Am I not invited if my name isn't on the invitation?

posted 1 week ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

Even before Covid hit I only intended to invite engaged, married or those living together as a unit. My family is too big to do otherwise. So it could very well mean the couple  only intended to invite your bf. Depending on his relationship with them he could ask tactfully. 

 

Or he could just not attend. If someone declined to attend my wedding because I didn’t  invite  their bf or gf I would not have  felt  slighted.  

Post # 17
Member
13048 posts
Honey Beekeeper

While there is some gray area in my mind, IMO for example college or high school kids, couples who are on and off, or dating a relatively short time, a mature, long term partner is supposed to be invited. You make the guest list first, then choose the venue and plan the party you can afford. If the numbers are very large you’d invite in circles, for example only first cousins or no kids except immediate family before you’d exclude a partner. 

Post # 18
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2021

View original reply
@naturalspringwater007:  It may be a small wedding and they may just want close friends and family there. I wouldn’t take it personally. Sure, you’ve been together for awhile, but don’t live together, so I wouldn’t count you as a unit for their wedding. If you two and the couple don’t hang out as a group a lot, I can see that being a good reason. 

Post # 19
Member
47343 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@diana148:  Given that this is an etiquette question, etiquette should be kept in mind. I just said that the boyfriend would tell his friend their decision was fine, either way. That doesn’t mean he has to be happy about it or attend the wedding without his SO. It just means that polite people wouldn’t make an issue of it on a phone call or text to the groom.

Post # 20
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Eden Project, Cornwall, United Kingdom

I don’t know… Me and my now husband sent out our wedding invitations via Facebook messagers and did not include any names and people would just ask if they’re allowed to bring a plus one and we would say yes. You could just ask?

Post # 21
Member
13048 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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@zoologistbride:  The onus is not on the guest. Generally speaking it’s considered rude to ask if an uninvited person can attend, or to imply that someone is too ignorant to know how to issue an invitation.

That said, when a host does not include someone who should have been invited, checking to see that it was not an error or oversight is acceptable. 

Post # 22
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Eden Project, Cornwall, United Kingdom

View original reply
@weddingmaven:  Literally every guest whom we didn’t send a separate invitation to their partner asked us if they could bring a plus one or even their whole family 😂

Post # 23
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2021

View original reply
@zoologistbride:  I can’t believe that! Well, I can… but SERIOUSLY??? What did you say to them?

Personally, I’m with 

View original reply
@weddingmaven I think that is incredibly rude to ask a couple to invite someone else to THEIR wedding! There are so many reasons why they made those decisions and you just have to respect it. Same goes for an adults-only/child-free wedding. 

Post # 24
Member
13048 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
@zoologistbride:  The fact that you were uninformed and your invitation confusing and inaccurate still doesn’t mean it was appropriate for your guests to ask to include uninvited guests. 

Post # 25
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

I don’t think there’s any harm in asking in a no-pressure way.  Some people don’t care about or follow proper etiquette.  

Post # 26
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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@caniofferyouafishsandwich:  Personally I think it’s rude to not invite someone’s partner of 7 years to a wedding. At that point a partner isn’t someone’s plus one they are a social unit.

Post # 27
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2021

View original reply
@soexcited123:  Maybe the couple felt obligated to invite boyfriend and didn’t want to be rude not inviting him? It’s possible they invited him only with hopes he’ll decline if he has to go alone? I dunno know, just a theory… 

Post # 28
Member
33 posts
Newbee

Listen, i’m a fan of open communication. Have your SO shoot a text to clarify. It’s possible a friend or family member was helping with invitations and it’s just an error. It’s largely possible it’s not an error. 

Post # 29
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Los Angeles

I can’t for certain speak to intent behind it, but I would think that you are not included on that invitation simply because you do not live together. You may be invited to the wedding, but you would be getting your own invitation, separately, to your address. 
That would be my first instinct, based on etiquette alone, if they didn’t want to do a +1 since you are more than just a +1, relationship wise. Did you both get a Save The Date, or is no one really traveling and it wasn’t as necessary to send those? 
Wirh that being said, in this crazy Covid-19 world, who knows what they needed to work out due to restrictions, but in that case, I would have preferred to not invite either than to just invite 1 of a family unit. 

Post # 30
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
@RunningBookworm:  7 years living together or not I would say that length of time makes them a unit. This isn’t an on again off again short term relationship. People may have lots of reasons for not living together may be they can’t afford their own place yet. That isn’t up to the bride and groom to make that call to stay oh well they don’t live together therefore their relationship isn’t serious. By your theory of oh they live together they must be more serious. What about couples that are dating like a year and live together does that mean they would be invited but a couple not living together thats been together 7 years wouldn’t be invited. I would be living if I was with someone 7 years and I found out I wasn’t invited to a wedding where my partner was because the bride and groom determined my relationship wasn’t serious enough while Suzy and David who have been together a year and live together were. In fact it might make me re evaluate my friendship with said person. 

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