- 1 week ago
My fiance and I have been engaged for almost 2 yrs now, and are due to be married within the next few months. We orginally wanted to go away for our wedding, paid for tickets-etc. Of course 2020 happened, and now 2021 is still following in regards to all of that, so we pushed back that trip until next year. Which was a bummer, but we still want to get married as we orginally planned. Just eloping of course. Since our engagement, I’ve been going to school full time, working full time, and trying to do as much overtime as I possibly can just to save up as much money as possible. He also works and makes about as much as I do. So he’s fine financially. We have seperate accounts, bills are paid together though with no issues from either of us. I have a couple of children from a previous marriage. Everyone gets along, etc.
This whole time, minus the plan tickets/hotels for our orginal trip plans(which he put in half). He really hasn’t helped me in any way. I’ve had some court issues coming up, my ex husband trying to cause issues, so that has taken a big chunk of my savings due to lawyer fees. Last week I had to file some expensive court paperwork, which I was supposed to pick up my dress after that. While I had the 130.00 left to pay in my account, I chose to push it back until the following week when I got paid. Because I just didn’t want to spend 200.00+ on court papers AND the dress that same day. Mind you, he even told me BEFORE we went to file the court paperwork that he would help pay for them. When it came time to do it, it wounded up me being the one who pulled out my wallet. I even told my fiance why when he asked why I pushed the appointment back to pick up my dress. He then was like “well, if you need my help, I can pay.” So I was like “ok, that would be nice, thank you”. Before I left I kept telling him “ok, I’m going to pick up my dress now…” and him going “Ok, see you in a bit”. Needless to say, I went to pick up my dress and yep—it was me who wound up paying while he stayed at home.
I’ve paid for our flowers, his ring, and his wedding gift. The photographer for our photos after our elopment–I’m paying for it. Due to the time of our appointment with the photographer, we’ll have to push our elopment to another time/place–which is more money. Again, I’ve brought that up to him–me even telling him–hey I’m going to send you the contract for that and the price. Him: “ok, sounds good.” He hasn’t even looked at it. He claims that he is going to pay for marriage license. He knows he has to make the appointment, we have the paperwork all filled out and ready to go. Whether or not if he actually does remains to be seen. The things that I have put deposits down or paid for, he gets annoyed–i guess because he was going to do it? I’ve sat him down and have talked to him. Asked him point blank if he even wants to get married or if he wants to push it back. He says he wants to get married and seems like he is excited for that next stage in our life. He even tells his friends that hes excited about us getting married. I also remind him that while we “have time”, weddings and even elopments NEED to be planned in advance. So I do wait, but obviously, you can only wait for so long before its too late and so I just wind up putting down the money, which will of course cause me to get frustrated with him. And so I talk to him again about it with no avail.
I’ve hinted, and I’ve literally said it word for word that I feel like it’s me who is footing everything. Even to the point I’ve said that I will refuse to put down anything else unless he helps. To which he’ll say he “didn’t realize I felt that way” or “that he will do better.” I know he isn’t hurting for money, he makes that same as I do, and gets bonus’ at his job. He went and got his stuff for the wedding with no issues a couple of weeks ago. While he will pay for dinner here and there, and he will even buy things for the kids. I feel like it’s me mostly paying for groceries, things we need for the house, or for most of our dates. (He did put in his half for the plane tickets and hotels before it was canceled with no complaining). I mean, he will buy groceries for us, or things like detergent–I just feel like it’s mostly me doing the grocery shopping. I asked him if we were going to exchange rings at the elopment or if it was just going to me bringing his ring. He said it was just going to be his ring(which of course I paid for). I know not every one has a wedding set, and I do love my engagment ring, I just assumed that he was going at least get me a little band to make it a set, but I guess not.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’m stressed because I’m being pulled in every direction, and feel like I’m just alone in this. That I’m the only one putting in the effort. And the closer it gets the more the stress is happening which to me is affecting my mood when I come home to him. I defitnately still love him. We have a good time together. I’m just afraid that it’s going to cause me to resent him or even resent this upcoming wedding in some way. I do have happy moments, like I’ve gotten some really special items to wear to our elopment-like a personalized garter, jewerly set, a pretty belt, new shoes, etc. Just little things to make it special. So those are my happy moments… I don’t have any close friends or family that live near by or will be able to make the trip down. Which of course I wish they could come, but I understand what is going on in this world, so it is ok with me. I did just realized during my fitting that I’m not going to have help getting into my dress. Which I don’t know what I’m supposed to do for that. Its just another thing for me to stress about I’m sure.
Hopefully this makes sense I just typed this all up so quickly on my phone.