(Closed) Am I in the minority here?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hmm…well, you came to a wedding website, so be sure to figure that in! I haven’t been on the waiting boards for awhile, but I always knew that I wanted to get married. I thought it would be a few years down the road, but when you find a keeper, it’s time.

Post # 4
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

I’m from the South as well, and while my life has been filled with doing things backwards, I’m with you in believing that getting married is important to me. For those that it’s not, more power to them. To each his or her own.

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

There have been a few articles recently on the decline of marriage in the american population. As well as marriage rates in different socio-economic groups and individuals of different education levels.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/12/06/marriage.trouble.report/index.html?iref=allsearch

http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/11/22/coontz.marriage.pew/index.html?iref=allsearch

Key findings of “The state of our unions” 2010:

http://stateofourunions.org/2010/si-marriage.php

 

Post # 6
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Also from the South.  Also thought I’d meet my husband in college or shortly after.  I met my husband online when I was 30.  We got engaged after dating a year and got married a year later. 

For me, marriage is important, and I hoped that when I met the right guy we’d get married.  And we did.  But I would not have gotten married if he wasn’t the right guy.  But I realize that things don’t happen like that for everyone.  And many people choose a different path and that is okay.  But marriage has always been something I’ve wanted in my life.  That being said, I was never willing to compromise to get married. 

Does this answer your question?

Post # 8
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I see nothing wrong with wanting to get married. My parents have been together for over 25 years; a happy marriage is something that I have always wanted and admired. When I say enjoy the time that you two have together, in my mind, you both KNOW that marriage or a proposal is on the horizon.

If you take this as, just wait till your time comes around, than you don’t KNOW a proposal is coming and you and your SO need to get on the same page. I have seen many posts about people having timelines and after this date they are leaving. Why wait till that date if you don’t KNOW for sure he is going to propose? I always knew he was going to propose, so I just waited. If marriage is something you want how long are you willing to wait for it?

Post # 9
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@msnelson13: I went to school in the south (originally from CA, now living in NYC) and I don’t think you are off base at all.

I think the purpose of a lot of those comments is basically to tell you to try and enjoy the now, stop obsessing over marriage, because your SO can TELL even if you aren’t saying anything. The more you obsess/focus on marriage in front of your bf, the less he will feel like he can surprise you with a proposal.

Also, he wants to marry the happy go lucky you he fell in love with, not the marriage obsessed person he sees now (not at all saying that is YOU just saying that being marriage focused might slow down a proposal).

6 months before my Fiance proposed, he told me I had to stop talking about marriage all the time. Not because he didn’t want to marry me, but because he wanted to have the opportunity to surprise me. And if we were always talking about it, there wouldn’t be the surprise factor.

Post # 10
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

I think a big part of it has to do with your upbringing.  Personally, getting married is a very important goal in my life. 

I was talking to my sister and she said she doesn’t see why I’m so anxious that I should be happy as long as we have a good relationship. She’s indifferent about marriage and thinks as long as yall get along and are happy then that should be enough.  Our parents divorced when she was just a baby, and she also had to go through our mom’s second divorce.  So she’s basically been raised by a single parent. I grew up seeing my mom care for my father and she saw my mom being a man-basher lol.  I think that’s why we have such drastic views of marriage. 

Anyways, I do agree with you that in the South, you are expected to get married and have kids.  For most people, it’s tradition!

Post # 11
Member
797 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Southern here too.  I live with my bf as well, and want to be married someday.  I would think that since you’re on a wedding site, people here want to get married.

I am confused though, isn’t EHarmony a site for people who want to find “The One” and wouldn’t that imply getting married to them at some point??  If your bf wasn’t ready to get married, I’m wondering why he was using EHarmony in the first place. 

Post # 12
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I definitely wanted marriage.  I’m from NC and so is my Fiance and everything seemed backwards for so long for us.  We lived toghether before getting engaged, we almost bought a house together before getting engaged.  I think the feeling that some women on the boards are like ‘you don’t really need marriage’ is a minority.  It just shines through all the other comments when someone has that perspective.

Post # 13
Member
797 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

OOh I should add that my parents have a wonderful marriage, going on 30 years now!!  Seeing them so happy and “clicking” together makes it so great knowing that I have a simliar relationship with my bf and we just need to tie the knot!

Post # 14
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I live in the midwest and it’s really about the same–I have to say, I have met more desperate women in the midwest who NEEDED to be married and ended up settling or have commented that they would feel like something is wrong with them if they weren’t married by 25….or engaged straight out of college. Now, i think that’s pretty messed up because I’ve always firmly believed nobody should need a man to be happy…having someone in your life just adds to it, and it’ll happen when it happens. Forcing it is never good.

But i do have traditional views on marriage and children and I don’t have any friends that feel otherwise. Nobody I know is TTC before they are married or not being extra careful in regards to their birth control.  I guess celebrities aren’t as worried because, well, they can certainly afford to make those mistakes. Babies aren’t quite the same financial burden on them as they are for most of society! Plus i think a lot of them get off on scandal in general–just read a tabloid magazine!

But when I think most people say “just enjoy your relationship”, they’re often speaking to a typically younger group of women…there IS something to be said in enjoying what you have for the time being. Some women are so focused on the engagement/getting married they miss how TRULY satisfied they are in their relationship. Getting married was defnitely something I wanted in life, but I wasn’t willing to sacrifice me, my education, my goals/dreams, etc. I haven’t seen any women on this board choosing to remain unmarried for the sole purpose that they don’t ‘need’ marriage, though.

Post # 15
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@msnelson13:  I don’t think you’re in the minority at all.  I think most women want marriage and I personally wouldn’t want to have children without benefit of marriage. 

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