(Closed) Am I in the wrong?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It doesn’t sound like you’re in the wrong at all! If you have other options I would definitely think of moving out. 

Post # 3
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Move out. Squirrel away some money for a security deposit. This situation is not healthy for you- financially and healthwise with the ciggerette smoke. By enabling this behavior you are setting a precident where you will be counted on to support everyone AND do the housework. 

Not worth it.

Post # 4
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Doesn’t sound like it! There’s no reason for you to be providing cigarettes for your Future Mother-In-Law. If your agreement with her is simply to pay rent to live there, then you’ve already gone above and beyond by buying groceries and keeping up the house. The only issue I see here is why your fiancé would expect you to buy things like cigarettes and give extra money to his mom, and why would you have to lie about having the money in the first place? You should be able to tell him at the very least that you have some money leftover but feel that you’ve already contributed enough, IMO. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Why is it wrong to keep the money you earned?

Post # 7
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee

WTF. This is not normal. You are an adult, why are you living with his mom? Why doesn’t your Fiance get a job?

Post # 8
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I can’t quite work out if you’re hiding the fact you have the spare money from your partner or telling him you won’t be spending it on his mother. I don’t think you should be hiding it, I think by saying there is no money, is a variant of hiding it. However, I think it is completely appropriate to say “I have $180 left each month after our rent, I will not give that money to your mother to buy cigarettes” and then start using this as an opportunity to explore where you both will set the boundaries with his mother. After you move out, will she still be asking? Probably. Will he still feel guilted into giving it her? Probably. Will that piss you off? Probably. So you need to have a conversation about how much to give, if you give, and in what circumstances it’s ok to give. It’ll probably be an ongoing conversation with some compromise on both sides.

Post # 9
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

katelynkapowski :  you’re not in the wrong at all! I think it’s appropriate to contribute to bills and housework if you’re living there, but it sounds like you’re the only one contributing to bills and housework. Is there a reason she can’t work, or a reason they aren’t paying their own bills and groceries with her husbands truck driving paycheck? Anyway, you have no obligation to pay for her cigarettes or take her on vacation! And I would definitely move out ASAP if that’s an option. that situation is financially draining you and honestly I’d be worried about the potential strain it’s going to have your relationship with your fiancé. It’s already causing you to lie to him about money (which is an understandable lie but still you shouldn’t be in a situation where you few like that’s necessary)

Post # 10
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It sounds like you are a nice, responsible, hard working person and are being taken advantage of. It is one thing to be kind and help those who help themselves but quite another to assume responsibility for everyone. If you do it, that becomes the norm and is expected. That sounds like the situation you are in. Don’t allow it and move out ASAP. 

Post # 11
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Move out. You can do so much better on your own

Post # 12
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: LA Athletic Club

Maybe try moving back in with your parents (if possible) so you can save money. You’re young and I know you want to get married but if you both aren’t financial stable you should wait. You shouldn’t be enabling by buying cigarettes for your fiancés mother either. Maybe live separately until he can find a job and is more financial responsible. Also. Spending money on yourself isn’t selfish at all. 

Post # 13
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why are you with someone that wants you to support his mother (and her other children)? The fact that you feel the need to hide money from him so his pack of vultures he calls a family won’t be all over it…tells me you have a bigger problem than just his mother.

Youve been told by many others before…move out.

Post # 14
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

katelynkapowski :  

Quite honestly, I think you should move out, and move on! What kind of man let’s you support his mom’s smoking habit!??! I think you can do better!

Post # 15
Member
4815 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

katelynkapowski :   Are you buying food for everyone?   Why on earth is it wrong to save the money you have earned?   

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