Post # 1
I have nothing else going on the day of my SIL’s bachelorette party, but I really don’t want to go. I don’t know any of the girls, I don’t hang out with my SIL socially on a normal basis, and I’m not interested in spending money on an overnight bachelorette extravaganza where she and her friends are going to be sloppy-drunk most of the night. (I feel like I probably just got a token invite because I’m married to her big brother.)
I would consider just going for dinner if the party were closer, but the event is at a hotel 2 hours away.
Is this party a social obligation for me now that we’re officially in-laws to each other, or can I skip it if I’m going to all of the other wedding obligations?
Post # 2
marie_antoinette: Was she invited/did she go to your bachelorette party? Personally, I don’t see it as a social obligation, especially since you guys aren’t close and don’t hang out any other time. I’d graciously decline.
Post # 3
marie_antoinette: It’s hard for strangers to give advice when we don’t know the dynamics of your family relations.
If you really think it was only a courtesy invitation, then you can decline.
If you have doubts about what her reaction would be, despite the fact that it is a 2 hr drive, you could still choose to attend the dinner, then drive home. It wouldn’t kill you and would be great for future famiy relations.
Post # 4
marie_antoinette: Personally, it’s your husband’s sister – I think you should be supportive and go. I don’t see how any of what you described sounds “crazy”. If it were an expensive flight away I would understand.
Post # 5
I did not go to my SIL bachelorette party for pretty much the same reasons. I don’t know any of her friends, she is about 6 years younger then me, we are not super close, and it just felt odd for me to be there, so I politely declined and got her a bottle of something to drink for the night.
Post # 6
Can you go and just not stay the night? Just go for dinner and go back home. You could always come up with a white lie – you have to be up early in the morning for something, for example. Do you have another friend who lives there that you could go visit afterwards if you don’t want to be out all night?
Post # 7
Eh, I don’t think you’re obliged to go. But it might be a good oportunity to bond with your SIL. But if you really don’t want to go and will have other opportunities to bond, then I wouldn’t lose sleep if you miss the bachelorette.
Post # 8
You’ve no need to attend. Let alone drive for 2 hours to watch a group of people you neither know nor hang out with get mullered. Send apologies and best wishes and then leave them to enjoy their evening in the way that suits them.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
If you really don’t want to go… I’d get her a cute/sexy teddy as a gift or call ahead to the restaurant and pay for a bottle of bubbly or something like that instead.
But you might actually enjoy it! Only you know the family dynamics.
Post # 10
I don’t think you need to attend. You may be married to her brother, but that doesn’t mean you have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Also, if the two of you aren’t close, I doubt you being around her and her drunk friends is going to bring the two of you together. There are better ways to bond than that.
Some people are saying you should go to be “supportive”, but, come on, this is just a party — she doesn’t need support for that.
I wouldn’t go.
Post # 11
Xu: No, I did not invite her to my bachelorette party. I had a really small sleepover with my 4 best friends at my apartment, and (like me in this situation) my SIL would have been the odd woman out in my group of friends. I wanted to spare both of us the awkwardness, so I decided only to invite my very close friends.
julies1949: The family dynamic is really good – my SIL is very nice and I like her company. We’ve known each other for 10 years and we get along just fine…but socially, she and her friends like to go clubbing and party hard, and I just don’t.
JrzyGurl: The party will be crazy by virtue of the fact that it’s going to be an overnight fling at an extravagant gambling establishment in the state listed in your screen name, with all of her friends who have a regular track record of getting way too drunk. It would be an expensive night even if I just went for dinner.
Post # 12
I don’t think you NEED to go.
But!!! I guess this depends on the kind of personality you have. Personally, I would go and make a good effort to enjoy the festivities with her and get to know the other girls. Im a pretty outgoing person though so I would take advantage of a weekend away and just be really friendly and helpful. Especially if it were my husband’s sister. But it seems you really have no desire to approach it that way.
So in answer to your question, no you aren’t obligated to go 🙂
Post # 13
marie_antoinette: I’m guessing you mean AC? I always have fun there, and isn’t that what a bachelorette is supposed to be? If you really don’t want to go, then don’t go, but I think it sends a message that you don’t really want to be friends or close with your SIL.
Post # 14
I think you should go just for the dinner at least but if it’s not something you want to do then don’t force yourself. Why not send an extravagant gift instead – depending on the type of crowd- a hunky male singing telegram/stripper. They still make those right? Or maybe offering to pay for a limo for the night. Or depending where they are staying sending up a fruit/munchie platter to the room. Or what about delivering a hangover care package. Just something that says thinking about you sorry I couldn’t make it.
Post # 15
JrzyGurl: Maybe she doesnt?
Why do women have to be BFFs with their in-laws? Honestly i dont get along with women in general, and i have yet to attend a shower or bachelorette for any of my sister in laws. I have different issues with some of them, and i also hate showers and bachelorettes so i dont go and send a gift instead. They can take it personally if they want but honestly those kind of events make me want to vomit.
FYI i was called the Anti-Bride. Baby showers i will attend though. lol.