(Closed) Am I just being PMS or are we having a deeper problem ?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1715 posts
Bumble bee

Not over demanding I don’t think. But I’d say your PMS is influenceing most of this.

I say that because the same happens to me too. Now my PMS isn’t just pms…It’s PMDD (premenstral disphoric disorder) So..lots of pain and rapid mood swings that confuse even me.

I start having the same feelings around my period too. He’s lazy he is this he is that, man will he be a good dad if he is “lazy” now? Diaper changes at 3am? Doubt it! Put the damn xbox away!…ect ect ect….

How I stop it, or make it less than it is…I reverse my thinking. “Well what did he do good for me this week? He was really great portioning out the pot roast for his lunch this week. He did bring me a chocolate truffle home that one day. Well we did play that game together and that was fun..He’s so good with my neice”

If you have a strong sense of logic, use that to your advantage. My favorite phrase is “I’m over thinking this, I KNOW he isn’t that bad!”

It’ll work out. Put the effort into saying GOOD things about your mate in your head. It works..I promise.

Post # 4
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

He sounds a bit like my husband. I also get PMS monthly, but a really bad PMS every 3 months. I think this is pretty normal and just a part of what life deals us. It’s up to you if you think you can work through the things that annoy you. But I doubt that you’ll find any man (or woman) that you live with 24/7 and doesn’t get on your nerves.

Post # 5
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

lol i thought I was the only one!

I get super annoyed with my Fiance over silly things too and was wondering if anyone else experiances that!

If these things really bother you perhaps speak with him about it? Voice your concerns but I also think taking a step back and thinking about all the good he does is very important as well. It is very easy to take for granted our partner.

I honestly think people do change over the years and I’m sure maybe he won’t be up to your standards but he will be responsible when you decide to have kids.He can stay up late because right now he doesn’t have many responsiblities and is just enjoying himself right now.

Post # 6
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I just realised your from Aus & getting married in Santorini!!!!!! I’m from Canberra and I did that! How exciting! We got married at Dana Villas Firostefani on July 6 2012!





And then we had a reception in Sydney 2 weeks later


Sorry, I just bombed your post! Congrats to you for making the best decision ever!

Post # 7
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@zoecn:  Yeah, I think your PMS might be a big contributing factor here.  Listen, my husband drives me crazy with a lot of things, and I’m sure I do the same to him.  It really just boils down to picking your battles.

Regarding housework – my husband works a lot more than I do.  I have a regular 9-5, he doesn’t.  I’m home more, and I’m home first.  So I do the majority of the housework.  He helps out, although I usually have to ask.  If it’s as simple as asking, and he does it, good enough for me.  It’s not worth getting pissy because he doesn’t take the initiative to simply do it on his own.  He also brags when he does certain things… “Did you notice I took out the trash and emptied the dishwasher?”  I’m thining “Yeah, great, what do you want… a gold medal?”  But I just say, “I did, that’s great, thank you.”  Again, it’s just plain old not worth an argument!

The budget – I can understand your concerns here.  We don’t ask each other before making purchases BUT we have a mutual understanding/agreement on what’s worth spending money on and what’s not.  This warrants a conversation and establishing some type of budget that you BOTH agree on.

Your studies – BOTH of you neglected housework and BOTH of you agreed on takeout versus saving money/making food at home.  You can’t blame all of that on him.  Similar to what I said before, if you’re out of commission and need him to contribute more, just ask!  You can’t expect the guy to read your mind, right?  Once every other month, I take a Sunday off (Sunday is the day I clean the house, do laundry, make food for the week, etc).  I’ve simply said to my husband, “Listen, I need today to just relax.  Can you handle the laundry today please?”  It’s really as simple as being honest and communicating.

His health – Listen, you’re not going to change him.  He has to WANT to change. 

His careless driving – Understandable.  Sometimes shit happens, but if it could have been avoided by being safter, then I hear you.  Again, this is something worth addressing.

The differences between you both – ok, so you’re a control freak and he’s a no stress/no mess kind of guy.  We’re the same way.  Again, you will not change this, nor should you.  Should he take certain things more seriously?  Sure.  But you need to be a bit more realistic about what those things are.  Reference above! 

Good luck.  These are totally workable “problems” – you just have to think about what’s REALLY important to you and what’s worth just accepting and letting go. 

Post # 9
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
@zoecn:  aaawwww that makes me feel SO good! Amalia was fantastic 🙂 I am glad my posts here have helped at least other other bride out there :-)) made my day!

Post # 10
5656 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have this same issue which I didn’t realize was pms related until probably two years into our relationship. When I started tracking my moods I found that every three weeks like clockwork I would be wondering why I was with this guy and thinking about every bad quality he had. Then I’d wake up one morning and be over it. Now that I’m aware of it it’s a lot easier to manage as not let myself go there. You and your fiancé sound like most couples. You fight about dumb things, you both have bad and good qualities, and frankly he sounds like most men ;). 

I think your first step is to try and deal with the Pms and figure that out. Once you do if you still have these issues and doubts, then maybe you should dig a bit deeper into your relationship. 

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