Post # 1
Today, I wanted to take my bridesmaids to go see the movie, Bridesmaids (yeah, cheesey, I know) so I texted my Maid/Matron of Honor who’s in grad school and she told me she has a lot of assignments she needed to work on today, so obviously she said she couldn’t go. I was okay with it but I was still going to take the rest of my bridesmaids (my sisters) to see it.
So she calls me in tears later on saying how they had a surprise bachelorette party that was suppose to happen today after the movie (at 9pm) and how she called my sisters to see if we could move it to tomorrow…well this is a week before my wedding and we are doing wedding related things every day this week (and my car has major issues so I will need to buy a new one tomorrow), so my week is jam packed with stuff to get done…my sisters told her we were going to go ahead and have it tonight because they would rather have one than not have any time this week to throw me a party…I didn’t have a bridal shower either.
Back to the phone conversation with my Maid/Matron of Honor, she tells me how I left her out of bridesmaid shoe shopping (no one else was with me when I went browsing the sales), and how my sisters and I looked for bridesmaid dresses without her, when actually they live in another state but were visiting for a few days–we were already out all together so we looked at one store and didn’t find anything. The week after that my Maid/Matron of Honor and I went out for an entire day to look together.
I am not intentionally leaving her out but everytime I ask her to come out she is either with her boyfriend, boyfriends family or working on assignments for school. I feel completely selfish to flat out say “hey, I’m only getting married once and if you can’t make it to this then I can’t really help you out”…I could understand if we had more time but there is only 6 days left! Mean while, my sisters are upset that she spoiled the surprise bachelorette party…
Am I crazy? Wrong? How would you guys handle this?
Post # 3
I don’t think you’re wrong. I also don’t think she is. As a very recent graduate, I get her dilemma BUT – she has to learn to live with the fact that your whole wedding doesn’t revolve around her schedule either.
I don’t feel like you intentionally left her out of anything, you invited her and she had other things to get done. That’s sort of on her. The invitation was extended. Maybe she is just stressed and feels like she can’t be involved because of school and it came out as her blaming you…when really, this isn’t your fault.
It’s kind of sucky, but she needs to realize that she said no. For a good reason (school) yes, but it doesn’t mean you or your sisters should have to change anything. I’d handle it by simply stating that while it sucks that she can’t be involved as much, her priorities are just different at the time being and it’s not something you can change. You can’t go out of your way for her when you also have a lot going on.
Post # 4
I don’t think you’re wrong and I don’t think she is either. She was probably really excited to do Maid/Matron of Honor things and had plans to do certain things and then ran out of time. You and your sisters can’t always work around her schedule though. I think if you assure her that you love her and that you love that she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor it will be at least a little better. I also think she’ll feel better with the wedding things coming up this weekend obviously the wedding! Good luck with everything!
Post # 5
I agree with the other bee’s, I think it’s just bad timing. She should have never told you about your party tonight, thought. I feel that was wrong. I also feel that you are doing the best that you can. Try to enjoy your day and night — you deserve it!
Post # 6
on the plus side, it is wonderful that she WANTS to be so involved- i read so much on here about bridesmaids who could care less.
Post # 7
Thank you guys!! It helped me so much to vent and see things a little more clearly with your responses, I included what a few of you said in my response to her and it smoothed things out a lot too 🙂