(Closed) Am I losing my time?

posted 8 months ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee

Well, you can give him a secret timeline…walk away at one year..date the next guy…walk away at one year…rinse and repeat…or at one year you can start having adult conversations with your current partner (key word: partner), and see where he’s at by then, and discuss a timeline that works for both of you. Six months in—even a year in—is a bit early to start discussing marriage. Don’t be surprised if he hasn’t given it much thought, and understandably so. 

Post # 32
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

If he’s not used to dating girls from his culture, it would probably be helpful for you to tell him what your standards are. It’s good that you don’t feel those insecurities when you’re together, but if you know that he knows you’re expecting a commitment at the one year mark, you might not feel insecure when you’re apart either. Don’t look at it like you’re going to scare him away, think of it as giving him the time he needs to propose the way he wants. That way if he has elaborate plans (since you say he’s a romantic) he’ll have plenty of time to make them come true and start your lives together off the right way! 

Post # 33
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I’m sorry bee but 6 months? It isnt alarming that he isnt talking about kids or marriage yet dont be discouraged. Although some do get married at or before one year it absolutely isnt common or the norm.Slow down

Post # 34
Member
657 posts
Busy bee

Ok, so even if you were wanting to get engaged at a year, you are still only halfway through that year!  So your boyfriend has as much time again as you’ve already been dating to make up his mind and still hit your ‘timeline’.

Having said that, I’d encourage you to wait at least a year before getting engaged and if possible, 2 years between first date and marriage.  This is because it takes around 18 months to 2 years for the initial feelings of infatuation to die down and couples who get married before that time can sometimes find that when that chemical attraction fades, there isn’t much left to sustain their marriage.  

There is nothing wrong with making it clear to your boyfriend that you are treating dating seriously and that you anticipate being married within a couple of years of starting to date the right person.  Also, make sure that he shares your views on the ‘deal breakers’ e.g. the no sex before marriage/no travelling together before marriage.  But it is too early to be having the ‘you are the one for me’ conversations.

Just enjoy spending time together and getting to know each other.  Because once the initial attraction fades, it is going to be your characters and shared interests that will make or break your relationship.

 

Post # 35
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Ugh why are you opening old threads where the OP clearly hasn’t come back???  You’ve done several of these! STOP!

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