Am I offically waiting now?

posted 4 months ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

You aren’t waiting for a proposal unless you actually agreed on a timeline. Like you two literally looked at each other and said, great we agree to be engaged by December 2020.

 

All you have right now is you telling him you want to be engaged before 5 years, and him saying, it will happen at some point. Literally none of your conversation includes him saying he will propose anytime soon. He is giving you more excuses. 

Have another conversation and say this, i would like a timeline agreement for engagement. I would like to be engaged by this December. How does that sound? He comes back with a timeline he likes. You compromise and find a middle ground. Don’t end the conversation without an actual month and year by which you will be engaged. Without that you aren’t waiting you are having your time wasted. 

Post # 17
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’m sorry but the excuses he’s given you for why he doesn’t want to this year jump out at me as red flags, especially with him being 32. In this case, you need to have a firm timeline that you’re okay with (it sounds like even though you accepted the one you talked about with him you’re not actually okay with it) and if he still isn’t ready by then, you need to walk. PP makes a good point about deadlines. He is unlikely to surprise you with a proposal this year because you’ve already basically given him the all clear that he doesn’t have to do it this year.

I think you need to reapproach this and make it clear to both him and yourself what your expectations are for the timeline because I think you’re setting yourself up for a situation where you’ll spend the next 2 years “waiting” and you’ll end up feeling resentful if he takes advantage of that.

Post # 18
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Oh and he said he needed to live with you before getting engaged. You compromised and went along with that. Now it’s his turn to give you what you want and compromise. Do not accept any timeline longer than the end of 2020.

Post # 21
Member
10003 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  1. F
    View original reply
    @flyfromtheinside:  

I am glad you are feeling better, though l still don’t like his tenuous sounding mindset. I also think you are playing into it , to your own disadvantage,  by going the ‘l want to be surprised’ route . Tbh OP, l think he will use that as another stalling tactic. I hope l am wrong of course ! 

Post # 26
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Congratulations!!

Post # 27
Member
269 posts
Helper bee

yay! Congratulations! I love seeing these things follow through to a proposal! Good luck with the wedding planning. 

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