Plenty of people are going to suggest therapy, and I won’t contradict that. I will say, however, that it’s not a cure-all and that the therapist can only do so much. As with anything else worth having in life, most of the work has to come from you.
I also recommend that you look into coaching. Watch a bunch of dating and relationship coaches’ videos on YouTube and find one that resonates with you. Coaching is very practical and focused, and it can be really effective if you are struggling with relationships and running into dead-ends. So often we are doing things that don’t work and we don’t realise it (that certainly was the case with me), and this can be frustrating if we keep getting the same results. I found coaching to be really extremely helpful in this area and for showing me where I needed to concentrate my efforts.
For example, if you have poor boundaries and accept shitty behaviour (like annabananabee says), you may not realise it or how to do things differently.
A few things that jumped out at me about your post specifically:
* Don’t compare your own situation with your friends’. You have no idea what their relationship is really like, and drowning in self-pity and the apparent “unfairness” of it all is truly a waste of energy. Your path is different from hers, so just keep your eyes focused on your own goals, and don’t worry about what other people are doing.
* In terms of the relationships that you ended, you are choosing to dwell on aspects that make you feel poorly about yourself (“he didn’t even bother to fight for our relationship or beg for another chance”) rather than those that are affirming: “I had the strength to end something that was no longer working and good for both of us or meeting my needs. Not everyone has the courage to do that. Now I am freed up to find someone who is a better fit.”
This is a misery of your own making.
Focusing on and taking care of yourself is not a booby prize – it is an opportunity and a privilege. Believe it or not, many people in unhappy relationships would love to have this chance. See the joy in it, make the most of it. Get out there and do things that make you feel good.
* “I have never asked men fro any materials things, crazy committments, no drama, no lingering exes etc. I have a stable job, financially okay, lowkey personality no addictions etc.”
Unfortunately none of this is a guarantee of love. That’s just not how love works. These things are great, but love is a much deeper emotion, and you can’t sell yourself as if you were a second-hand car dealer.
Keep the faith, and keep going. There are so many people in this world, and you’ll find one that’s right for you. Sending you love & luck.