- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
So I’m having a little anxiety about something and am hoping that someone can either calm me down or tell me how to best fix the situation.
I’m having two lovely ladies be a part of our wedding. BM#1 is a co-worker/friend who I met at the same job where I met my fiance. We’ve been friends for about 6 years now and she’s just been really great to both of us as we’ve gone through some rocky times over the past two years.
BM#2 is my oldest friend who I have known since kindergarten. We were close through high school (I’m now 33, so it’s been a while!), lost touch during college and reconnected in our mid-20’s. We rarely see one another and live about an hour away. We talk on the phone when we can. I was her Maid/Matron of Honor.
When I asked both to be in the wedding, I simply said “Will you be in my wedding?” They both replied yes. I hadn’t asked either to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.
I debated back and forth for a long time. In my heart, I knew I wanted BM#1 to be my Maid/Matron of Honor…but I felt guilty since I knew BM#2 would be offended and totally passive aggressive about it. In the end, I decided I needed to do what was right for me and asked BM#1 to be Maid/Matron of Honor. She graciously accepted.
BM#1 is type A planner like myself. She’s initiated contact with BM#2 to plan the parties and events (shower, BP). BM#2 has remarked a few times to me “Wow, BM#1 really likes planning! She seems to have lots of ideas.” and things of that nature. So I’m wondering if she might already know she’s NOT the Maid/Matron of Honor.
But last week, I sent out my Save-The-Date Cards which included a link to my wedding website, which includes a page listing out the bridal party with little pictures/bios.
I decided that if BM#2 was confused about who my Maid/Matron of Honor was, this would be a good way to tell her. She’s really awful to talk to about anything that might upset her. Once I told her that something she did hurt my feelings and she instantly clammed up and avoided me for a few weeks. I felt like there was just nothing good I could say to her to let her know she wasn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor, so this might be a good way to let her know and let her deal with it in private.
I guess my question is…did you tell your other gals that they weren’t the MOH? Was there any remote conflict for you? Am I a complete jerk for how I’ve handled this?
Ugh. I feel awful, but do truly believe that not saying anything was the best way to go.