(Closed) Am I or is my sister being unreasonable?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

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@ieatunicorns:  I was going to say everything you did. Thanks for making my job easier. 

OP, when the wedding’s over with (or even before it,) why don’t you block out some time to hang out with her one-on-one instead of “inviting her along” to do things with you and your BF? She might just want some alone time with you, but is doing a very poor job of saying so. At 21, there is all kinds of growing up and maturing to be done still. 

Post # 18
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

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@Quackadoo:  Talk to her again, and get a “State of the Relationship” chat going. The best way to come up with mutual solutions to problems is to communicate about them.

Post # 19
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Quackadoo:  I think the words “wise up” should leave your lips and enter her ears at some point. 

Post # 21
Member
7 posts
Newbee

Someone wise once told me “Hurt people will hurt people.”  Since then, when someone says or does something hurtful to me, I eventually start wondering what hurt they are dealing with that caused them to do or say the thing that hurt me.  Mentally, this helps me put responsibility where it belongs, either with the person who hurt me, or further back up the chain, rather than assuming that I did something to deserve being hurt by this person.

 

My guess with your sister is that she is acting out because either a) she’s jealous – you have a serious relationship, and I’m guessing she doesn’t. b) <insert copy of MrsMeNow’s post here>

The fact that your parents give in to her tantrums doesn’t help.  Has anyone tactfully mentioned how unattractive this behavior can be?  I once had a friend in her early 20’s who sounds a lot like your sister, only she pouted -stuck out lip and all – when she didn’t get her way.  One time she did it and I told her it was a really unattractive face.  She was surprised and quiet for awhile, but I never saw her do it again.

Post # 23
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

yeah sounds like she’s just upset b/c she doesn’t have someone to bring w/her

Post # 24
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

She’s definitely wrong.  Sorry you’re dealing with this.  I know how frustrating it can be.  Your sister sounds just like mine. .  .Undecided

Post # 26
Member
6739 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

There were too many posts to read, so sorry if this was already said:

Sounds like she’s being a brat.  Also, sounds like she might miss some one-on-one girly sister time with you.  Do you make sure to make some separate time for her? Even if you include her in things, no one likes to be the third wheel. 

I totally get your frustration though and I’m sorry she’s being a brat about this.  I just think she might be feeling lonely and missing you. 

Post # 28
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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@Quackadoo:  Tell me about it. My sister is pissed with me right now because I won’t spend My SO’s birthday with her, several states away, in Miami! For the most part we are extremely close, but things get extremely tense in situations that involve her having to occupy the same space as my SO.  I think her problem has more to do with the fact that she’s single though.  She’s almost 30 & always pictured that she’d be married by now.  It bothers her a lot, and I think that she acts the way she does to my SO because of it. Because, I do notice a positive attitude change when she’s dating someone.  Do you think maybe your sister’s attitude might have something to do with issues she’s having in her own love life?

 

Post # 30
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Ok, so she’s single because she thinks she’s too good for all the poor bastards who will actually date her.  So she must figure you and she should just be lifelong spinsters together.  But the presence of your boyfriend completely screws that up, so she’s going to throw a hissy fit until you give in and dump him or he gets sick of you blowing him off to hang out with her, and he dumps you.

She needs to get over herself.

Post # 31
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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@Quackadoo:  Is there a specific reason you need to leave your SO on his birthday for her? Nope she just wants to go on vacation, and have a little sister time.

As for your situation, I think you’re handling it exactly the right way.  You can’t make everybody happy.  Your sister is just going to have to learn to deal. She’ll come around sooner or later, but you shouldn’t have to do bend over backwards to accomodate her every tantrum.  There’s absolutely no need to go back and forth with her about it.  Don’t feed into the drama. 

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