- Blue Rose
- 6 years ago
Okay…So I just really need to vent, I have been crying alot the past couple days and just need to get it off my chest and I want other people’s opinions.
So, here it goes. I have an apartment with my SO, but it is getting painted and they are putting in new appliances and such, so we temporarily needed somewhere to stay and so he asked his parents. They said yes and we have been there a few days now.
Until we got an apartment I had only met his parents twice, and his sister (who is married and has two kids) once. Basically I don’t know his family very well even though SO and I have been together for two years, mostly due to the fact that before we got an apartment together we were in a somewhat long distance relationship.
But the times I ment them, they seemed really nice, and I thought I was getting along great with his mother.
However the other day, after I got home from college and SO was at work, she told me she wanted to have a “chat” when I had the chance. I asked her about what and she replied, “Oh….just stuff.” Obviously this didn’t sound very good, and I was scared but I agreed to sit down and talk with her.
She immediatley tells me that she does not approve of me being with her son and niether does her husband. She told me that living together before marriage is unheard of in their family and that we are a bit of a scandal. She then goes on to tell me that they had tried to keep our living together a secret from his sister (who lives away from home) because she is a “born again christian” and would have a heart attack if she knew her brother was living with “some girl”. But they finally told her, and now she does not want anything to do with us. (This came as a little shock, I knew his sister was one of the extreme religous type, but I have never seen his parents go to church and SO and I are both atheist.)
Then she demanded, not asked, that we don’t have sex until we are married because it is wrong. (Again I was upset, SO is 23 and I’m not her daughter…we should be able to make our own decisions. We have not had sex yet, but we also did not plan to wait till marriage. But I stayed quiet and let her continue.)
She also said we better not even think of marriage any time soon, (me and SO have not mentioned we have talked engagement) and we if got married before she was okay with it that we would not have the family’s support.
THEN, she told me never to call her by her first name again and only by Mrs.(insert last name here, especially around the rest of the family. I was little hurt, I come from a small town with small town values and was taught that calling someone by their first name is a sign of closeness and friendship. Mrs. just seems so formal and cold to someone you think of as family…but I guess Im not considered family to her, which hurts. But again I just said okay.
And finally, she told me she noticed the signature on my phone was “Misses(insert SO’s last name) when I texted her earlier that day and she said she wanted it removed immediatley because we are not married yet. I told her it was just a cutesy thing and I have had it like that for over a year and forgot about it. But I complied and got rid of it.
I pretended to be okay with everything she said and smiled, but as soon as she was gone I burst into tears. I felt humiliated and unwelcome. I thought she liked me, and don’t get me wrong she was saying everything to me in a nice voice, but I was getting the vibe I was getting looked down on through the whole “chat”. Like her smiles were forced.
When SO got home, I told him what happened, and he went and asked his mom about it and she told him it was none of his business. He told me not to worry about it and I probably just misunderstood her intentions. I feel like he didn’t beleive me completley at some points. I just feel…so hurt and miserable. I never had a real family, mine was abusive and I got away as soon as I could, so I was excited to be a part of his. Now I feel like the shame of their family…
Am I being over sensitive…what should I do…has anyone else been treated like this by their SO’s family? Help bees =(