(Closed) Am I loosing my mind or has etiquette officially gone down the toilet? Help!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I do think that’s rude.  They aren’t viewing it as your wedding, but a vacation with your mututal friends.  Obviously you can’t stop them from traveling to Mexico, but I would not invite them to the actual wedding.  Cross your fingers they won’t be able to afford it late in the game.

Post # 4
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Your Fiance is right, Mexico is not yours and you can’t dictate who travels there. However, it wouldn’t be crazy to tell your Fiance fine, it’s a free world if they want to travel they can, and I suspect they were invited ON THE TRIP (but not to the wedding- different IMO) Here’s where that matters you’re not under obligation to invite them to the festivities as in the actual ceremony and reception as you’ll be paying extra for those guests. But you can’t tell anyone they can’t go to Mexico…

Post # 4
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Your Fiance is right, Mexico is not yours and you can’t dictate who travels there. However, it wouldn’t be crazy to tell your Fiance fine, it’s a free world if they want to travel they can, and I suspect they were invited ON THE TRIP (but not to the wedding- different IMO) Here’s where that matters you’re not under obligation to invite them to the festivities as in the actual ceremony and reception as you’ll be paying extra for those guests. But you can’t tell anyone they can’t go to Mexico…

Post # 5
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

oh that would piss me off!  I can’t believe people can be so self obsorbed as to see they know you in passing not friends. A wedding is a time for friends and families not bar pickups.

Post # 6
Member
3167 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

ugh! what snots! i would never invite myself to someone else’s wedding! buuuuuuuuuuut… this is a week vacation that these guys are coming for, in a beautiful locale where they’ll be on the beach. if these guys are DATING the girls, then yeah – i’d bite my tongue and allow them to come. BUT!!! you said they’re “hanging out” so then… they’re not dating? it doesn’t sound serious either way. if they’re not dating, then i’d either say “no way – betches ain’t comin’ anywhere near my destination wedding” or “good for them, they can come to Mexico and hang out in the hotel or at the beach or ANYWHERE ELSE during the ceremony & reception because they’re not invited to any wedding-related activities, but they can hang out with the guys outside of that on their downtime”

Post # 7
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

As long as the girls aren’t trying to invite themselves to your wedding, I don’t think it’s rude if they are travelling to Mexico with their friends.

Post # 7
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ohh this is a sticky one, while i can see your point i also think about how if i were paying to go to mexico for one week and wanted to bring someone…i should be. Unless you are paying for their flight, hotel and food I dont think you have an rights to flex on who they can or can not bring.

with that being said though, i dont think they should be allowed to come to the reception…so things get muddy in that aspect.

Honestly, i dont know what to say and i am interested to hear what the bees say!

Post # 8
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ugh, that sucks. I don’t think you can make “someone not come” to a resort that is open to the public.   I’m curious as to why they would even want to “crash”, though,  since they don’t seem to be too keen on you (their problem, definitely not yours).  My advice is if they show up just don’t let them get to you.  There is no need to hang out with brats during your one week of paradise.  Actually, I think you’ll be having so much wedding fun that you’ll not even remember they are there.  Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@elliestan: I second!

Ignore their presence in Mexico and don’t invite them to your wedding if you don’t want to. It’s really weird that they would try to invite themselves to a Destination Wedding wedding anyway, lol.

Post # 10
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@mrs.peters.to.be: The fact that it’s a destination wedding shows how exclusive you’ve planned the wedding to be!  It is rude to just book a flight when you arent invited.  I would take it up with the guys you are friends with if it bothers you that much.  I understand how you feel especially if that girl was a [email protected]!#$ to you!  I wouldnt want someone I dont like coming to my wedding and making me feel uncomfortable and trying to turn it into her little vacation.  WTF!

Post # 11
Member
3982 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

They can go to Mexico all they want. But I would put my foot down and say that any wedding related activities, they are NOT invited. They can’t just invite themselves to somebody elses wedding.

Post # 12
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

While they definitely should not try to invite themselves to the actual ceremony and reception, there is nothing rude, IMO about them deciding to travel to Mexico at the same time as your wedding.

You can’t control every person who wants to go to that resort that week.  So if you try to argue that it is rude for them to go, then it must be rude for every other person who isn’t a guest at your wedding to be at the resort either (which I’m sure you know doesn’t make sense).  Just because you’re aquantances doesn’t change that.

Post # 13
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Hmm this is a tough one. I totally agree with not wanting/having them at your wedding. They weren’t invited so they shouldnt attend the festivities.

However, many people use destination weddings as a vacation. Personally, I only have 10 days of vaca a year and if I wanted to invite friends to Mexico I should be able to.

Post # 14
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You never said they were trying to come to your wedding, just that they were tagging along to Mexico. They are completely within their rights to go on a vacation with their boyfriends. There isn’t an etiquette issue here.

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