Post # 1
Ok I need some advice from someone I don’t know as if I discussed the situation with my friends they would agree with me, of course! My best friend (and MOH) have been friends for 13 years. We have been through periods of ups and downs which usually revolve around guys. When I would get into relationships my friend would become distant and accuse me of blowing her off when it wasn’t true. I was even accused of lying on various occassions. Once I had messaged her ex boyfriend of facebook to ask a question relating to a birthday gift for her, I thought she was going to kill me by the way she reacted. Even if she finds out something about me, and it doesn’t have to be anything serious, she claims I am hiding things from her. Fast forward to the point where I got engaged. Everything has calmed down for the most part with the accusations, but some other things became weird. I bought a new car, she buys the same one same color. I get a new phone, she buys the same one. On facebook she randomly request my friends she doesn’t know and random people I work with. She has also taken up thing I do that she never has like getting her nails done and playing certain sports. If I mention I am doing something, like going away for the night, she will post on facebook about her planning a trip. For my 25th birthday I had a limo take my friends and I for dinner. Every birthday since she has done the same. I also was recently diagnosed with a non curable medical condition that is progressive. Now she randomly messages me saying she is so concerned and can’t believe it will only get worse over time. As if I need that reassurance! After that, she claimed to have been diagnosed with something herself, which I was devestated about, then turned around and said she was diagnosed incorrectly. Over the last two weeks she has randomly been getting nasty with me. I asked her if she plans on wearing her hair down for the ceremony and her response was “why are you scared I am going to look terrible for your pics?” Like what? I am just asking. I don’t know if it is just me. She is my best friend so we are supposed to share common interests, but something just feels off to me. She is 35, lives with her parents and has unstable employment. Yet preaches to everyone how she is so independent and goal drive. Please be honest with me and tell me what you think. I have so about had it with her, but maybe I am more sensitive to situations.
Post # 3
i think you have become an example of what she wants to be. her job and private life seem unstable, so she’s trying to “copy” a life of someone who is more successful instead of doing something on her own. i’m not sure if what she’s doing is “unconscious” or being done on purpose, cos she is insecure and desiring for approval. anyway, if she’s important to you, talk to her about that and try helping her out if you can.
Post # 4
@Tropicalbride: She sounds like a bit of a nut job. Yeah I am only seeing your side of the story, but I thought most people grew out of this sort of thing by the time they left highschool.
She sounds unstable, jealous, lonely, passive-aggressive, insecure, and just plain weird.
Post # 5
Had the same thing happen but with my older sister; I just chose to be an example to her. Yes it can be emotionally draining but just continue to be the bigger person. It may come off as ‘weird’ to you that she is acting like this but if you have something she desires so much to have herself it’s kind of a compliment in a weird way. She seems very unsatisfied with life which I’d say is more unfortunate than being on the other end of things.
Post # 6
@Tropicalbride: She needs help! It sounds like she wants to be you. Why don’t you tell her you are getting some counselling and she might get some too….
Post # 7
she feels insecure about herself and the way her life is going, so one she is overcompensating by telling people that she IS successful, two she tries to follow someone who she thinks is successful (you) to see if that will help her become more like what she wants to be
you getting married just pushed her over the top and making her insecurity come out full force, ie copying you to the t
i wouldn’t be angry at her, she just needs help so her life is more stable and she feels more confident
i think once her life starts getting on track she’ll chill out
Post # 8
Thank you for your responses. For a while I kept getting to the point where I wanted to break off the friendship. And unfortunately everything was great for like 2 years, and now she is starting in again. As terrible as it sounds I kind of wish I didn’t pick her as a Maid/Matron of Honor because I can’t see the friendship lasting forever, and it makes me sad. I promised myself time and time again once she accuses me of something she is gone. Now I have a committment with her. I think what bothers me more than anything is her trying so hard to become friends with my friends and coworkers, especially people she has for years complained she couldnt stand.
Post # 9
True, we don’t know her side to this story, but I’m not sure there’s anything she could say to redeem herself. She sounds like a royal nutcase.
Post # 10
I know, the more people I tell the more they say the same, about being a nutcase. She doesn’t have any other friends, only all ex boyfriends that she talks too. For instance, when I say she would accuse me of lying… I was going to do homework one night so I said I couldn’t go to dinner. It ended up the homework was due the following weekend so I called her later and said I could go. We went, then the next week (or so) we met up again and she said that she was so mad at me for lying to her that it is taking all she has to not walk out of the restaurant on me. When I asked what she was talking about she said… “I know you didn’t have homework to do. You had plans with your man and he broke them so then you told me you could go out to eat.”
Keep in mind I am not a liar, and no other friend has ever called me one so it is not like I did something to draw up these accusations.
Post # 11
@Tropicalbride: I’d tell her to take a hike. She’s nuts.