(Closed) Am I out of line with the "no-kids" policy??

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
46414 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsFinn86:  Generally speaking, I am totally in the camp that the hosts get to decide who is invited, and that includes the perogative to not invite children. I do think, you need to try to get to the place where you can make an exception for newborns.

By 7-8 weeks of age, many moms and babes are just now getting to a point where they are breastfeeding well. It would not work at all for her to have to leave te baby with a sitter and run back and forth. The stress of that could interfere with her milk production. To say nothing of the phone calls going back and forth at your reception. Personally, I would find that more annoying than a sleeping or nursing baby. Babies of this age, pee, poop, nurse and sleep. That’s about it.

I think she has a point in feeling that you not understanding her position. Perhaps it is because you haven’t had a baby?

Post # 4
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Usually exceptions in “adults only” weddings are made for newborn infants. It is much harder to leave a 7-week-old with a babysitter than to leave a one year old.

Post # 5
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

First I want to say I get alot of people dont want kids at weddings, to me that wasnt my choice, at one point I had to draw the line for how many people could bring their kids so we kept it to just family. So it isnt out of the norm to hear it. However, also being a mom I understand where she is also coming from. IF it were me I would have declined. Even if it was a close close friend of mine I wouldnt be able to leave my 2 month old at home with the dad or a relative becasue I would still be breast feeding. Saying she can bring the baby to the ceremony but not to the reception doesnt really help because shes not from around here and who would she get to watch the baby for those few hours that he can trust? I wouldnt leave my child with someone A) i didnt know and B) someone they havnt been around. Im not saying make and exception for her but im just trying to help you see where shes coming from ( if you didnt all ready)

 

Congrats BTW! hope your weddings a blast =D 

Post # 6
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think its off base to ask someone to fly from Europe to come to your wedding without their newborn baby.

Post # 7
Member
2490 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Is she planning on travelling from Europe with her 7 week old baby to attend you wedding?

Post # 8
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

You are not wrong for inviting only her and not her child to your wedding.  However, with that in mind, you cannot be upset with her for choosing not to attend your wedding because her child is unable to attend.

She needs to get over being upset about this; you aren’t telling her to leave her 7 weeks old baby in Europe while she attends your wedding.  It sounds like you have made some sort of suggestion regarding the hotel room; so long as that suggestion was not leaving the baby alone in the hotel room, it is a reasonable request.  She would be able to attend the wedding and breastfeed in the hotel room as necessary assuming the hotel is on the same site as your reception.

For perspective: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/10/kids-at-weddings_n_3247928.html?utm_hp_ref=weddings&ir=Weddings

I love how it’s a “cultural” thing.  Well if weren’t a “cultural” thing for parents to allow their children to behave poorly at weddings (or leave poorly behaved children at home) then maybe brides and grooms wouldn’t have to institute no-child policies for weddings.  With many weddings being huge parties that go late into the night, I have no idea why a parent would even want their child to be there to see Aunt May and Uncle Ben dance drunkenly and suggestively on the dance floor.

Post # 9
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

I don’t really think either of you is being unreasonable or rude. you are both in a tough spot where in your opinion you can’t let her bring the baby because of this rule you’ve made and she can’t not bring the baby because it’s going to only be 7 weeks old. it’s kind of a no win situation. I think that you need to decide if your rule is more important to you than your friendship with this woman, because this could ruin your friendship. If her child was going to be 6 months at the time of the wedding I might say she’s being unreasonable, but for her leaving her newborn for hours is probably not a viable option. I know that when my daughter was that age I would leave her for no longer than 30-60 minutes. I think that people that you have told not to bring their children will understand since it is a newborn.

Post # 10
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@beachbride1216:  I agree that it is a cultural thing.  In the US brides make it all about them without any regard for other people.

Post # 11
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

I also want to say that since she is coming from europe she probably wont be comfortable leaving her newborn in the care of a sitter that she doesn’t know. I would never have felt comfortable leaving my daughter with a new sitter at that age

Post # 12
Member
2448 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think that an exception can be made for a newborn, since they don’t technically require a seat. And 99% of the time I’m the one who says children don’t belong at weddings anymore than my dogs do.

 

Post # 13
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Before I get flamed, I am allowing parents to bring their children.  And God have mercy on their sweet innocent souls because none of my guests without children will be expected to reign in their drinking or behavior just because kids are present at the wedding.  I am letting the parents decide whether they want a night off from the kids or to have to explain to little Joe on Monday why Grandma was slurring her words and acting “silly.”

Post # 14
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think maybe you should just try empathizing with her and let her know that you understand that she is not choosing to not be there for you for her wedding but that she simply cannot attend due to having a newborn baby to tend to.  Just let her know that you understand that her not being able to attend without the baby is not a slight against you by any means.  I think that’s where her hurt is coming from (i.e. – that you are making this about her deciding not to come as opposed to be unable to come).

Hope that makes sense. Embarassed

 

Post # 15
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@MrsTVLover:  The cultural thing I would agree is that a significant portion of American parents allow their children to control the situation and do nothing to reign them in and make them behave in public.

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