(Closed) Am I going to offend my FSIL?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

NOPE! Its your wedding and your wedding party…you choose who you want. Maybe you can include her in the planning or bridal shower or such parties some how…but if you dont want to have her in your wedding party I dont see the need to have her in it. The bridal party on your side consists of people you are close with. I have two sisters…and my only sisters I have…that I didnt ask to be in my wedding party…and it doesnt bother me or them. We arent that close and my older sister actually went to Vegas to get married and i couldnt go…now shes divorced I guess it doesnt matter! But if you dont want her in it…then you dont have to.

Post # 4
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It’s your party, do what you want!!!! You do not have to ask her. The fact that you’re debating it in the frist place tells me that you shouldn’t!!! I didn’t ask mine…why is she suddenly more important than my friends anyways? That’s how I see it. My friends are more important–they’ve been there for me and they deserve to be there with me!

Post # 5
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Just so you know … the Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t always have to walk with someone … she can walk alone. I’ve seen it before

Post # 6
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

i totally understand the comments that it is your wedding and you should do what you want, but also take into consideration that the bs in your life after the wedding is yours as well. is it really worth the resentment and bs not to include your Future Sister-In-Law in your wedding party? if your Fiance only has one sibling – his sister – than i think you should invite her.  she will probably feel left out if she isn’t in the Bridal Party and really, do you want to hurt her like that? (even if she is a pain in the a$$).

in my situation i have my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, my SIL (my brother’s wife) and my 2 FSILs as my bridesmaids (one is my FI’s sister and the other is my FBIL’s wife). we have only family in our wedding party and no friends.  we are sort of fortunate that we each have two siblings – a brother and sister each – and that they are all married.  that way by having all of our siblings and their spouses in our Bridal Party we have it covered.

Post # 7
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s okay not to make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Can you have her do a reading, or some other role, so that she still feels included in some way?  Definitely don’t give her a random pity job like the guestbook, unless you know for sure that won’t offend her. 😛 

 

Post # 8
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yes, she will probably be offended because you described her as the high maintence type BUT guess what? It’s your wedding. You shouldn’t have to give an explanation or add another person to your wedding party. I agree with the poster above who said that you may want to include her in another way though

Post # 9
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Just my two cents, so take it for what its worth, but I think you should consider asking her.  Here’s why I feel this way.  About 3 years ago, my FH’s brother got married.  At the time, I wasn’t close to his fiancee.  In fact, I didn’t think we had much in common at all.  I wasn’t expecting to be part of her bridal party, and wouldn’t have been disappointed if she didn’t ask me,  but she did and I really (to my own surprise) felt honored.  It made me feel even more a part of the family than I already did and it ended up bringing us closer and now, she will be in my wedding.  I’m not saying you have to have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but just to consider that she will be your family now and you will be sharing so much together and it might actually help you develop a relationship with her.  Again, just my perspective having been in a similar situation.  Good Luck! 

Post # 10
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Wait, is this Future Sister-In-Law your FI’s brother’s wife or your FI’s sister? If it’s the brother’s wife and Fiance isn’t eager to include her, I don’t think you should feel obligated to have her in your party. If it’s your FI’s sister and he’d kind like to have her in the bridal party, I’d do it, even if it means being uneven. Everyone talks about the BMs being the women who you’re close to but I think the entire bridal party is standing up with the couple, not just the women standing up for the bride and the men standing up for the groom. Maybe the bride’s family will take priority over the groom’s for bridesmaids, but if Fiance has a sister he’s close to and you don’t want to go "untraditional" by having a woman standing on his side, I think you should have the sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. You may not be close to her, but he is, and the bridal party is standing in support of the bride and groom as a couple and not as individuals.

Post # 11
Member
2404 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i’m also dealing with this same decision (posted under "bridesmaids")… i feel guilty not having my FI’s ONLY sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. these responses are making me think twice that i may change my mind.

@loveatfirstsight makes a good point that the bridal party is supporting the couple. awhh..not sure what to do on this one either.

Post # 13
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

it sounds to me like you shouldn’t ask her… i think having her close would make you uncomfortable. there may be some resentment about it from her, but my experience is that sensitive, high-maintenance people are going to find something to have drama about no matter what. just b/c she’s in the wedding party doesn’t mean she’s going to be pacified and well-behaved, and it doesn’t mean that she won’t find something else to have ill-will about.

i do think you should ask her to be a reader, and say something like "we really wish we could have included you in the wedding party, but we were trying to keep it very small and had to make some hard choices." don’t explain too much, or she may start second-guessing you.

Post # 14
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

Wedding party choices are so hard! You always worry about offending people who were ‘expecting’ to be in it. I think you are ok because it is so small, but that is just me. If you had 6 or 7 BMs and she was not one, well, that’s a little different – but with such an intimate group it seems more understandable that you would only have your very best friends.

Post # 15
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Your wedding party should always consist of those closest to you! Always. Never feel obligated to make someone a bridesmaid/groomsman, just so they don’t feel left out. That’s not how a wedding party should be selected.

There are so many other ways to get them more involved in your big day. Guest book attendant, help receive gifts, pass out programs, etc.

Post # 16
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think there is nothing wrong with the bridal party choices you have made at all. You don’t have to include her on any other roles at all if you don’t want to either. 

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