Post # 32
You need to organise another chat with her and this time your so needs to be there. You and him need to tell her that it is none of anyone’s business whether you have had sex or not, and you are not going to change your plans for her or anyone else.
Three more things she needs to know- her daughter is not being very Christian in her own actions, you plan to get married one day and she risks not being asked to her own sons wedding if this continues any further and if you have children one day she risks getting cut off from them too. Remind her that all of this will be her own doing and not yours. Tell her you would prefer her to be part of your future children’s lives but this feeling will not last if this continues. Sort this out with her as soon as your apartment is finished as this will only fester if left alone.
Post # 33
Yuck. Good luck dealing with that. PP gave lots of good advice. First and foremost, make sure your SO believes you. Second, make it clear to your Future Mother-In-Law that all future “chats” happen with you AND SO, just your SO, or not at all.
Post # 34
1) OP stated they have not had sex yet.
2) They also aren’t “turned out on to the streets” they are having their apartment redone. They probably could have gone to a hotel but SO asked his parents instead.
3) SO mother did this without him present which means she thinks he probably wouldn’t have approved of the conversation.
I think you and SO need to have a chat with her. Realize that this is not a permanent relocation and you will soon be back at home. However, if ground rules aren’t laid out now she will try to control your whole life! If your SO doesn’t believe you, you need to make sure he does. This could just be the first of MANY issues that you need SO by your side. If he isn’t going to stand up for you, you need to move on.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Post # 35
Thank you soooooo much Bees! All the words of reassurance really helped and there is some really good advice on here too. I’m so glad I made this topic, it really helped me!
The good news is we got the call the apartment is finished, except for the new windows, but we should be able to move back in tomorrow. Which is great because it was extremely uncomfortable to be around her and have to pretend I’m okay in front of her and her husband.
SO did once again confront his mom after he caught me crying, since she would not tell him what we talked about the first time, but she once again blew him off and refused to talk about it claiming it was a “Women to women talk”. I did end up showing him this thread, and he felt really bad and said he hated seeing me suffer like this and that it was not that he didn’t beleive me, he just wanted to hear her say it and didn’t understand why she was being two-faced about it. He was mad at her and wanted to pursue it more, but I begged him not to start anything while we were her under her roof and he grudgingly complied. He’s a good man.
SO’s mom has been treating me nice since, and last night she asked me if I was upset about something. Ultimitley I don’t think she has a problem with me on a personal level. I beleive it could be anyone with her son and she would still disapprove. I have decided to just “put my big girl panties on” and just shrug it off in order to maintain a good relationship with her. Maybe in a year or two after she gets to know me better she will warm up to the idea of marriage more, me and SO already planned on having a long engagement anyway. As for sex, well what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
A couple of bees accused me of disrespecting her beleifs under her roof so maybe you were confused and thought we were having sex in her house? So let me just make it clear me and SO are virgins, we are not even sleeping in the same room while staying there because that is against her wishes.
I’m still dissapointed that I was not welcomed into the family with open arms like I was hoping. But I guess I will just have to give it time. Hopefully his sister will come around too because she seems really nice otherwise and I would like to be friends.
Thanks again everyone for your advice!
Post # 36
WOW. What a odyssey. I’m glad its going well (??) now. I had to laugh though, when she said that she was keeping your relationship a secret from his sister. What century are we living in???! Heaven forbit (and I say that somewhat literally), that someone else have different ideals than you. So much so that they will faint and perish at the mere thought of co-habitation/seeing each other/speaking/meeting/dating/sleeping together/etc before a marriage. Really, its not funny; just sad.