(Closed) Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3163 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve been thinking about one of my exes more than normal recently. I think the lead up to making a committment to being with someone for the rest of your life and building a life with them as a family can be quite emotional. I agree with @julies1949 that it’s just our way of processing this. I don’t think you should read too much into it as long as you’re in a healthy r’ship and love your Fiance (as I do mine).

Post # 4
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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futuremrssaldana:  In your dream you are telling your ex you don’t love him and telling your fiance that you do love your fiance. I don’t understand where the issue is here. 

When my fiance and I got serious I had a couple dreams where I was on dates with other people and in the dream felt really guilty and like it was stupid I was with this other dude when my (future) fiance was so awesome and I only wanted to be with him. I took it as my subconcious confirming that I was making the right decision. That is what I see your dream doing too. Don’t worry about it. 

Post # 5
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee

There are no definitive studies saying that dreams are some portal to your subconscience, so I really dont think you need to worry too much about this. I know dreams can be jarring (I had a really vivid one of Fiance cheating on me the other day, it was weird), but for real, it was just a dream that could have just been caused by a random synapse firing. I wouldn’t give this too much weight imo

Post # 6
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I dreamt I killed Christian bale with a lawnmower the other day, was pretty gross.

 Dreams don’t mean much, they are just your brains way of processing whilst your sleeping.

Post # 7
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

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Rabbit56:  thanks for the laugh! And for the dream. His “batman” voice is the only reason I can’t watch those movies. It’s soo terribly grating against my ears lol

Post # 8
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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futuremrssaldana:  I have dreamed that I was having sexual contact with my ex, but in the dream I couldn’t figure out why my DH has my ex’s face and I feel really guilty because I am so confused in the dream about whether the wrong person is in my DH’s place or if this person has somehow changed into (my real life) DH. My ex is nobody that I would ever consider getting back with, so I have no worries that it’s lingering love. I’d blame it on whatever I had for dinner first. Lol. 

Post # 11
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No, you’re making a mountain out of a flat piece of ground! All sorts of weird stuff happens in our dreams. There is nothing to worry about.

Post # 12
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

Ive been having the same issue! I dream sometimes of my high school boyfriend of seven years. Sometimes i am having sexual contact but i knew that really it was my fiancé (in the way that faces change in dreams and people turn into others) and sometimes i dream we were just having a chat about him and i and how things went down.

I was also concered as to why i was dreaming about him and what it meant, and it made me feel odd and guilty. But i told my Fiance about it all and he was ok with it! 

I think he pops in my head due to unresolved issues, we ended badly and it was a bad relationship based on the wrong things and we were very young. I know he hates me and i think it bugs me still. I wish i could just say sorry and i hope he’s happy but that will never be! 

The dreams stopped after a while and i forgot about him again, they only began once we had given our intent to marry, so i think i was just processing some things 🙂 

Ive also dreamt before that my Fiance cheated and i made him jokingly say sorry lol!

Post # 13
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Dreams are random, that’s been covered. 

As far as your other question I think it’s not only okay, but totally normal to still love and care about people from your past. 

Post # 14
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m married for almost 2 years now, and I still have dreams about one of my exes. I also still have sex dreams about other people. Your dreams are dreams – they help your brain process stuff that’s going on (past, present, and upcoming). Dreaming about someone doesn’t mean you love or care about them. So, I would say, don’t worry about it. Let it go. It’s really not a big deal.

Post # 15
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

It depends what you mean by still caring about an ex. Are you allowed to have fond memories from past relationships? Absolutely. But if you find yourself reminiscing too much about an ex during your waking hours and having regrets or doubts, it could be a sign you’ve moved too quickly into a new relationship with your fiance. It’s also possible that you’re looking back at the good times you and your ex shared through rose coloured glasses, forgetting all the toxic stuff that led to your break up. In all fairness to you and your current partner, you need to do some soul searching and make sure you are truly certain about wanting to spend the rest of your life with the man you’ve agreed to marry.

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