Post # 1
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
I have extended an invitation to a friend that hasn’t been a friend for long and we like to hang out when we see eachother. I have talked to her about my wedding plans and thought it was polite to invite her. So I included a plus one because she had a then live in boyfriend that I had known for years. I didn’t include his name because at the time things were up in the air with them.
Fast forward 3 months. They broke up. Now her plus one, I found out through the grape vine is a guy that I can’t stand. I mean, like, avoid at all costs. My fiance and I have had a few parties for different holidays and he has shown up to a couple of them as a tag-a-long to another guest. The thing is, he is a serious mooch and I have warned all my other friends since that he is not welcome at my home!! He is the kind of guy that comes into your home and will hang out at the bar all night drinking down anything he can get his hands on. I have known him for about 13 years and nothing, including my feelings about him, have changed.
I seriously want to, as politely as possible, bring up the subject with her and tell her I don’t want him at my wedding. Neither does my fiance.
Does this make me look terrible? Am I going all bridezilla?! How would you approach this?!
Post # 3
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
I would probably tell her — ESPECIALLY if she knows he’s not welcome at your house.
Post # 4
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
@thehoneybear: See, the subject has never come up because there has never been a reason. So I will be opening a whole can of worms because not only do I have to tell her I don’t want him at my wedding, but then I have to explain why I don’t even want him at my house!! It’s a bit of a sticky wicket!! I feel bad, but I just don’t care to see him on my special day! I’m afraid I am just going to have to step on toes……
Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee
Since you wrote plus 1 and not a name, you are can’t dictate who she brings since this person is someone you just dont like, not someone who has caused major problems or harm to you.
You can, however, have someone else warn her that you do not like him and hopefully she will have enough tact to not bring him.
EDIT: you will be so busy that day that you will barely see people you want to see and one person you dont want to see will barely be in your thoughts.
Post # 6
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
Ack! I’d draw the line, sister. Tell her she can bring ANYONE else, but him and maybe she’ll get it…. If you can’t stand the guy (and he’s not family…lol), there is NO reason you should be forced to have him there on YOUR day.
Just tell it like it is…hopefully, she understands and will accomodate. If she has a problem…then she might not come to your wedding. But it sounds like it was an invite more out of obligation than out of friendship. Hopefully, no harm done either way! I know…I sound harsh. But if I can’t stand a person, I have a good reason and know I would lay down the law in your situation. Point blank…very little sugar coating. People I can’t stand need to be as far away from me as possible!
Post # 7
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
If he isn’t allowed at your home, he shouldn’t be at your wedding. Being busy that day doesn’t mean you wont notice someone you loathe to the very core. I would notice and it would bug me all day.
Are they even dating or is he just filling the spot so she isn’t coming alone? I would just explain to her politely that for various reasons (you don’t have to say what various reasons) this person is not allowed at your home and you would not feel comfortable with him at your wedding. Yeah you didn’t put a name on the invite, but seriously if your reasons are good enough to ban the guy from your home they are good enough to ban him from your wedding. He doesn’t have to hit you or something for it to be a legit reason.
Post # 8
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
@staceynrick: I am the same kind of person. I usually don’t pussy foot around. I just feel kind of like lefymw is correct because I didn’t include a name on her plus one, is right in saying I can’t dictate who she brings. But most who knew me and knew I didn’t like him, wouldn’t have the audacity to bring him. they would know better. LOL
I also believe it speaks of how people feel about the douche. A mutual friend and one of my BMs said she has been getting alot of flack from people we know because no one cares for this guy very much. She didn’t want me to hurt her feelings even more, but I seriously can’t stand to even be in the same room as this guy…..
UGH!
Post # 9
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
@Corilee13: At first I heard they were just “boffing”. LOL Someone should totally bring that word back! It’s too funny! Now, it seems they are appearing in public together.
I am thinking I am just going to have to grow a pair and tell her point blank. Maybe not get into what I really think of him or why, but just hey, if he came to my house I would ask him to leave, so I would really not care for him at my wedding. And leave it at that. That way I don’t end up sticking my foot in my mouth if they end up getting married! LOL (Not likely!)
Post # 10
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
Unfortunately, you missed your chance to decide who her date was, when you wrote +1.
If she was already humping this guy when you invited her I think you should have forseen this potential problem, and nipped it in the bud before now.
At this point there is no polite way to let her know that she cannot bring this guest.
Post # 11
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
@soontobemrsjohnnyb: That kinda changes things. If i could change my vote, I would change it to suck-it-up. There’s no way she could have known you two hate him, and you did just say +1. I would be really upset if I was suddenly told my date choice couldn’t come.
It does seem to late now to tell her she can’t bring him.
Keep us updated! And good luck.
Post # 12
Member
709 posts
Busy bee
this guy isn’t allowed at your house. why would he there so celebrate one of the most special days of your life? i’m sorry but you haven’t been lifelong friends with this woman. they aren’t married. you can go ahead and politely tell her he can’t come. if she can’t respect that, then so be it. its not like she was going to be your children’s god mother right?
Post # 13
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
Man! I have given it a day to mull over and was hoping that I might be able to make a decision but I can’t decide. I just don’t really want to pay for this guy to have yet another good time on me….. I thought that this would help but it seems that this is so split that I am just going to have to go with my gut feeling…. as soon as I can figure out what that is.
Keep you all posted for the aftermath!
Post # 14
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
I agree with the PPs that think you should tell her. Make sure that you stress that it’s not that you don’t want her to bring a +1, but just this guy. You might risk offending her if she really likes him, but if he’s that much of a mooch, he might’ve offered to be her +1 just to get at your open bar, and if she didn’t have anyone else to bring…
I do think that you should offer to tell him he’s not invited, rather than putting that awkward moment on her. It sounds like she probably didn’t know that you felt this way about the guy.
(Also, I don’t think you’re obligated to invite people you don’t know very well just because you’ve talked about your wedding with them.)
Post # 15
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
@Elvis: Thank you! I guess I am just trying to be hospitable but to the cost of my own happiness. I know that others believe that I should suck it up and I won’t see him all that often, but I am a bit obsessive! I just know it would bother me to create a familiar relationshop with him. I would hate to be out in public in our tiny town and have him say to me “Hey, what about your wedding……” I just don’t want that kind of relationship with him, nor would I care to be associated with him. You know, birds of a feather……
So, I am biting the bullet and just coming out with it. If she thinks I’m mean or crass, well then she doesn’t have to come either. No sweat of my back!