(Closed) Am I nuts?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
4824 posts
Honey bee

You are not wrong.

Being defensive usually means they are feeling guilty. Who was the wake for? 

You dont have to be together for everything, but as a couple you should be together for everything important and that includes, wakes, family events such as weddings and graduations (as invited).  He can go with his friends, a random stop by of his parents, a trip to the golf course, at the gym, a walk, a CSI marathon etc. Its not about space, its about the the event he chose to not bring you.

If he wants space have him tell you why and when. Tell him its OK to go out with buddies, but its not OK at events like this because it shows friends and families that you are not a priority and it demonstrates to you that you are not a priority. And you need to be his top priority.

Post # 5
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

ditto to lefeymw.

Post # 6
4824 posts
Honey bee

I would feel the same way. I would bring it up again and say why you are hurt, not just that you are. Help him see the larger picture. If he still cant see it, well I don’t know. I don’t know your relationship, but I would question how important you are in his life honestly.  

Post # 8
15 posts

Hello Darlin,

   In my opinion, it wasn’t a big deal because he was just going to show his face and leave. You two do everything together and at some point, you need to do seperate things! It’s sounds backwards but when you are off doing your own thing by yourself or with just YOUR friends, your man will miss you and it draws him closer. If you are up each other’s butts all the time, it gets annoying. I learned from experience in my present relationship. Trust me! I used to get so upset and think the worst when my man would go off with his friends and not invite me. Then I realized it would push him further when I started complaining about it. When I go off for the weekend by myself, or out for the day with my friends, he is happy when I come home and hardly leaves my side. That’s what you want right? Always focus on YOU  first and it makes for a better half of a couple:) In my opinion….

Post # 9
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m with luvmuffin.  I think you are blowing it out of proportion.  He had a decent reason for not wanting you to join him (it’d be a hassle to get you).  I also give people passes at things involving deaths – e.g. I try to do what *they* want/need, not what I want.  I don’t push them, I let them tell me what’s best, whether that’s spending time together quietly or distracting them, or leaving them to their own devices and checking in every so often.

I’m really not sure why you’re so upset at this one event that it raises a red flag.  To me the always doing things together is a red flag.I do a lot of things together with my SO but we still do our own thing at times too.  It’s important keep in touch with your old friends (no matter what they say, they appreciate some time with just you occasionally) and to some activities just you.  Don’t become so subsumed into the couple.  It makes you more interesting if you have your own activities going on as well. 

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