Post # 1
My boyfriend of 7 years was invited to a wedding. My name was not added to the invitation, we also do not live together. The RSVP only has a box with M next to it and nothing about a plus one. I know the bride and groom fairly well as we all went to high school together, but my boyfriend is closer to them. Does this mean I’m not invited or is it just assumed that I will be attending? I honestly don’t care if I am invited or not, but my boyfriend is insisting that I am and I think it would be rude to add my name since there’s not a plus one box.
Post # 2
I agree with you. If the envelope didn’t include “& guest”, I think he is being invited solo.
Post # 3
Agreed, if there was no “plus one” or your name was not included, the invitation was just to him.
Post # 4
You are correct on the etiquette; if your name is not on the invitation, you are not invited. If they intended to invite you, it is their error. There can be no assuming someone is invited when every head counts, so no one should ever assume they are invited unless the invitation lists them or the bride and groom have explicitly asked them to come.
Post # 5
Although standard etiquette says you are not invited, I think there would be no harm in your boyfriend asking his friend,the groom. There have been many previous threads with these exact circumstances, and the couple fully expected the girlfriends or boyfriends to come, because either the couple was not familiar with etiquette, or because of regional etiquette. Just make sure he lets the groom know he is merely clarifying and is fine either way.
ps If you have been together for 7 years, you are his SO not just a plus one, whether you are engaged or not, and should have been invited.
Post # 6
Yes, I agree that if your name is not on the invitation or there is no “and guest” added, you should not assume you’re invited. When I was dating my husband, we were also not living together. So when a mutual friend was getting married, they sent us separate invitations (I would’ve been fine with being on one to save an invitation, but that’s just me. I’m guessing in the event of an unlikely breakup, they wanted us to know we’re both still invited lol). Be on the lookout for your invitation in the mail, and if not, I would assume you’re not invited. If it’s their mistake, maybe they’ll clear it up when they go over the RSVPs and hopefully double check with you and bf if you’re coming or not.
Post # 7
i agree. though it is correct etiquette to include her name, i have personally been invited to weddings where my name was not on the invitation due to sloppy addressing or ignorance of etiquette.
Post # 8
Yes, you should have been invited. It does not appear that you were invited and I would not assume that you were.
Post # 9
To me a couple exclusively dating 7 years should be considered a unit in cases like weddings so it’s rude they didn’t invite you. If your name wasn’t on the invite though you can’t assume you’re invited. As rude as the bride and groom are being. It’s also very odd considered not only the length of time you been together but the fact you both know the bride and groom. The fact that you have been together so long makes me think it was just an oversight on their part maybe have your bf politely call and clarify?
Post # 10
normally I would agree with you that OP should be invited since they are a social unit, but in the time of Covid, I think we need to give couples a pass on that etiquette rule due to capacity issues (not that I would get married with anybody other than required officiant and witnesses right now).
Post # 11
Under etiquette rules, you’re not invited, but it’s my experience that many people don’t know those rules. Two friends who knew my then-boyfriend well only put my name on the invite but intended to invite both of us. They both thought it was implied that a long-term couple was invited together. I think, under the circumstances, it would be okay for your boyfriend to ask the couple if you’re invited in a low-pressure way.
Post # 12
Unless they are ignorant it means you were not invited. Some couples still follow the traditional etiquette of inviting only partners of those married, engaged or living together. Long term, mature partners who function as a social unit also merit an invitation.
When is the wedding? I wouldn’t be attending any weddings any time soon so it would be a moot point.
Post # 13
But it’s not fine, as you later point out. She absolutely should have been invited, by name.
Post # 14
Oh, and I think your boyfriend should decline. Why honor the relationship of people who refuse to respect yours?