Post # 1
I was dating a guy that I was in love with. He was always telling me we were going to get married soon, etc… Then in Jan. I got pregnant and had a miscarriage soon after I found out. I was devestated but scared to tell him, as he was planning in going into the military and I was scared this would somehow ruin his dreams. He broke up with me a month later because we had been fighting alot.
Two days later he had a new girl. We started talking in June again, and we ended up sleeping together since I was being an idiot and hoped this would make him want me back. I told him about the miscarriage and his words were “you need to get over it”. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant again, and he got his current f*ck buddy to call me and talk with him about what a wh*ore I was, etc… even though I had only slept with him.
He told me to go kill myself and he wanted nothing to do with this. I had grown up without a father, and was scared so I decided to take the abortion pill (by the way…dont turn this into a pro-life, non-pro life discussion. I believe everyone has the right to do what they want, but I just never wanted to have an abortion). This was like a repeat of my miscarriage symptoms and I wanted to die. I became suicidal and tried to take my own like numerous times but never succeeded.
Now i found out my ex was telling people I was suicidal and laughing about it. He literatley does not care about the loss of either of the children even though they were his and thinks Im a useless piece of trash. He told a mutal friend of ours he wishes I had killed myself because he would never have had to deal with me again.This really shouldn’t have surprised me…he was extremely emotionally abusive and a compulsive liar the whole relationship. But the fact that he wanted to see me dead when only a few months earler he had wanted me to be his future wife?
Its been about 11 months now. I met an amazing man who I recently got engaged to, I am a professional model, I am about to become a published author and I have so much in my life to be thankful for. But everytime I see children or am reminded by this, I break down and have extremem anxiety. I don’t love my ex anymore or wish he would come back to me, but sometimes I just wish he would care a bit. I am broken because he had always promised to be there, and it was a flat out lie. Even his family doesn’t care about the loss of their potiental grandchildren. Am I normal to still hurt over this?
A few friends have told me I may want to push back the wedding but I dont want to. I dont love my ex, but now for some reason Im almost obsessed with making sure Karma “gets him”. I tried to forgive, but after all the pain he put me through when all I did was love him…I want him to feel the pain he put me through the whole relationship and even after. Several of his friends and my friends have all told me his life is going no where and he is already getting karma (he is 20 working at a car wash, with no degree and military didn’t work out…hes dating a junior in high school and still attends high school parties and lives in his dads basement…). They all tell me I was the prettiest and best girl he could ever dream of having but for some reason that doesn’t matter. I just want him to feel the same pain. Now Im even having nightmares he shows up at the wedding and trys to ruin it. Im just a mess. Is it normal to be hurting this bad still? Any advice?
Post # 3
My advice is to seek counseling. You sound like you have some issues to work through. I would at least seek out an abortion support group for people who have had them. Just being able to talk to someone who has been through the same as you would be beneficial.
Best of luck!
Post # 4
Hell girl… im so sorry that you had to go through all that.
I think that maybe you should try counceling so you can deal with the grief of your abortion.
Karma is going to get him, dont worry, but you being obssessed with that is not going to help you and it will only attract bad things to your life.
Focus on how loved and successful you are and let life kick him in the ass.
Post # 5
I’m sorry you had to deal with such a horrible person. Like others said seek counselling. Miscarriages and abortions are not easy to deal with and sounds like you never did emotionally deal with them. Start there and as you mend those scars others will become more clear.
Post # 6
@navywifenmoore: Oh dear, I’m so sorry…HUGS! Don’t berate yourself for being foolish in your decision. All of us have been there one time or the other. It sounds like your ex can’t handle relationships like a normal, well-adjusted individual. Whatever his problem is, please keep in mind that it is all HIM and not you. He cannot process emotions like a normal individual and there is nothing you can do to make him care about you. Maybe he is incapable of feeling any kind of empathy for either his woman or his child. You cannot change that – only a qualified therapist can, so don’t beat yourself up for it.
Having said that, it is perfectly alright to feel anger towards him and wishing karmic retribution on him. He has hurt you very badly and you wish to see him either remorseful for his action or hurt in some other way. This is very human. But don’t get fixated on it. He has already lost the most wonderful person in the world (you) so just think of it as enough punishment. Go to a therapist, if needed. Get rid of the pain. You have already found a wonderful man and you are getting married to him – that’s your reward for suffering so much. You will be out of the shadow of your ex forever.
As for children, don’t let your past affect your future. Are you religious? Confessing your acts and seeking absolution for them is a wonderful way to cleanse your soul. The Lord isn’t concerned with our past or our future. He is only concerned with the present, so it’s never too late to entrust your body and soul to Him. Did you get yourself checked medically? I hope there won’t be any problems with conceiving because of the abortion. Look, whatever happened in the past is unalterable. But it doen’t need to affect your entire future. I’m sure you would be a lovely mother and your SO will be a wonderful father. Welcome those little bundles of joy into your lives and don’t let the past cast its shadow over your happy future. You can do it, girl! Pull yourself together and keep your chin up.
Post # 7
Thank you so much bees, your kind words mean alot! I had not, for some reason, thought about going to see a couselor, but I will definaltey look into that.
Post # 8
@ navywifenmoore: I am sorry you have to go through all the pain, it musts be extremely hard. You are so strong !!! I’m glad you are no longer with your ex, dont worry, life will never be good with a person likes him (I have an uncle likes him, and at the end of the date, my uncle has no family, no one cares for him, even his wifes and children). I agree with others that you should seek councelling to get rid of all the grief, especially the abortion part, I dont think it’s your fault, if I were in your shoes, I would do the same thing.
Post # 9
One more vote for counseling, ASAP. You’ve got some grief, anger, and post-traumatic stuff to work through.
Post # 10
@navywifenmoore: Definitely seek a counselor! I promise they can help you with this tough time that you are going through. Also, there shouldn’t be ANY reasons why you won’t be able to conceive because of the abortion so don’t worry about that. I think you made the right choice and are just dealing with emotions that are totally normal. Hang in there and just know that you are in NO way a bad person. It will get better 🙂