Am I not invited if my name isn't on the invitation?

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
883 posts
Busy bee

I agree with you.  If the envelope didn’t include “& guest”, I think he is being invited solo. 

Post # 3
Member
2248 posts
Buzzing bee

Agreed, if there was no “plus one” or your name was not included, the invitation was just to him.

Post # 4
Member
7918 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

You are correct on the etiquette; if your name is not on the invitation, you are not invited. If they intended to invite you, it is their error. There can be no assuming someone is invited when every head counts, so no one should ever assume they are invited unless the invitation lists them or the bride and groom have explicitly asked them to come.

Post # 5
Member
30399 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Although standard etiquette says you are not invited, I think there would be no harm in your boyfriend asking his friend,the groom. There have been many previous threads with these exact circumstances, and the couple fully expected the girlfriends or boyfriends to come, because either the couple was not familiar with etiquette, or because of regional etiquette. Just make sure he lets the groom know he is merely clarifying and is fine either way.

ps If you have been together for 7 years, you are his SO not just a plus one, whether you are engaged or not, and should have been invited.

Post # 6
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Yes, I agree that if your name is not on the invitation or there is no “and guest” added, you should not assume you’re invited.  When I was dating my husband, we were also not living together.  So when a mutual friend was getting married, they sent us separate invitations (I would’ve been fine with being on one to save an invitation, but that’s just me.  I’m guessing in the event of an unlikely breakup, they wanted us to know we’re both still invited lol).  Be on the lookout for your invitation in the mail, and if not, I would assume you’re not invited.  If it’s their mistake, maybe they’ll clear it up when they go over the RSVPs and hopefully double check with you and bf if you’re coming or not.

Post # 7
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@julies1949:  i agree.  though it is correct etiquette to include her name, i have personally been invited to weddings where my name was not on the invitation due to sloppy addressing or ignorance of etiquette.

Post # 8
Member
8009 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yes, you should have been invited. It does not appear that you were invited and I would not assume that you were. 

Post # 9
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
@naturalspringwater007:  To me a couple exclusively dating 7 years should be considered a unit in cases like weddings so it’s rude they didn’t invite you.  If your name wasn’t on the invite though you can’t assume you’re invited.  As rude as the bride and groom are being.  It’s also very odd considered not only the length of time you been together but the fact you both know the bride and groom.  The fact that you have been together so long makes me think it was just an oversight on their part maybe have your bf politely call and clarify?

Post # 10
Member
4705 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@julies1949:  normally I would agree with you that OP should be invited since they are a social unit, but in the time of Covid, I think we need to give couples a pass on that etiquette rule due to capacity issues (not that I would get married with anybody other than required officiant and witnesses right now).

Post # 11
Member
13 posts
Newbee

Under etiquette rules, you’re not invited, but it’s my experience that many people don’t know those rules.  Two friends who knew my then-boyfriend well only put my name on the invite but intended to invite both of us.  They both thought it was implied that a long-term couple was invited together.  I think, under the circumstances, it would be okay for your boyfriend to ask the couple if you’re invited in a low-pressure way.

Post # 12
Member
13768 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Unless they are ignorant it means you were not invited. Some couples still follow the traditional etiquette of inviting only partners of those married, engaged or living together. Long term, mature partners who function as a social unit also merit an invitation. 

When is the wedding? I wouldn’t be attending any weddings any time soon so it would be a moot point. 

Post # 13
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

View original reply
@julies1949:  But it’s not fine, as you later point out. She absolutely should have been invited, by name.

Post # 14
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Oh, and I think your boyfriend should decline. Why honor the relationship of people who refuse to respect yours?

Post # 15
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

You are not invited.

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