(Closed) Am I just being selfish? Please tell me the truth.

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Am I just being a brat?
    yep, but that is natural. : (10 votes)
    19 %
    no, you deserve this time! : (28 votes)
    52 %
    yea, stop being a jerk. : (1 votes)
    2 %
    no, but don't start drama by telling her! : (15 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    568 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I had an upbringing much the same as you,  my sister got everything,  all the good things,  the cuddles and the attention.  so no i absolutely dont think you are being selfish.  i dont even think its your sisters fault either,  it really your mums fault.  

    And the sad truth is,  for me anyway, NOTHING  i ever did was enough,  because my sister was her favorite.  so in the end i stopped trying.  (after 40 years!  )  

    Post # 4
    Member
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @impatientlypatient: I think it’s a natural reaction for a mother to get really excited for a daughter who just got engaged. I’m sure when you got engaged she displayed the same kind of excitement and probably talked about it to everyone! Don’t let it get to you!

    I know what it’s like to want everything to be about you for awhile, but in reality it most often does not work out that way. I had two friends and three cousins get engaged within a 6 month span of mine, so I definitely know what it feels like!

    Just know that as your wedding approaches your mom will get more and more excited as will your other family members, friends, and guests. Plus, you are not getting married until 2013 which makes it hard for people to consistently remain excited. I’ve been engaged for two years and the excitement definitely dwindled, but is now slowly picking back up now that it is finally 6 months out.

    Hang in there….you WILL have your moment in the spotlight! And if it will make you feel better, have a chat with your mom and let her know how you feel. It make make your relationship better! Good luck!

    Post # 5
    Member
    14496 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I dont think you’re being a brat, but I just dont think your mother is really thinking about how she is treating you two.  I dont think she’s really favoring or trying to shine all the attention on your sister on purpose, but its just that its obvious your sister is the one that NEEDS the attention and guidance.  You on the other hand have it all together, you’re educated, getting married, got your head on straight.  Perhaps she just (for lack of better word) ignores you, because you’ve taken care of youself just fine and just expects the best for you already.  Where as your sister finding a good guy was “unexpected” and therefore very exciting to her.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I’m sure your mom is just happy for her because she is finally getting her life on track. As PP stated, you, on the other hand, have always had it together. Have a chat with your mom….tell her how you feel and that you feel slighted. Chances are she may not even realize how she is making you feel.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I’m confused. You said “they are planning on getting married next year as well.” Doesn’t this count as being technically engaged since they are planning?

    Post # 10
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @pinkshoes: You took the words right out of my mouth!

    I’m sorry your mom is treating you this way, it really isn’t ever fair to “favor” one child. I do agree with pinkshoes though that maybe it’s just because she knows that you have it together and your sister needs the attention and although like I said she should still take time for the both of you, she is currently more concerned with your sister. I don’t have any advice really but I do think you should be proud of yourself for being in such a good place in life right now, and just focus on that!

    PS congrats on finishing college!!!

    Post # 11
    Member
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Sometimes parents cling to the more needy child even if that child does everything “wrong” or brings them lots of drama and issues.  It could be that your mother feels guilty that things didn’t work out for her or that she has special circumstances… who knows?  In any case, it’s not fair to you, but you should know that your mother loves you whether she’s showing it or not.  I’d say she’s just distracted and preoccupied with your sister’s well being.  Try not to be bitter even if it hurts and maybe tell your mom you need some special time with her too, without your sister’s involvement but just the two of you.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @pinkshoes: I agree exactly with what pinkshoes wrote. That said, that doesn’t make it right. It sounds like your mom cares about you greatly and maybe doesn’t realize she’s treating the two of you differently. Or doesn’t know how much it upsets you. She can’t fix what she doesn’t know about so maybe it’s time to have a heart-to-heart. Whatever the outcome, you are definitely not being selfish by having these feelings!

    Post # 14
    Member
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @impatientlypatient: Oh, okay I gotcha. I’m sorry girl. I wish I had more advice for you! Just be glad that you have an amazing Fiance and that your life is on the right track!! 🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    210 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My mom is kind of the same way with my little sister, who had a kid at 19.  When I told her Fiance had proposed and we were engaged she was basically like, “Well that’s neat.”  No real excitement so far.  But boy does she dote on my sister and nephew!  I think it’s because she and my sister are very alike in personality, while I’m like my dad (who my mom divorced several years ago).  I can’t really offer any advice, except to try not to let it get to you… even though it will.  You could try talking to your mom about it, but that may or may not help.  Just know that you’re not alone!

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