Post # 1
My Fiance and I got engaged last winter and are getting married next fall. I am so in love with him and value him for the wonderful person that he is. I know that our relationship is strong and solid, and we are committed to each other as people, friends, lovers and future spouses.
But I had no idea how emotional one can feel while being engaged. Yes, it’s so much fun. Yes, I enjoy wedding planning. And while we both are open people and talk about “difficult” issues- money, having/not having kids, our priorities, etc, I just was not prepared for the various feelings that I would go through when I was engaged, as opposed to when I was just excited to be enaged!
Did anyone else experience this? I just ordered a book called “Emotionally Engaged” which has gotten some good reviews and I’m looking forward to reading it.
I am glad that I am taking the time and energy to wrestle with the issues and questions that pop up in my head, such as: how will we define our independence/autonomy from our families? how will we manage two growing careers? how will we prioritize holidays/travel since our families live far apart?
I know it’s okay and GOOD to think about these things, and to recognize that you won’t have every answer right away. And that some answers might change over time!
Am I totally weird? Or did other brides- who I hope have wonderful marriages now- also go through this mix of super fun, happy emotions along with more heavy, sometimes even scary ones?
Post # 3
Oh man, for us it’s definitely been a roller coaster. It’s mostly because my family has made things really tough on us, and because we’re broke and paying for half of the wedding.
We bicker about stupid stuff (i.e. who does the dishes more…who should drive..) but we didn’t before we were engaged. Apparently this is normal. We are super happy and feel safe in our relationship, but we did a little research and found that engagements are tough on a couple due to so many stressors in their lives.
Post # 4
I sure hope you’re normal because I’ve been stressed out and emotionally far more sensetive for the last couple months. So many changes happening and so many in the near future it’s bound to set you on edge a bit. As long as you can still talk about it and aren’t becoming depressed or distancing yourself from people I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. Great time to start letting your FDH start supporting you as you support him.
Post # 5
Yes! I’m dealing with this right now. I told Fiance last night that I almost feel bipolar – I’m happy and excited one day, scared and sad the next. In my case, I do think it’s a case of too much anxiety, though – I overanalyze everything.
Post # 6
I’m going to have to look into that book! I have DEFINITELY felt the same way. I love my Fiance soo much and have no doubts about us being together, or how happy we will be, etc. We have a really loving caring and trusting relationship but during this engagement I have definitely been very emotional and over analyzing everything. Glad to see I’m not alone! We AREN’T CRAZY! lol
Post # 7
Yeah, actually we’ve had a lot of emotional up and downs. Through it all though, we’ve been there for each other and understanding. I find that really sitting down and discussing things when you feel overwhelmed to be the best starting point. And if it gets heated (on those rare occasions), then to step back and evaluate where the person is coming from. I think so far we’ve handled all the “what does he/she expect of me?” sort of questions in regards to finances, children, future employment, goals, etc. The most stressful point for us is wedding planning actually. Since we’re on a very tight budget of probably less than $1000 it’s tough to plan and it’s even harder to reveal a date that we have in mind that’s contingent on future employment (we’re students and need to ensure that we have health insurance before getting married). I think so far the only regrets I have is putting too much pressure on ourselves due to what other people want for us, his parents, my dad, my family all have ideas on what we should do and I think that sort of conflicts sometimes what’s best for us and our future. I could write a book on this, but just know that the ups and downs of emotions are normal and to be expected–it’s combining two people for life and two families. Focus on the marriage!
Post # 8
I am married and VERY happy! 🙂 My husband and I was engaged for over three years!!!! So the planning didn’t even start until about a little over a months before the actual wedding day!!! Call me crazy lol…. So before the planning started nothing had changed besides our love grew stronger… Once the wedding planning started I was very stressed at times.. I was trying to make EVERYONE else happy…. My mom and dad are divorced, and she is re-married. She married my step dad when I was 9 so he is more so like my dad. SO THAT WAS A BIG ISSUE! WHO was going to walk me down the isle??? Which my step-dad did.. 🙂 Then my mom and I argued alot over details about the wedding, and about who was going to be in it .. just alot of little things like that had me stressed out … By the wedding day I was so happy for it to be there and to FINALLY be mrs.estep!!!! 🙂 Nothing else mattered! And now I’m not stressed anymore! YOUR FINE! Just make sure to take baby steps and to also take out the time to ENJOY your engagement! Congrats to you both!
Post # 9
Yes, I’d say we have emotional rollercoasters too. Not fun. Aside from being engaged (only since November), C is graduating May 15, wedding is May 21 and we’re moving from NC to CA June 1. To top it all off, I lost my job in January. These are huge life-changers that we’re dealing with. While it’s frustrating to bicker a bit more, I know in the end we’ll be ok. We’re not fighting all the time but it has slightly increased.
Post # 10
Engagement has been the scariest roller coaster ride I’ve ever been on. There have been so many ups and downs since FH and I got engaged in September… We’re both in school, Future Mother-In-Law has health problems and she and Future Father-In-Law just relocated, I have an abundance of family drama and I have a poor support system within my own family. We’re trying to figure out how to handle the honeymoon with our wedding falling so close to another semester of school for me and how we’re going to pay for everything.
I seem to be extra stressed out over everything lately, but thankfully I don’t have too much longer to go. By then, I’m sure everything will be worth it.
Post # 11
For the longest time (first year of our engagement) I thought we were just going through a rough patch but really it took awhile to adjust to knowing we would be married. Luckily since we had a long engagement we both were able to see that and figure out our issue’s now vs. after being married and finding it more shocking to have those feelings.