- 3 months ago
- Wedding: August 2017
I have been with my FI for 5 and a half years in total and we have been engaged for just over 1 year and we don’t have a wedding date set yet. I am starting to have doubts about our relationship and whether we should be getting married to each other.
We started dating when I was 21; I am now 27 and feel like a very different person to what I was when we started dating. There’s a couple of characteristics about him that I have never really liked, but I don’t believe in trying to change someone so I always thought I just had to deal with the bad if I wanted to be with him. I have always believed that when you marry someone, you need to be able to tolerate their worst characteristics and I thought I could. However, as I am getting older, I am wondering if I can actually go through with this.
I am starting to wonder if I will be better off or more fulfilled single. I have no problem being on my own and don’t fear it at all. He goes away for work for a week at a time every 3 months or so, and I find that I do not miss him at all while he is away. I quite enjoy the time I get to myself. I am not sure if that is a sign or normal? A part of me also wonders if I settled and if there is someone more suited to me out there, especially given the fact that we started dating when I was 21.
Things that are making me doubt our relationship – he is quite lazy, I have been trying to lead a healthier lifestyle by eating better and going for walks. I have never forced him to do the same, but I thought I might be able to set an example and he would try do the same but that has not happened, he is not interested in being healthier or more active.
I am not attracted to him anymore. He is overweight and has been since we met, but overtime that has lead my attraction to disappear and I am not really interested in having sex with him anymore. This sounds very shallow, but it is what it is and it is a big problem for me as I don’t know how to get that initial attraction back and I believe it is an important part of a marriage.
I am the one who always motivates him in our relationship, he is not a naturally motivated person. This bothers me because sometimes I also need someone to pick me up, but I cannot rely on him to do that, I am always pushing for a better life for us and I feel we should both be doing that.
Despite the things I don’t like, he has so many qualities that I love. He is very caring, he always puts me first, he is incredibly well mannered. My family gets along with him very well. He treats me VERY well; I often get surprise flowers delivered to my work and presents waiting for me at home, we have the same thoughts and ideas on how we would raise kids and I know he would be a fantastic father. Overall, we have a good relationship, we don’t fight often, there is no bickering over stupid things and we can quite easily continue on as we currently do, but I don’t know if that is fair to either of us given the way I am feeling.
He is truly my best friend and I love him dearly. A great friendship is key to a great marriage, but I also believe you need more than that in a marriage.
At the end of the day, I am unsure whether the way I am feeling is normal after being together for so long? Or is it not normal? Am I having legitimate doubts or is it just cold feet now that we are engaged? I am also scared that I am going to give up something good, thinking there is something better but maybe there is not. I am just super confused right now. Any bees with advice or who have been in a similar situation?