am I in relationship ?

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

I think you’re his hookup buddy / fun travel girl for when you’re on the same continent.  But that’s just based on what you’ve shared.

 

If you want to know, you need to point blank ask him. But since it’s been 2 years and you’ve made no permanent relationship plans like relocating, or having a serious discussion about the future, be prepared to be disappointed. You need to ask him specific questions: Do you consider me to be your one & only exclusive girlfriend? Have you seen any other women since we met? Would you move her for me? If so,  by when? How do you see our figure relationship?  

 

You’re 33. Time to stop dicking around if you do want a serious committed relationship headed towards marriage & a family.

Post # 32
Member
960 posts
Busy bee

catchme :  how about being direct about it? E.g. “So… Are we seeing each other exclusively now? As in, you my boyfriend and me your girlfriend, going steady long-term relationship with potential marriage down the road?” That depends on what you are looking for too.

Post # 33
Member
4826 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Next time you talk to him let him know you are thinking of dating, looking for a serious relationship/marriage. See what he says.

Post # 34
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

He is the only person who can answer your question. I know you’re afraid to be disappointed, but it’s better to be sure than to be confused and heartbroken later…

Post # 35
Member
1943 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

catchme :  You asked him where it was going, and he said he’s not looking for something serious. You have your answer, straight from him. He enjoys your companionship when it’s convenient. That’s it. Holding hands doesn’t indicate seriousness, and neither does introducing you to his mom halfheartedly when he’s face timing her and you’re there. 

Post # 36
Member
10693 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

elodie2019 :  

I agree with all of this, except the specific language about how OP will step back and evaluate whether she will continue the whateverthehellitis or not.

It seems that this would be inviting him to lie, just to keep a good thing going. And he’s basically backed into a corner either tell me what you want to hear or no more fun and games.

Telling him what she wants is spot in.  I would just leave it at that.

Post # 37
Member
2572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

It shouldn’t be this complicated. 

You should be with someone who makes it a point to never leave you confused about their feelings and intentions towards them. 

This is coming from someone who should know. I “dated” a guy for 2 1/2 years. It was long distance similar to your situation. We would plan trips. I would see him when he was back in our hometown. I hung out with his family and friends. I was basically a convenience when he was lonely or back home. He didn’t want a girlfriend but I was 19 and stupid. So so figured when he got out of the military (that’s why he was out of town) he would want to be with me. He was about to get out and I asked him where our  relationship stood. He said he “didn’t want to be locked down.” I never texted him back. Never hung out with him again. Less than 3 months later I met my husband. He asked me to be his official girlfriend after a week or two of dating. We started seriously talking long term/marriage at 3 months. Got engaged after 2.5 years of dating. Married a year later. 

My point is that you should go after what you want. Life is too short to waste it wondering if the person you’re with cares about you as much as you care about them. 

Post # 38
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Agreed, I was meaning that part after he had already answered and told her what he wants. Then she can gracefully exit the conversation. sassy411 :  

Post # 40
Member
2823 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

catchme :  just do it today,  why prolong the agony? It’s been *years* of your life waiting on this guy, stopping you from seeking out others, rip the bandaid off already…

Post # 41
Member
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

catchme :  Ask him. Because if he’s just hanging out with you and is not interested in the future that you want why would you continue to make plans with him? 

Post # 42
Member
4826 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

mrstodd2bee :  exactly. Don’t waste 5 more years on a friend with benefits. 

Post # 43
Member
270 posts
Helper bee

Please have the talk now and do not wait until that trip. Since he asked about a potential good trip, it’s a great opportunity to bring up that you want clarity on where your relationship is headed. I would much prefer to know now than waste my time , energy and money on a trip to Wisconsin with a guy who may not be serious about me. I would rather have all the info to decide if I want to go or not. 

On top of that, I can’t omagine being on any sort of trip with a person and have the chance of getting hurt/rejected about our relationship. If the conversation doesn’t go the way you plan, you’d be stuck in Wisconsin. I suspect more likely it would end up as an excuse to put the talk off again. Just please do it now! 

Post # 44
Member
12125 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Trust me, he remembers telling you he’s not looking for anything serious. That’s why he was so excited when you called him back. He gets everything he wants when you happen to be around or can make time to get away. He’d be making every effort to set the record straight otherwise. 

I think he likes you a lot, but on his terms.

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