away from me as possible!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1626 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If he isn’t allowed at your home, he shouldn’t be at your wedding. Being busy that day doesn’t mean you wont notice someone you loathe to the very core. I would notice and it would bug me all day.

    Are they even dating or is he just filling the spot so she isn’t coming alone? I would just explain to her politely that for various reasons (you don’t have to say what various reasons) this person is not allowed at your home and you would not feel comfortable with him at your wedding. Yeah you didn’t put a name on the invite, but seriously if your reasons are good enough to ban the guy from your home they are good enough to ban him from your wedding. He doesn’t have to hit you or something for it to be a legit reason.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3267 posts
    Sugar bee

    Unfortunately, you missed your chance to decide who her date was, when you wrote +1. 

    If she was already humping this guy when you invited her I think you should have forseen this potential problem, and nipped it in the bud before now.

    At this point there is no polite way to let her know that she cannot bring this guest.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @soontobemrsjohnnyb: That kinda changes things. If i could change my vote, I would change it to suck-it-up. There’s no way she could have known you two hate him, and you did just say +1. I would be really upset if I was suddenly told my date choice couldn’t come.

    It does seem to late now to tell her she can’t bring him.

    Keep us updated! And good luck.

    Post # 12
    Member
    709 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    this guy isn’t allowed at your house. why would he there so celebrate one of the most special days of your life? i’m sorry but you haven’t been lifelong friends with this woman. they aren’t married. you can go ahead and politely tell her he can’t come. if she can’t respect that, then so be it. its not like she was going to be your children’s god mother right?

    Post # 14
    Member
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I agree with the PPs that think you should tell her. Make sure that you stress that it’s not that you don’t want her to bring a +1, but just this guy. You might risk offending her if she really likes him, but if he’s that much of a mooch, he might’ve offered to be her +1 just to get at your open bar, and if she didn’t have anyone else to bring…

    I do think that you should offer to tell him he’s not invited, rather than putting that awkward moment on her. It sounds like she probably didn’t know that you felt this way about the guy.

    (Also, I don’t think you’re obligated to invite people you don’t know very well just because you’ve talked about your wedding with them.)

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