(Closed) Am I just overreacting? (vent)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m not sure.  I mean, on the one hand, he should be supportive of you and should be opposed to his family members insulting you on a public forum.  On the other, he shouldn’t alienate his family over that one incident.  He clearly needs to set some boundaries and let his brother know that he won’t tolerate those kinds of shenanigans ever again.  How long do you think he should have kept his distance?  I don’t think you’re necessarily overreacting but at this time I don’t think you can expect him to choose between his brother and you.

It’s really strange that his brother would make up lies about you saying negative things about his kid.  And not inviting his own brother to his wedding?  That’s nuts.  Do they have a tumultuous history or something?

Post # 5
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

This is all a little too much. He makes his choices and you make yours. You don’t have to socialize with them, but if he wants to he can.

Post # 7
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I can understand why you are hurt, but it’s true:  family often does forgive fast.

If Fiance is willing to forgive him, then I think you should at least TRY to get along with these people, for the sake of Fiance.

It’s not because you will EVER be BFF’s with these people – all you’ll do is be polite and tolerate them for whatever family functions you have to go to… the point is: you are doing it to be supportive of Fiance.  And, quite honestly, being nice and polite to them – when they are probably prone to this behavior and I’m sure the family all knows it – will only make you look good.

Post # 7
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh, duh.  I guess I just got a little confused when I was reading it all and thought it was his brother by the end.  Sorry, my bad!

Why do you think they’re such elitists?  Did they say/do anything specific?  I know i have been accused of being a snob many times because I’m shy and quiet and people mistake that for aloof bitchiness….

ETA: I still don’t think you can give him timelines for how long he should stay mad at people, though.  If he never stands up for you that’s one thing

Post # 8
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I still think there is a little more that happened in Florida that is not in the story… it just doesn’t seem to be all there.  Just make sure never to comment on FB about this stuff, it always backfires.  There is nothing you can do because they are family.  But do get together with your girlfriends and vent your feelings and frustrations on it sometimes so you don’t get too angry your Fiance and keep filling his ear about this stuff.  Sometimes you just have to come to the realization that every family member is not going to mesh well, so be the better person (as much as it sucks).  It will be easier on your relationship.

Post # 10
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Let it go… forgive… for real. It doesn’t sound like they’re really forgiving at all, but more like “oh it’s fine” and then pull it back up later.

You… on the other hand should use them to really forgive. Give it to God… really like “GOD I CAN’T FORGIVE….. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!”

and just keep doing it.

Know that hurting people hurt people and that their actions have nothing to do with you… b/c we are in control of our own actions & reactions and cannot blame them on anyone.

I understand getting “dragged” into the fight. I’ve had times where that was NOT my intention at all and before I knew it I was trying to make one clarification after another b/c my words were being turned around.

FORGIVE. If you haven’t been able to let it go before the party then you need to make face and be as genuinely kind as possible. Treat them how you want to be treated! And this made help you forgive too…. judge them with the same measure and to the same severity you would want to be judged.

unforgiveness = unwarranted judgment.

FORGIVE and ask God to help you. If you make this practice I promise it WILL get easier ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 11
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Cachita: you won’t forget, but perhaps the future will make the past seem less bleak.  Time will also help those wounds heal.

Again, I say: do it for Fiance – with the knowledge that your ability to put on a happy face and be pleasant will only help him.  that’s the motivation you need to tap into for strength to be polite around people that don’t like you.

 

Post # 13
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, you can’t change the fact that they are related. Why cause yourself more grief by holding this grudge against him. If you don’t see these people that often anyways, just grin and bear it. If he gets snarky or rude, leave it be-he just looks like the idiot if you don’t retaliate. And please… don’t use facebook to vent out family issues it NEVER works! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

i liked the world before facebook.

The topic ‘Am I just overreacting? (vent)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors