Post # 1
Question ladies. I am in the process of making my invites and I was under the impression that when I address my invites to couples in serious relationships (married, engaged, ect) that I do not write them in as a guest but include both their names.
Am I wrong?
My fiance just got an invitiation in the mail for our friend’s wedding (fiance’s friends first) and it is addressed to him + guest.
I mean…I have a name right?
I’m a little hurt by this because I thought they liked me enough to invited me as well, but I feel like it only went to my fiance and “whoever he decides”.
Am I doing my invites wrong?
Post # 3
@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon: You’re not wrong….some bride’s aren’t as attentive to details as they should be with their inviations, which I feel is an eggregious error on their part…you get one chance to make a first impression and a lot of bride’s forget that its the invitation that does that….if I get a shottily made, sloppily addressed thrown together invitation, I find it hard to muster much enthusiasm for the event itself….but when I see a carefully crafted, not necessarily expensive invitation, well, I feel welcome already….
Have a shirt made that says, “GUEST” across it, give it to the bride as a gift…she’ll get the idea
Post # 4
@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon: First, you’re not doing your invites wrong – if you know the name of the person the primary guest will be bringing, it’s polite and very thoughtful to put that person’s name on the invitiation as well.
That being said, ettiquette dictates that whomever’s name is on the invitation is who is invited, with no exceptions. So, on the very off chance that a couple breaks up before the wedding (by no means am I saying you and your Fiance will AT ALL – promise ), the primary guest, if following the “rules”, cannot just decide they are going to bring someone else in the original date’s place. So I think that’s why some people leave the “and guest/and escort” rather than putting in a name.
I totally feel you though – one of my best friends got married last August and when I received the invitation it said “Tigergrrl2008 and Guest” even though I had already been engaged for eight months, had been dating my Fiance for 6+ years, and the bride in question had hung out with me and my Fiance multiple times before she even met her Darling Husband and then multiple times after they started dating/got engaged. At the end of the day, some people are just plain oblivious and/or rude. So smile and know that you are be considerate and thinking of others feelings, which is always an amazing thing and definitely will reflect on you in a positive light.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding!
Post # 5
I hate the idea of saying ‘and guest’ and even though we’ve decided to give all our non-family 18+’s a +1 (even if they’re currently single) I hate the idea of writing ‘and guest’.
You definitely should have been invited by name!
Post # 6
We invited everyone to our wedding by name. It’s definitely rude to just call you “and guest” — if they have assigned seating at the reception, will your placecard read “Mr. X’s +1” ??
Post # 7
@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon: You’re not wrong. However, before Weddingbee, I’m not sure I would have known that you’re not supposed to put “and guest”. I mean, we see posts all the time about guests saying “My husband can’t come, so can I bring Random Person in his place?” so clearly some people think they’re inviting Person A (who I know the best) and Guest (who will probably be his Fiance, but if she can’t come he can bring whoever!). I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Just do yours properly.
Post # 8
@tigergrrl2008: +1. If it was my wedding, I’d invite my friend and their partner would be their +1. If I addressed them both by name and they broke up, I’d potentially be stuck with both of them at my wedding.
I wouldn’t be fussed over a small detail like this – your Fiance got a +1 and the assumption is it’s for you.
Post # 9
@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon: like PP mentioned, probably just an oversight and not as in tune to details as you! But try to take offence, I’m sure you’re Fiance picks you as his +1
Post # 10
My invitation rule is married couples, engaged couples and long term relationship (1 year and/or living together) couples all get addressed by name. Newer relationships or singles are sent as Named Friend + Guest. But it’s easy for me, I’m sending out fewer than 75 invitations. Knowing now how much work goes into all of this, I’m a little more forgiving when someone’s sending out 200+ invitations.
Post # 11
@Nona99: I should also point out that this wedding is in New York and I am located in Florida. It seems quite a bit of a way for me to go if I am just a “guest”.
@tigergrrl2008: I think I would be a bit less forgiving if we weren’t engaged to be married and already have deposits down on our wedding stuff. Haha. The wedding is at the end of August…so it doesn’t give us alot of time to break up!
@MsGinkgo: I agree.
@MrsEdamame: I wondered about that too! Are they going to send a thank you note for our gift and address it to my Fiance and “guest”?
@MrsPanda99: I’m not quite fussed, but a bit meh and wondering if I should be doing my invitations the same. I actually feel it is rude to not put the name of their fiance under the assumption that they “might break up”. I’m sure a quick phonecall if that did happen would allow someone to replace the “guest”.
I guess at the end of the day, I felt a little rejected. I mean, they get married in August. I’m closer to the groom. I get married in March. How would it come across if I addressed to the groom and gave him a plus 1 for his wife? Lol.
Post # 12
This is one of the finer points of etiquette that many people don’t know. There’s a big difference between doing it graciously when it’s your turn and taking offense to something like this when no offense was intended. I realize I’m being hypocritical since I do think adding uninvited guests etc. IS very rude. Reading the names in an invitation just seems a lot more elementary I suppose.
Post # 13
I just told my fiance about it on the phone and he LAUGHED and said “Ahahaha You’re a Plus 1”.
Post # 14
@weddingmaven: If you are friends with the bride and groom, would you not assume that if you got an invitation only addressed to your fiance..it was on purpose?
Post # 15
@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon: I wouldn’t spend much time thinking about it. Maybe they addressed invitations that way to anyone and everyone who isn’t the other half of a married couple. Or maybe they didn’t know your last name or g address and were too lazy or embarrassed to ask. Of course it’s totally improper, and it lacks consideration, but in the absence of anything else that points to an intentional snub, I would let it go.
Post # 16
@weddingmaven: I don’t plan on holding a grudge. Like I said, it is meh.
I just want to make sure that I don’t make this mistake on my own invitations if it is the normal way.