Post # 1
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
So FI and I are fighting.
He mentioned a get together at a local bar a couple weeks ago for an ex-co workers that’s turning 50. We are 25. We both agreed we wouldn’t go since we were the only “young people” invited and it would be awkward. We don’t know many other people invited.
Today, FI says we are going. I told him… well, you can go but I don’t plan on going. We agreed we weren’t and I don’t have much of a desire to go due to the awkwardness of it.
He didn’t say much but I noticed tension thereafter. Slamming things, he shoved my cat off a table, he got something on his gloves and had a mild temper tantrum. We were supposed to be heading out to go back to the spot he proposed.
I told him to please calm down, I don’t want to have bad memories at this spot. He proceeded to pretty much berate me, saying he goes to things I want to go to and he thinks it’s shitty I won’t go tonight. He then said “I don’t even want to go!” He explains he feels he should make a presence. Now, he hasn’t seen this guy in over 5 years, they don’t talk ever, and he pretty much got invited because he was still a contact in the guys phone and his gf texted everyone.
So anyways, he’s all pissed off and goes “Are you coming to *proposalspot* or not? I said, I don’t have any desire to hang out with you while you are like this. He says “well thanks for ruining the day”, slams the door and leaves.
Side note: I have TMJ and my jaw is half locked at the moment which is stressful enough, I’m on a liquid diet and trying to stay relaxed…
Post # 3
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
If I was your fiancé I would probably be a little bit mad too. 50th birthdays aren’t just any old get together, they’re a pretty big deal, and it wouldn’t kill you to go along for an hour or two, make polite small talk and then leave. I think the fact that you were so adamant about not going, especially if your FI goes to things for you (as indicated in your post) is kind of not fair to him.
i don’t know what TMJ is so for my answer, that doesn’t factor in to it.
Post # 4
Hostess
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Unless this is a common thing, it sounds like he was just frustrated and taking it out on you (and the cat.) He may not have wanted to go but felt like he had to and wanted you to share the awkwardness. It doesn’t sound like he expressed that well. Hopefully when he comes home he will be calm and apologize.
Post # 5
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
@Bearimbolo: I guess I just have a hard time seeing it as a “pretty big deal” since he does not talk to this guy and hasn’t in a long time. And in my family, birthdays AREN’T a big deal. So maybe thats why I’m struggling? I don’t know. I still feel like the way he expresses himself is way wrong and over the top.
Post # 6
Member
1795 posts
Buzzing bee
Even if you are the only ‘young’ people at the party it shouldn’t be too difficult to make conversation for a couple of hours and make an appearance – especially if he does things and goes places for you. Perhaps he says he doesn’t really want to go, but his actions, say otherwise.
As to his behavior, I’d not be thrilled with anyone who pushes an animal around out of anger. That actually might bother me more than anything else you said.
Post # 7
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
@AlwaysSunny:
@fascinated: I guess I would have been more open and willing had he not acted the way he did. I’m kind of disgusted at the way he expressed it.
Post # 8
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
Part of being married (and an adult for that matter) is that sometimes you have to do things/go places that you don’t particularly want to. Saying it will be awkward is a shitty excuse, and i would have been irritated too.
Post # 9
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
@AlwaysSunny: He’s home and he’s far from calm. Slamming things around.
Post # 10
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
@sara_tiara: Uhh… in my post, I did say HE did not want to go when it was brought up 2 weeks ago due to awkwardness as well… I don’t know how it’s a “shitty excuse” when we both agreed about it prior.
Post # 11
Member
1608 posts
Bumble bee
Sounds like he’s frustrated about something else, or just in a crappy mood. To be honest, I don’t see the issue with going to the party even though you’re “young.” Most of our best friends are 15-25 years older than us (and we met most of them when we were in our early 20s, while they were in their late 30s-early 50s.) It’s only an issue if you act immature or make it an issue.
Give him some space. Its just a little tiff, one of probably many you will have. Go run some errands and leave him alone for a while, I’m sure it’ll be fine.
Post # 12
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
I’m kind of surprised no one is picking up that we AGREED to NOT go two weeks ago and then today, the DAY OF, he decides we ARE going.
I don’t enjoy being told that I HAVE to do anything, nevermind when it was already agreed on that we were not. It’s one thing to discuss and make a decision but one party does not get the full say in my book.
Not to mention his behavior…
Post # 13
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
@Jw1724: because obviously he changed his mind and decided the right thing to do is to make an appearance. You don’t have to be thrilled about it, but as a supportive partner you could go, have a drink, and move on with your night.
He said he goes to things he doesn’t want to for you, and wants the same support from you. Maybe he didn’t express it in the best way, but those are still valid feelings.
Post # 14
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
@sara_tiara: This would be fine but isn’t true.
We cancel going to things with my friends pretty frequently because he decides he doesn’t want to drive to them (my friends are all 40 mins away, his are only 20). So I have a hard time with him using that against me AT ALL. We ONLY see his friends. Last time I saw my best friend was 6+ months ago.
Post # 15
Member
1795 posts
Buzzing bee
Even if you agreed not to go, he’s changed his mind. I’d bet there are times you’ve changed your mind about something too. He could have talked with you sooner, and that would have been nice. but didn’t.
Going to a bar for a drink, especially if there are lots of people around, shouldn’t be that awkward.
This just sounds like it’s turning into a power struggle over what should be a nothing issue. What else is prompting each of you to dig in your heels?
Post # 16
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
@fascinated: I can’t drink.
His behavior is honestly my biggest block right now. I don’t agree with rewarding shitty tension-building violent behavior.
I also have some pretty mighty social anxiety when it comes to meeting people (but that, I can get over).
