(Closed) Am I just being insecure?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Well if you are sure he is the one you want then I say you have nothing to worry about.

Post # 4
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’ve felt this before too.  Same situation, first girlfriend (he had been on dates but not in a relationship).  At the same time of wondering if he could have found someone better, I realize how good we are together.  And he did choose you, just remember that.  If he thought there was someone better, would he have decided he wanted to marry you? Those are some of the things that get me through it.  I understand though.  

Post # 5
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

FI’s my first boyfriend. When we first started dating I was a little worried since I had almost zero dating experience, and we became serious very quickly because of our personality types (as in – on our third date he was asking if we could have his favorite Mexican restaurant cater the wedding if we got married).

I freaked a bit because I’m a slight commitment-phobe, but then I realized that I would immediately eliminate ‘dating candidates’ if I really didn’t feel like it would work out long-term.

Some people just don’t date a lot at first because we’re picky :). I’m sure your Fiance has thought about whether or not you’re the one for him a TON before he asked you to marry him! 🙂

Post # 6
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Don’t stress yourself out. He is with you because he loves you and wants to be with you. Even though my now husband had dated a number of girls it was never for more than a month. I was his first long term relationship and now we are married. Infact he was my first boyfriend, but had been my best friend for years.

Enjoy your wedding – he loves you and wants to marry you! It’s special that he found you and didnt need to go looking for anything better – becasue there was nothing better for him than you!

 

Post # 7
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I was my BF’s first girlfriend back in high school.  We dated for two years.  Then he decided that he wanted to explore a bit, see what else was out there.  We broke up for four and a half years and had very little contact during that time.  But, after he had the chance to grow up and see what else the world offered, he realized that he really had had the best at the very beginning, and we ended up together again.  Just because you’re his first doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be his only.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend is always laughing about how he wishes he could just go and smack his younger self across the head for not seeing what he had.  Your Boyfriend or Best Friend wants you because you’re great together, not because he doesn’t know better.  Chin up!  🙂

Post # 8
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Is there anything Fiance does to make you feel this way?

Have you ever shared this with your FI?

Post # 9
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think a proposal is almost bigger for the guy than it is for the girl, its exciting for us but nerve wracking for them. i dont think he would have asked you if he didnt know for sure you are the person he is supposed to be with.  I think everyone should have a chance to  sew their wild oats but some people are just made for marriage while other need to go out and explore the possiblities. Maybe he is just the kind of person that wants to settle down? i think it something you should def bring up to him…its ok to admit insecurities every once in a while 😉

Post # 10
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t think you’re being insecure, you’re just stuck on an intellectual question about how one can find a partner for life in a sea of possibilities. It’s a valid question.

I’ve been through that thought process before, and the conclusion I came to was this – there will ALWAYS be others who might be kinder, prettier, funnier, smarter, more succuessful, more talented, more interesting, more whatever than me. I am certain that out of the millions of women on earth, if Fiance were to speed date each and every one before he ever met me, he would likely have chosen someone else.

The question then is, does Fiance actually need to try dating every other woman on earth in order to find true love and happiness? No. Does he need to date 100 women? 50 women? 20 women? No, no, and no! There is no mathematical basis for finding true love and happiness. If the purpose of a marriage is to be in love and be happy together, and he has found that with you, then your Fiance is not missing out because he never dated other women.

 

Post # 11
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with @totheislnds:. I’ve asked Fiance before if he was 100% sure that he was ready for this (we’ve been together since high school, so really, our only serious bf/gf). He told me that he thought long and hard about proposing, and he was more than happy. He knew it was what he wanted. I don’t think talking to him about it is bad at all, but really, know that such a big decision by him was not done lightly. He loves you!

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