Post # 1
Hello everyone, I have been experiencing a bit of a problem for a little while now and I have talked to some friends about it but I guess I need some reassurance that I’m not overreacting/this is normal.
So I had been dating my new fiance for a little over 2 years before he popped the question. He is the most amazing man that I have ever met in my life. And I have had my share of assholes in my life. I know deep in my heart that I want to build a life with this man and I really woudn’t want it any other way. He makes me feel like no matter what we go through we are going to be okay and it’s all because he is that kind of man that really makes me feel safe and loved.
Before he and I ever became a thing, I was dating my high school boyfriend for 5 years. All I can say is that it was a very toxic relationship. One where I couldn’t be myself, I had to constantly keep things away and many many tears shed because of all the anxiety and false accusations. I finally left him and that is when I met my fiance.
Everything has been going great, but for a while now I have been dreaming about my ex, dreams where he is exactly the same as he was in high school and me telling him that I do not love him the way I used to. I tell him that I still think about him sometimes but I don’t want to be with him. Then in my dream I am texting my fiance telling him how much I love him. I wake up feeling scared and then I just cuddle up to my lovebug because I feel a little weird. So after those dreams I think about my ex more than usual. And I know that I will always have thoughts of my ex because you can’t just go up and forget about people that were in your life. But my thing is that I feel like maybe somewhere deep inside me a part of me may still care for him?
I guess I’m asking if it’s okay to still love/care for someone from the past even though you are completely happy now, and do not wish to have contact with this person.?
Post # 2
Dreaming about your ex is not loving or caing for him. It is just your brain’s way of processing what’s going on in your life.
Post # 3
I’ve been thinking about one of my exes more than normal recently. I think the lead up to making a committment to being with someone for the rest of your life and building a life with them as a family can be quite emotional. I agree with @julies1949 that it’s just our way of processing this. I don’t think you should read too much into it as long as you’re in a healthy r’ship and love your Fiance (as I do mine).
Post # 4
In your dream you are telling your ex you don’t love him and telling your fiance that you do love your fiance. I don’t understand where the issue is here.
When my fiance and I got serious I had a couple dreams where I was on dates with other people and in the dream felt really guilty and like it was stupid I was with this other dude when my (future) fiance was so awesome and I only wanted to be with him. I took it as my subconcious confirming that I was making the right decision. That is what I see your dream doing too. Don’t worry about it.
Post # 5
There are no definitive studies saying that dreams are some portal to your subconscience, so I really dont think you need to worry too much about this. I know dreams can be jarring (I had a really vivid one of Fiance cheating on me the other day, it was weird), but for real, it was just a dream that could have just been caused by a random synapse firing. I wouldn’t give this too much weight imo
Post # 6
I dreamt I killed Christian bale with a lawnmower the other day, was pretty gross.
Dreams don’t mean much, they are just your brains way of processing whilst your sleeping.
Post # 7
thanks for the laugh! And for the dream. His “batman” voice is the only reason I can’t watch those movies. It’s soo terribly grating against my ears lol
Post # 8
I have dreamed that I was having sexual contact with my ex, but in the dream I couldn’t figure out why my DH has my ex’s face and I feel really guilty because I am so confused in the dream about whether the wrong person is in my DH’s place or if this person has somehow changed into (my real life) DH. My ex is nobody that I would ever consider getting back with, so I have no worries that it’s lingering love. I’d blame it on whatever I had for dinner first. Lol.
Post # 10
Hahahaha!! You guys are awesome!
Yeah I definitely didn’t try to want and make things worse than they really are I just over think EVERYTHING therfore I was like freaking out because I felt guilty per say that I was thinking of an ex. Or that there maybe be some possibility that there were lingering feelings?
Post # 11
No, you’re making a mountain out of a flat piece of ground! All sorts of weird stuff happens in our dreams. There is nothing to worry about.
Post # 12
Ive been having the same issue! I dream sometimes of my high school boyfriend of seven years. Sometimes i am having sexual contact but i knew that really it was my fiancé (in the way that faces change in dreams and people turn into others) and sometimes i dream we were just having a chat about him and i and how things went down.
I was also concered as to why i was dreaming about him and what it meant, and it made me feel odd and guilty. But i told my Fiance about it all and he was ok with it!
I think he pops in my head due to unresolved issues, we ended badly and it was a bad relationship based on the wrong things and we were very young. I know he hates me and i think it bugs me still. I wish i could just say sorry and i hope he’s happy but that will never be!
The dreams stopped after a while and i forgot about him again, they only began once we had given our intent to marry, so i think i was just processing some things 🙂
Ive also dreamt before that my Fiance cheated and i made him jokingly say sorry lol!
Post # 13
Dreams are random, that’s been covered.
As far as your other question I think it’s not only okay, but totally normal to still love and care about people from your past.
Post # 14
I’m married for almost 2 years now, and I still have dreams about one of my exes. I also still have sex dreams about other people. Your dreams are dreams – they help your brain process stuff that’s going on (past, present, and upcoming). Dreaming about someone doesn’t mean you love or care about them. So, I would say, don’t worry about it. Let it go. It’s really not a big deal.
Post # 15
It depends what you mean by still caring about an ex. Are you allowed to have fond memories from past relationships? Absolutely. But if you find yourself reminiscing too much about an ex during your waking hours and having regrets or doubts, it could be a sign you’ve moved too quickly into a new relationship with your fiance. It’s also possible that you’re looking back at the good times you and your ex shared through rose coloured glasses, forgetting all the toxic stuff that led to your break up. In all fairness to you and your current partner, you need to do some soul searching and make sure you are truly certain about wanting to spend the rest of your life with the man you’ve agreed to marry.