(Closed) Am I justified in my feelings?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honestly she just may have forgotten!

I would gently bring it up! I am sure she will be honoured to add him!

Post # 4
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would be upset if I were you as well, but I don’t think it is fair to be mad at her – she likely genuinely forgot.  I think she probably has so much else going on at the moment, that it was overlooked.  I would just mention it to her, since it was just the rough draft and there is time to update it before she prints them.  I wouldn’t think she would get upset or offended at that suggestion at all!  Good luck 🙂

Post # 5
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would make a nice “in memory of” tribute as your wedding and don’t worry so much about hers. I would prob be offended too, but try not to let it upset you too much. Maybe she felt it wasn’t right to meniton him when she knew you were gettign married soon after? Also,this gives you the chance to really pay tribute! My fiance’s father passed away and we’re doing a chair in the front row with a small bouquet of white lilies on it. They were his father’s favorite.

Post # 6
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Maybe suggest it? She probably forgot and will be happy you reminded her.

Post # 7
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Okay, please don’t think I am discounting your feelings at all. I feel for you and I am sorry you are hurt over this.

I will say this, as a bride trying very hard to plan a wedding for 150-175 people…it is hard to consider everyone’s feelings about every single detail. I am sure they loved one another as you stated, but no one knows what kind of relationship they had except her and him. Maybe she forgot due to all the deadlines she is under right now, or maybe she didn’t want to include him for another reason.

Since it was your father, you have a right to have feelings about the situation. However, it isn’t your wedding and I am sure she isn’t specifically thinking about your feelings right now. I know it sounds insensitive, but I am just speaking from the bride-side of things. It is so hard to try to make everyone happy and think of everyone else with every decision. SUPER HARD!


Post # 9
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It was probably an oversight. Just tell her; I’m sure she’ll want to add him.

Post # 10
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am sorry to hear about your father. I can’t even imagine what that would be like. I think your feelings are totally legitimate. And good news!! It’s only the rough draft! I would let her know it bothered you, but definitely do it soon before she goes and copies all of the programs.

Post # 11
1390 posts
Bumble bee

First I want to point out that immediate family is you, your siblings and your parents. That’s all. I know many families are close with cousins and aunts and uncles, but that’s technically your extended family and in some situations, listing all extended family members who have passed can be a bit excessive. It definitely is in mine, so I hope all of my cousins are understanding when my program (if i have one) does not include their parents. Seriously. I’m just putting that out there, but I’d have to include an aunt, an uncle, all of my grandparents and both of Mr. Artichokey’s grandfathers. I actually think we won’t do that portion at all because there are just too many that could be included. It would be different if we were doing a church wedding in which case I think my mother would insist on the grandparents and flowers/candles.

I understand why you feel upset and maybe she really did honetly just overlook this detail. On the other hand, maybe she simply decided not to include him. I don’t want to be harsh at all, but seven years is quite a bit of time and she may simply have moved on, you know? I don’t think she’s trying to be mean or anything, but the truth is that no matter how well they got along, her relationship with your dad was not the same as yours was and although she may have loved him, he simply may not mean *that* much to her anymore. I know it sounds awful and it makes me sad personally to think that to most of my cousins, my grandparents’ passing no longer affects them, but it’s a reality of life.

You can certainly ask her to include him. And maybe she really did overlook this. On the other hand, be prepared for a response like, “oh, I didn’t think I needed to include him since he’s not actually related to me.” Just in case. These things happen.


Post # 12
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@sapphirestar: Glad to know she is as you have described her. I am sure she just forgot then. Gently mention it to her and all is solved then.

Post # 13
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I honestly think she probably just forgot and you should bring it up 🙂

When i did mine i was typing up my programs and my Mother-In-Law comes behind me and says “what about “Rebecca”” (its the baby she lost after birth between my husband and his brother) I WAS SO SAD I had forgotten (and a little angry that Husband hadnt reminded me…as obviosly he thinks about that alot more then i would). We put the name in and my Mother-In-Law lit a little candle at the ceremony. ANYWAYS a little off track…but basically if your dad wasnt running through her head all the time pre wedding there is just a really good chance it has slipped her mind.

You have a right to feel upset but you should clarify the situation first 🙂

Post # 14
16196 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Oh gosh. You’re totally justified. Whether you bring it up is up to you, but I’m sorry that you got hit with this emotional ton of bricks.

Post # 15
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If she included her friend, i am sure it must have slipped her mind.  Sounds like she doesn’t mean to upset you so gently mention how your dad would have enjoyed seeing her so happy and..tell her honestly.  She might have had a cut off years passed at 5 and didn’t realized your dad was inadvertly left out.

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