First off (( HUGS )) because I know this is no doubt an emotional issue for you… especially so in light of his past indiscretions…
Strip Clubs are one thing… I certainly don’t like them, mostly because I am VERY AWARE of what goes on at them
you are very naive if you don’t think / know that Strip Clubs are a front for a lot of other sexual activity… you need to learn more about “Champagne Rooms” where many many sex acts happen, both for men and women… digital penetration, BJs, and either on-site or off-site full-on sex. This is precisely WHY most women don’t like them… too much temptation (and a view that this is “what men do”… and “acceptable cheating”)
In my life, I am in the same boat as @Buslam69
in that I am lucky in that Mr TTR doesn’t like Strip Clubs at all … he finds them very gross, in addition to a BIG waste of money (why pay to look at naked women, when you can do that for FREE at home with someone you love?)
your being upset with your Hubby over this (and in particular not telling you) is understandable… he needs to be more respectful of your feelings IMO
BUT more telling for me, and disturbing is your UPDATE back in Reply # 10 where you wrote…
yes we are already married and he did go for his bachelorette party just 4 months ago. Plus he does know I have access to all his accounts and I have found other things I am not comfortable with such as him having conversations with other girls on facebook telling them how cute they are or offering to give them massages…all of which just seem very inapproriate to me anyways. Maybe I am over reacting about that too. I just hate the idea of him eying other girls instead of me. When I was younger I hoped I would be with a man that wanted me and only me and didn’t need those other things.I also hate that he didn’t tell me…
And in particular, the part that I’ve underlined… this speaks volumes for me…
Honestly, if you wanted that (and WHO doesn’t) then you should have dated / married a man that was capable of delivering that to you (with honour, respect and love).
I have that in my man… because I intentionally made a point of looking for that in my relationship.
As the other ladies have said, you have what you have now because you chose it… Dating is a lot like shopping… if you go out looking for a pair of pants, and bring home a blouse, you can’t exactly complain that the blouse isn’t what you wanted, and you can’t make a blouse into a pair of pants (no matter how hard you try… just isn’t enough to work with)
Men are the same… you can tell a guy how you feel, but in the end he is what he is… you aren’t going to be able to make him into something he isn’t (the one thing I’ve learned in life is about men, is they don’t have much motivation to change in life, they are quite comfortable with who they are… if a girl doesn’t like ’em that way… they just decide that the girl isn’t for them… us gals we need to be more like them in that regard).
We shouldn’t settle because we figure we won’t find something we like… nothing says you have to buy something on the first trip to the store… new merchandise comes in all the time, and eventually you’ll find something that you LOVE and fits you perfectly !!
Hopefully, you guys can work thru this latest bump in the road… at this point honestly it might be a good idea to get some couples counselling, so that a Therapist can help you both learn more about Marriage and getting your lifeplans on track (the same course)… it will also teach you ways to improve communications so some of these issues are avoided BEFORE they happen… and your Hubby will better understand what your “vision” of a married couple looks like in light of the fact that the majority of his friends are single (I agree, some of his actions do look a lot more like a “single guy” than a married man)
(( HUGS )) again,