(Closed) Am I in the wrong? Regular Bee going anon with a "sex" dilemma. :/

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 76
1457 posts
Bumble bee

goinganon86:  Have y’all looked into going to a sex therapist? I think your concerns are completely valid, and maybe hearing some of these things confirmed by an objective third party would help your husband understand what he needs to be doing for you

Post # 77
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Runnymede Hotel

tiffanybruiser:  x100000 yes!

I don’t usually get off on PIV sex either, so my husband takes care of me (usually oral) BEFORE sex. It honestly makes everything so much better! I agree that if he did it afterwards it would feel too ‘dutiful’ which would only turn me off.

Post # 78
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I’m sorry but in instances like this I feel if the man cheats it’s the ladies fault. He’s expressed to you what he needs to feel desired in the relationship, and as his wife you should want to do the little things that’ll make him happy. Put on the corset , surprise him with a night of fun, and he’ll be a happy camper. Wouldn’t you rather you take care of his needs instead of some random whore waiting in the background?My dh has employees that are just waiting for me/him to slip so they can move on in….  Most men do, don’t make it easy for them.

Post # 79
480 posts
Helper bee

I’ve not read through the six pages of feedback, so I apologize if anything I say is redundant. First of all, you are neither right nor wrong. While your husband wants you to want sex more, it sounds like he needs to be educated in helping you produce this want. If he doesn’t know all of your erogenous zones, it may be time for some show and tell. It’s a two way street, after all. Lengthening the time of foreplay may also help you reach a level of arousal that will make intimacy as fulfilling for you as it is for him. About the “slutty corsets” and however else he would like to see you attired . . . Men are visually stimulated more so and differently than women. That’s the main reason “Playgirl’ bombed if my remembrance is correct. I would say that dressing in a sexually enticing way to fulfill his fantasy is not harmful. It does not cheapen your relationship. In the instances that he insists on having sex, and none of the above is going to change how you feel, there are other ways to get him off (BJs and HJs for starters). If the fighting continues, and you find that neither of you can reach some sort of compromise, perhaps it’s time to consider consulting a sex therapist. I wish you well.

Post # 80
461 posts
Helper bee

Some of these replies are terrible – if you don’t do what he wants he’ll cheat? If he’s gonna cheat, he’ll cheat no matter the amount of sex he gets from you.

I’m probably in the minority here but if my Fiance asked me to wear something for him that I used to wear for clubbing back in the day and I really didn’t want to, I’d say no. I’m not going to make myself feel like a dickhead to satisfy someone else. 

I agree that compromising is a good thing but there’s only so much you can do. Don’t FORCE yourself to do things you aren’t comfortable with to please someone else, you’ll only make yourself miserable. And as you said, you’re already starting to resent it.

Post # 81
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

goinganon86 :  I think it’s important that you listen to him. You don’t have to be going all out every weekend but would it hurt to surprise him with something. I bet it would mean so much to him. You might actually have fun. My dh likes to mix it up a lot. We have gone threw different sexual fazes over the years and I’ve enjoyed it. You are still you even if you’re dressed up. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you for you. He is just opening up to you about something that he enjoys and needs intimately. 

Post # 83
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

goinganon86 :  for me like you I have a lower sex drive like once every other week, he would like it twice a week. We don’t have a pattern. Some weeks more so less some none. 

However I have a dress up draw. Its good because once you put on the outfit, you feel more sexual and can in your mind play a sexy charictor. 

Try it and see 

The topic ‘Am I in the wrong? Regular Bee going anon with a "sex" dilemma. :/’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors