(Closed) Am I Over Reacting?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you have every right to be upset about this. I would be very hurt if my family kept a secret like this from me. I mean I guess I could understand their motivation when you were younger, but now as an adult I think it is something they could have shared with you. I think if you are upset, you should voice that. While it will probably upset your mom, I think you have a right to discuss it especially if you’re hurt about it. I wish you luck and so sorry that you’re upset.

Post # 4
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

It’s a big deal, and you are justified in feeling confused and hurt. It sounds like this is a very difficult and probably painful topic for your parents to discuss, and so they never brought themselves to explain it to you. That doesn’t excuse their lack of communication with you, but it might help to explain it. Do bring this up with your mother. You have a right to know what happened. Don’t be angry or confrontational, but do be confident that you are opening a discussion that, while it may be painful, should have been held a long time ago. Good luck.

Post # 5
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

It makes sense to me that you are upset.  From what I am reading, it’s not so much the information but the fact that your family kept it from you.  You should bring it up with your family and your brother.  I would be hurt and upset as well.

Post # 6
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Uuummm…  That seems like a pretty big deal to me.  Family is your foundation so to find out you had been mis-led all this time would be hurtful.  Have you asked your brother about it?  Sounds like he knows the whole story, so maybe you could talk to him directly and leave your parents out of it for now.  It’s unfair for you to find out that way, and it would probably bring you and your brother closer if he could talk about all parts of his life openly with you.   

Post # 7
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Have you talked to your brother about this?  I would be really upset too… it’s like the whole reality of your family is in question, so it’s definitely a big deal.  I would talk to your brother first, and then with your parents if you decide that’s the right thing to do.  I say talk to your brother first, since your parents have actively tried to keep you from the truth in the past…

Post # 8
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

That’s a terrible way to find out! I would be every bit as upset as you are. I can’t believe your fiance thinks it is no big deal. Plus I would feel that I was being “replaced” by this new sister or soemthing (even though that’s crazy). The title of “sister” is very special and nobody can ever take your place. You grew up together and shared your whole childhood so clearly you are every bit his “real” sister no matter what the DNA says. I would talk to your brother about this. Maybe your parents asked him not to tell you and that’s why he hasn’t. But obviously the cat’s out of the bag now so I would definitely ask about it. I wonder how your brother feels about all this? Maybe he is as confused as you are.

Post # 9
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think I’d be upset about being lied to for so long, regardless of it being to protect me. If him being in contact with his sister has come on all of a sudden the shock of it would get to you too.

Post # 10
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

It is a big deal. maybe it would help if you did bring it up so you could get answers as to why this was kept from you.

Post # 12
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Family secrets can hurt, I’m sure they didn’t discuss it with you when you were younger because it wasn’t the right time yet in their opinion, but I think it definitely should’ve been discussed with you. I can understand why you’re hurt and confused, but don’t take it out on your brother who just wants to know the other members of his biological family.

Post # 14
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You are not overreacting!

1) That’s big news.

2) Everyone kept it hidden from you for so long!

3) You found out in such an incredibly impersonal way.

I honestly have no advice to offer, just cyber (((HUGS))). Man. I think this is something you will “get over”, as in process in a way that makes sense to you, but the initial shock, and probably some sadness and feelings of betrayal, seem entirely natural and warranted to me.

EDIT: let me add that I am really sorry everyone in your off-line life isn’t being supportive of your feelings. Right now they are seeing the teary-eyed, really emotional you, and a lot of people can’t handle that very well. Your feelings are valid, my guess is that they are reacting more to your expression than the cause of your feelings. People deal with emotion very differently.

Post # 15
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh wow, I can see how that would be hard! I definitely think that you should talk to him, and you have a right to be upset. I would talk to your parents about what you saw, too–it’s time for them to answer questions, you know? I wish you and your family lots of hugs, this can’t be easy.

Post # 16
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I have two older half sisters who have a different father than I do. But they were never “half sisters” to me, they’re just my sisters. It’s good that you feel this way about your brother. And I also agree that it was pretty upsetting the way you found out about it. I recommend talking to your brother and letting him know that you’re there for him. Re-establishing contact with a biological parent can be stressful and he may need your support.

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