(Closed) Am I insensitive?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@tiffanyscanlan:  I think unless youve had a sibling who has constantly disappointed you when youve wanted nothing more than to look up to them and be close to them it is an extremelly hard feeling to understand. I have been there and I get it. I think you care if your sister lives or dies even if it doesnt seem that way but may be over her bullsh**. I get this and I have been there and you are not being insensitive. It is emotionally exhausting and sometimes you have to cut off your emotions and feelings for that person in order to be happy and not feel miserable over their manipulations and life choices all of the time. Give yourself a break for feeling this way! 

Post # 4
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@tiffanyscanlan:  Yup. Your sister has serious mental health issues that are putting her life at risk, and you don’t care about it because you had a fight? That’s cold. 

Post # 6
4371 posts
Honey bee

I don’t think so. It’s ok to cut toxic people who only hurt you from your life, even if they’re family members.

Post # 7
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’d have to know all the details (Such as her history of such actions, etc.) because I’m in a similar spot. Without being too specific, my SIL was recently injured in an accident and my husband and I are rather indifferent. We’re glad that she isn’t dead but the whole accident has us feeling rather neutral only because of her past history of “injury and health drama incidents.” All of which are her fault and she seeks zero help with.

So, while I think that people should care about the well being of their families, there comes a point and time where some family members are feeding off of this care and/or doing it for attention or simply don’t care enough themselves and are, what I like to think of as a “emotional sink hole.”

You can’t dump your emotions into someone who doesn’t care about themselves enough to get help, or are constantly siphoning off your sympathy. Those people need to be cut off eventually.


Post # 8
163 posts
Blushing bee

Yes, you are. 

Post # 9
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yes… and… No.  There is a difference between caring and being consumed.  You don’t have to be consumed, you can and should have your own life and protect yourself emotionally.  But to just not care doesn’t seem to be the solution.  All of this is predicated on not knowing the entire story so I’d take any opinion given with a measure of caution.  

Post # 10
2453 posts
Buzzing bee

@tiffanyscanlan:  well we dont know your relationship or what caused your falling out. Just going by the info in your post (sorry if there has been updates) but it seems that you are being a bit insensitive. That is your sister, and she obviously needs help. I would make an attempt to contact her or visit, if she doesnt want to see you then at least your tried to be the bigger person.

Post # 11
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

 Situations like this fall into my ” same shit, different day” catagory. 

But I am super jaded and work in crisis/ mental Health  so things like this are ” normal” to me. 

Im sure you care if she lives or dies,  but sometimes it’s best to disconnect…. Otherwise we would run screaming into the night from the vicarious trauma.

Post # 12
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@tiffanyscanlan:  I dont think I know enough background information to say. I will say that it has been pretty bad between my brother and I but I don’t think there is anything that would make me not care about his well being. honestly I think you DO care. Why would you be here posting about it if you didn’t?

Post # 13
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Hyperventilate:  +1

sometimes you cant fit into one singular post the level of toxicity that family puts you thru. So Iwon’t jugde without more info.

Post # 14
2291 posts
Buzzing bee

@tiffanyscanlan:  I don’t think you’re being insensitive, if what you’re saying is true. I think your reaction is reasonable considering your relationship with her and her behavior over the years. 

Hyperventilate summed up my thoughts on the issue perfectly. There comes a point with people who behave in certain ways when you have to disengage emotionally, financially, etc. 


Post # 15
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I personally don’t think you are being insensitive, I have a sister that I haven’t spoken to in almost 7 years, I don’t want to know where she is, or what drug she is now addicted to, or if she is in or out of jail/prison. She put my parents and my other siblings along with myself through some pretty rough stuff. And it was emotionally draining to always stop our lives to cater to her. And after a while it became to much to handle emotionally, we got into a huge fight, I quit talking to her, I stopped answering her middle of the night calls and stopped putting my life on hold for her. Some of my family members think I did the wrong thing by cutting her out completely but I knew what was best for me was to cut her out completely. And I did.  


Do what you have to do to keep your sanity. If cutting her out completely is what’s best for you then do that. But that’s just my opinion.

Post # 16
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012


I think… on some level, you do care. Not in the way that siblings generally do for each other, but more like… the same amount of concern you would have for a stranger you hear about on the news.

She has put herself outside of the circle of people that you feel the strongest emotions for… and that is okay. You are not a bad person for finally giving in and focusing on the people that you CAN help and who are most important to you.

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